Change my life for me
by JaneIsles
Summary: Sometimes it only takes seconds to change your life forever. They got a new dotor at PPTH, House and Cuddy are forced to deal with their past and their relationship. But it's not only their life that will change forever on their way of discovery...HUDDY
1. Getting in Touch

Chapter one

Chapter one – Getting in touch

„House!" he shouts from the other side of the hall and approaches with fast steps, his white cloak fluttering, because of the wind that it causes.

She stands by the reception desk, dressed in her surgery clothes, a little bit stressed and tries not to roll her eyes when she turns her head, because she knows the tone in his voice.

"Yes?" she asks and tries not to show him that she is stressed. It's never a good thing to show your boss that you feel weak, she thinks.

"I want you to do the coming surgery," he says and she waits for him to say something more. "You assisted my surgeries long enough, I want you to act now," he says and she knows that a discussion is out of question. She always dreamed of doing this, she really wanted this but now when she gets her chance, she feels quite nervous and not being able to do this. She just started to work here and after a couple of months, he'll let her do things like this, this is unbelievable, because you actually have to work a couple of years to perform a surgery like this!

"Got a problem with it?" he asks a little bit harsh and she frightens, because of his tone.

"No… no I don't," she answers and tries to clear her mind.

"Good, than get your ass into the surgery I won't wait for good," he says and walks off. She stays where she is and thinks about it for another minute and when she realizes what he just told her, she starts to run after him to be there right on time.

Almost two hours later, she washes her hands silently, thinking about the surgery she had just performed and she isn't happy.

She was afraid from the beginning and she doesn't know why. Maybe because of her boss Dr. Jackson.

She really respects him and she knows that he can be unfriendly and harsh and sometimes he also can be very hard, but she respects him and she knows that this makes him a great doctor and what she honours the most is that he can be humanly too. Sometimes, he can be and he is nice with his patients.

She's not happy, with what she did although her surgery was great, she did everything perfectly and despite that, she can't be happy.

She tries to figure out what she could change while she watches the water pouring down on her hands and behind her, she hears a door being opened and someone walks in, but she doesn't turn around.

"What's going on with you?" he asks and she knows that it's Jackson.

"Nothing," she says and tries not to show the slightest trace of an emotion right now and she knows her boss long enough to know that he won't believe her and he knows her too good to know that she's lying.

"You don't look like there's nothing."

"I'm okay, really. Thanks for asking."

"You did it great, I didn't think you would, to be honest, but you did."

"I appreciate this," she answers.

"Don't be too hard with yourself" he says, and leaves the room.

She sighs when he leaves the room and she absolutely doesn't know what the hell is going on here.

Why couldn't she just be happy with what she did, because she knows it was good and maybe it wasn't good enough to her mind, but she also learned that she can't be the best all the time, there are still a lot of things to learn.

She walks back into the clinic, because she's to do clinic hours today and the shift just started so there will be a lot of things to do.

The sun begins to set out of the hospital and she can't be happy with that either, because that means that it's not that late right now and there are still a lot of hours left until she'll be able to finish her shift and she is in a pretty bad mood today, because of reasons she doesn't even know. Maybe she just slept less the past weeks.

The only thing she's glad about is that one of her best friends has to work tonight with her.

"Hey John," she says when she enters the on-call room. She drops herself on one of the free armchairs, because there are a few free minutes for her to breathe and calm down a little.

"I heard our doc performed some great surgery today," he says and looks at her with a smile.

"Don't know if that was so great," she answers, staring into the air in front of her.

"You're crazy, it was great."

"How do you know that?"

"I heard our boss talking about it to some other doctor."

"I don't feel like I should be happy," she says and sounds a bit angry about herself.

"That's ridiculous," he says.

"Don't you have to work?" she asks and can't oppress a smile.

"Nah, I'm hiding."

"Still that old Lady?"  
"She's getting on my nerves," he says and laughs.

"I'll kill you if you plan to stay in here all night! There's a lot to do out there!"

"Yeah honey, I won't let you alone there, promise," he says and lays down on one of the beds. "Just a few more minutes," he says and she stands up.

"Nope. Get your ass out of here," she says and throws a pillow at him before she leaves the room.

The night turns out to be more stressful than she thought it would. She had a couple of emergencies, some easy diseases, compared to the surgeries, like colds and flu's. Around three in the morning, she feels very exhausted and is very thankful that it's calm at this time in the morning. For a few moments, there are no patients waiting, no emergencies to treat and no surgeries to perform. She knows that this could change every second, but she uses this time to rest a little bit.

Again, she sits in their on-call room on one of the beds, leaning against the wall.  
Her eyes are closed and her head leans back on the wall too.

She hears her boss' voice and she knows that he will come in here and it took him only a couple of minutes to open the door and come in without a word.

"What is going on with you? Don't tell me it's nothing."

"I don't know what's going on."

"I told you it was a great surgery you did," he starts and sits in front of her. "A lot of others here would be happy to have your job. Do you know what they would do to get a surgery like this? Usually they have to wait years to do that alone," he pauses a moment and she just listens. "You're a very skilled doctor and you're obviously better than I thought you would be and I think you'll be a great doctor one day."

"Thank you," she says silent. "It's just that I sometimes think that I made a mistake. Nothing during surgery, sometimes I think it might've been a mistake to choose the neurosurgery," she tells him.

"That's not unusual," her boss says and she wonders about his softness. This is what she likes about him. He can be such a nice man when he wants to. A good friend and in his rare moments, he can be like a father. One she never had. Of course there's a distance between them, because he's her boss, but she knows that he cares and so does she.

"Really?"  
"You can't imagine how much doubts I had when I started, it's okay."  
"But why? I always thought I would be the happiest woman on earth, because this is what I always wanted."

"Maybe you will be happy one day, but don't forget you can never know what life does with you, but you can try it. The fears and doubts will fade away once you realize what you can," he says and shows her a light smile.

"Thank you very much boss," she says and watches him standing up.  
"And know hurry on," he tells when he's about to leave the room. "We'll get another emergency in a couple of minutes," she takes one last deep breath and stands up to follow him.  
How could she think he would come without wanting something afterwards?

**change**

"Why the hell do my best doctors have to be ill right now?" she asks Wilson a little bit bitchy with a questioning look on her face and he just lifts his shoulders to show her that he doesn't have the slightest idea.

"That's a good question," Wilson answers. "Can't you try to get someone else?" he asks. "Might not be that complicated," he proposes and Cuddy laughs shortly while she busies herself with some papers without looking at Wilson.

"That's what I thought too, but obviously it's more difficult to get a neurosurgeon," she says and looks up finally. "Someone who is good enough to perform this surgery," she adds.

"Didn't expect that," Wilson says. "I always thought they would all want a surgery like this."

"Probably not, because they're not experienced enough, a case like this seems pretty rare and a lot of them never see something like this," she explains.

"I see," he replies. "When do you need a new doc?"

"I'd say as fast as possible, because I don't know how long we still can wait," she says and sighs.

"I gotta go, sorry," he says when his pager rings.

"Sure."

"Let me know if there's anything I can do," he offers.

"Thanks," she says and he leaves her office.

**change**

"House," she shouts, because she realizes that he's not in clinic, doing his duty. "Get your ass into the clinic," she says and enters his office and he doesn't move from his chair.

"Cuddles, come one," he says in a teasing voice and she gives him an angry look.

She rolls her eyes: "If you won't be in clinic within the next minutes, you'll do clinic duty until the end of your life," she hisses and gets even angrier when he just smiles at her.

"Empty threats," he says and leans back in his chair.

"Don't rely on that, I swear," she says.

"Why are you so angry today Cuddles?" he asks and enjoys what he's doing right now. "Your boobs look great in that shirt," he says and she leaves his office, but not without telling him to hurry up now.

She feels tired and stressed and she's angry and for the twentieth time this day, she asks herself why she keeps him employed.

Back in her office, she lays her head in her hands and takes a deep breath. She needs a solution for her lack of neurosurgeons right now and she needs it fast.

After thinking about her disaster, she has to think about a doctor she knows quite good from some conferences. He's a great neurosurgeon, he works in San Francisco, but this should not be a problem nowadays and she decides to give it a try and ask him.

How could she forget about him? She hasn't seen him in a couple of years and she hopes that he will remember her.

She asks her secretary to look for the number and it only took her a couple of minutes to get her what she needs. She really is a great person.

**change**

She holds the phone in her left hand and uses her left hand to play with her glasses while she waits for him to pick up the phone over in San Francisco.

After a couple of minutes, she thinks about dropping the connection, but his voice on the other side stops her.

"Arthur Jackson?" he says.

"This is Lisa Cuddy," she says friendly.

"Dr. Cuddy," he says friendly and by the tone of his voice she knows that he remembers her which will make it probably a lot easier.

"How's it going over there?"

"Just the usual thinks," she says. "You know, lot of patients, the usual search for donors, trouble with your stuff…"

"Yeah, I think I know that too good," he says. "What can I do for you?" he asks and she starts to laugh. He probably knows her better than she thought.

"Well, yes," she starts. "There's something I want to ask you."

"Go ahead."

"I want you to come here and perform a surgery," she starts and waits for a reaction.

"And you call me for that? No good ones in Princeton?"

"Not really at the moment so I had to think of you."

"Thanks," he says and laughs. "What do you got for me?"

"A Trigonocephalus."

"Wow," he says seriously interested.

"You ever did that surgery?"  
"Once," he answered.

"Do you think you could do that again?" she asks.

"Yes I think I can do that for you."

"For the patient," she tells him without being unfriendly.

"Yes, sure," he says. "When does the patient need me?"  
"I would say as fast as you can arrange it."

"Okay."  
"I can get you some more information before you get here so you'll have the chance to have a look at it before."

"That would be great. I will bring one of my doctors with me, she's very good."

"That's good to hear. So what do you think?"  
"It might work next week, I'll have to manage some things, is that okay with you? I'll call the next day in the evening to give you more details."

"Okay, thank you."

"You're welcome," he says and drops the connection. She feels a little bit relieved, because there's now a chance for her to get someone who will be able to do it and now she just have to wait and hope that the paperwork won't take them such a long time.

**change**

"House," Arthur Jackson says when he walks into the emergency room. "I hope you don't have any plans for the coming week, I want you to fly to Princeton with me for a surgery," he says and leaves her back with a surprised look on her face before she has to think of something to say.


	2. Arriving in Princeton

Chapter Two –

„Where do we go?" she wants to know the next day, because she didn't get the chance to ask him that earlier, because she isn't sure if she understood him properly.

"Princeton," he answers and she fears to run out of air, because he walks so fast and talking to him at the same time makes it even harder.

She remembers Princeton, of course she heard of it and the university, but she thinks that it is something more familiar, that's all she can think of right now.

"And what kind of surgery is that?" she asks and tries to control her breathings and is glad when he stops in front of the elevator instead of taking the stairs and she thinks that she should've listened to John a while ago when he told her that she should do more sports.

"Trigonocephaly," he answers her question.

"Wow," she says and shows the same reaction as he did the first time he heard of it.

"Yeah," he answers and they walk into the elevator and she still doesn't know where he goes, but she follows him without asking.

"I heard some people never see one during their whole career," she says without looking at him. "Except pictures, of course."

"That's right," he answers and presses the button to the third floor.

"I want you to come with me," he says and looks at her.

"Why me?" she asks a bit surprised instead of just taking it.

"Well," he says, and thinks about for a few seconds. He never really thought about reasons. For him, it was out of question not to take her from the moment he knew about this.

She is pretty skilled although she doubts it from time to time, but he thinks or better said he is pretty sure that she will be an outstanding neurosurgeon one day.

One day when he won't be there any more and he knows that this day will come.

He told her that she believes in her and that she is a great doctor, but he never told her his main reasons, the complete truth, because he has to keep a certain distance.  
The day will come when he'll tell her everything, but she still has to wait.

"I just have my reasons," he finally says. "That's all."

"There are a lot of other doctors," she starts.

"Don't you want to go?" he asks her and looks at her with a questioning look.

"Sure, of course I want to," she says. "I'm just curious."

"Shout your mouth and agree," he tells her.

"Okay."

"Fine," he says and leaves the elevator on the third floor.

Two days later, after he talked to Cuddy to tell her that everything is done, he orders her to his office.

"What can I do for you?" she asks him and sits down without being told to.

"Sure, sit down," he says without looking up. "I will fly to Princeton on Monday," he tells her and looks up. "You will fly on Tuesday."

"And why don't we fly together?" she asks and suddenly she remembers that there was something she tried to forget all the time.

"You'll attend the seminar about death and euthanasia and all those things," and she doesn't look quite pleased. "It's duty for all of you."

"And I thought I could stay away, because I'm not there…" she says more to herself.

"Wrong thought," he says. "You will go."

"I hate those seminars."

"You go there, no discussions, here's your ticket," he says and handles her the ticket. "I'll give you some information about the case before I leave," he says and she knows that this conversation is over.

**change**

"Hey Miss Princeton," John says loud enough for everyone to hear when she walks into the hall and she laughs and turns around, pretending she leaves the hall again.

"Thank you," she says. "Now everyone knows it."

"I think all do already."

"How did they found out?"

"This is a hospital honey, information spread faster than you can spell the word "approbation", and you know how it works."

"How long will you stay there?" he asks.

"This is a good question," she says. "I think at least a week," she answers.

"And you'll leave me alone here? I can't believe that."

She laughs.

"Poor you. You'll get through it I think."

"I'll try my best."

"Will you bring me to the airport?" she asks and looks at him.

"When?"

"Tuesday afternoon," she says. "After that damn seminar."

"Is that on Tuesday?"

"Yes, Jackson reminded me of that a couple of minutes ago."

"Damn!"

"So we all have to go, because he knows that I know about it," she says and leans against the reception desk.

"So, will you?"

"Of course my dear," he says and walks off.

**change**

"What do you want," she asks completely bored when he walks in and she doesn't even bother with looking up.

"I want your ass," he says and sits down in front of her.

"Not available today, " she answers still pretty bored.

"Damn, I thought there's enough for two!"

"Not for you!"

"If not for me, who's allowed to?"

"None of your business," she answers and tries not to smile, because there is no one but he doesn't have to know this.

"Don't you have to be in the clinic?"

"Maybe…" he says and leans back in the chair.

"What the hell do you want?"  
"I wan't to bother you."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she answers and stands up. "Go ahead now, out of my office."

"Where do you go?"  
"Somewhere where you won't find me," she says and waits for him to move.

"I doubt that."

"Great," she says and is a little bit surprised when he walks out of her office without further complaining and locks the door before she walks away without paying more attention to House.

The cafeteria is already pretty crowded and she finds a place out in the sun and she can't help but check if House is somewhere around, because she wants at least a few minutes during her break without him.

"Hey," she hears Wilson and smiles when she sees that he's not with House."

"Do you mind if I sit down?"

"No, take seat," she says. "Where did you left him?"

"Don't know where he is," he answers.

"Good," she says and with thinking about it again, it might be not so good if no one knows where he is. You can never know what he's up to.

"Already found a doctor?" he asks.

"Yes, I did."

"Really, who is it?"

"An old friend, if I can say that. I know him from some conferences. He works in San Francisco," she explains. "I already managed everything."

"When will he be there?"

"On Monday, he said he'll bring one of his doctors with him," she says and sips her water. "I really hope it's worth it."

"I'll keep my fingers crossed," he says and smiles.

"Thank you."

**change**

She hates Monday, but today she likes it, because there's one positive thing about Mondays and that is the fact that House always appears later than he should and this time, she's fine with it.

Dr. Arthur Jackson will arrive this morning and she doesn't need him here to disturb the meeting or doing something stupid.

Wilson is in her office with her, because they had to talk about one of his patients when a doctor, she remembers from their last meeting, because he hadn't really changed, walks into the hall toward her office and she gives him a sign to come in.

"Good morning Dr. Jackson," she says friendly.  
"Nice to see you Dr. Cuddy," he says.

"This is Dr. Wilson, my oncologist," she says.

"Nice to meet you," he says to the doctor.

"Have a seat," Cuddy says, "Didn't you say you want to bring one of your doctors?"

"Yes, she will be here tomorrow. She has an important seminar today that I wanted her to attend, I think we can wait one day," he says.

"I think that won't be a problem."

"So, what exactly do you have for me?" he asks. "I promised her to give her some more detailed information before she comes here."

"Her?"

"My doctor."

"Oh, of course," she says and laughs. "Patient is an 18 months old girl with a Trigonocephaly," she says and handles him the file that lay in front of her on the desk. I think its better you take the information out there, because to be honest I'm not a neurosurgeon and I'm not pretty good with such things," he tells him.

"Sure, no problem," he answers and reads through the main things in the file.

"You ever did a surgery like this?" Wilson asks.

"I did one once," he says. "Something like this is pretty rare," he explains. "It'll be the second one for me to see.

"And you think you can do that?" Cuddy asks.

"Yes, of course I will, can I see the patient?"  
"Sure you can," Cuddy says. "One question."

"Go ahead."

"What's the name of your doctor? I have to write it in the file."

"Right, her name is Dr. Laurie Ann House," he says and by the sound of her name, Cuddy looks at House who seems to think the same as he did and they walk out of the office.

**change**

"God, I know why I hate seminars like this," she says while they almost ran through the hall so that she can get her flight right on time. "They're so damn boring."

"True," he says. "There's it," John says and shows her the check in for her flight. Due to the fact that she is late, it all went pretty fast, because they're already waiting for her.

"Thank you," she says and hugs him. "I'll call you."

"Yeah, yeah," he says and gives her a kiss on the check. "Now hurry on, they're already waiting for you."

"Yes, bye."

"And good luck," he says when she walks around the corner.

**change**

"She might be here soon," Jackson says addressing Cuddy when they stand in the hall.

"That's good."

"You know why they didn't perform the surgery earlier?" he asks.

"Hell, I wish I'd know."

"I mean she's quite old, she could've had the surgery earlier which would've made it a lot easier," he explains and sees his doctor walking into the hospital through the main entrance.

"There's she is," Jackson says and turns around, just like Cuddy.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I hope I'm not that late," she says obviously a bit out of air, because she run.  
"You're fine," he says. "This is Dr. Lisa Cuddy, Dean of Medicine here."

"Pleasure to meet you," she says. "I'm Laurie Ann House," and while Lisa shakes her hand, she looks into a pair of incredible icy-blue eyes. Ones she's already seen more often than she sometimes wants, ones that belong to House.

She seems very nice, completely different than him, if there is any connection between them.


	3. Information

Chapter three - Information

„Did you see that?" Wilson asks Cuddy while they walk through the hall. He waited the whole day, because he didn't get the chance to ask her earlier this day. "She looks like him," he says.

"And she has his last name," she answers without looking at him.

"What do you think?"

Cuddy thinks about and a few seconds and a couple of fast steps later, she has to say that she doesn't know what she should think about it.

"That's a good question…" she starts and stops in front of the elevator.

Actually it's obvious, but she just couldn't believe it.

"It just can't be," she says and laughs at the absurdity and shakes her head. "He's a jerk and he can't even take care of his own life properly, how should he raise a child?" she asks Wilson and thinks about the imagination for a second.

"Maybe he doesn't know?"

"Could be," she says and they walk into the elevator. "What should we do?" Cuddy asks and looks at Wilson. "Ask him if he has a daughter that he hid from us all the years and that we found out, because she's now working here?" she says and tries not to laugh, because she tries to figure his face when she'd do this.

Wilson smiles and lifts his shoulders.

"Maybe we shouldn't ask him a bit more careful?"  
"Maybe we should never ask him."

"Does he know who's working for you the coming week?"  
"I didn't tell him, but I'm pretty sure he knows my dates and appointments better than I do," she says and sighs.

"Probably, yes."  
"But I don't think he already saw her, I didn't see him the whole day which means he's doing what he always does which means that he hides somewhere or hasn't even left his office, so no chance that he already saw her."

Wilson nods and the leave the elevator at the second floor.

"God, I don't wanna know how this will end up," she says and they walk off.

***

"Do you saw the two doctors before?" Jackson asks her and sits down on the chair in something that looks like a huge conference room.

"Well, not that I remember," she answers.

"Looks like they did."

"Maybe they have and I don't know it," she answers.

"Okay anyways, you're up to date with the case?" he wants to know.

"Three year old girl suffers from Trigonocephaly," she starts to explain.

"What do you exactly know about Trigonocephaly?" he asks, sitting on the edge of the table, watching her calmly.

"It is also knows as Opitz Trigonocephaly syndrome and is a kind of cephalic disorder. It is a premature fusion of the metopic suture which is a part of the frontal suture which joins the two parts of the frontal bone of the skull," she explains and takes a deep breath, staring into the air in front of her, trying to think of what she found out about this disorder. "The disorder is V-shaped and occurs the front skull."

"Any characterizations?"

"Narrow pointed forehead, a flat broad nasal bridge with a short nose, vertical folds over the inner corners of the eyes, an abnormal palate that is deeply furrowed," she explains. "There are abnormalities of the ears, crossed eyes, also known as strabismus and joints that are bend or in a fixed position and loose skin," she says.

"Mortality rate?"  
"The mortality rate is extremely high in the first year of life."  
"What about surgery?" he asks and he has to say that he's quite impressed about what she knows.

"During the surgery, we will remove the skin and lay it back so that the skill is completely free," she says and looks at her boss.

He nods and she goes on slowly.

"Once the skull is free, we will cut the V-shaped part out of the skull," she says and Cuddy enters the room.

She waits for her to say something before she goes on.

"Dr. Cuddy," Jackson says friendly. "How can we help you?"

"I just wanted to know how you doing because of the surgery," she asks and looks at the two doctors in front of her.

"I just asked Dr. House about the surgery that we're about to perform," he says and watches the women.

"You want to sit down and listen?" he asks her friendly.

"Sure, why not," she says and sits down in front of Laurie. Now that Lisa has some time to look at the woman in front of her closer, she realizes that she looks like House a lot. Her icy-blue eyes and she also has some of his features. Some little things that Lisa likes at House, but never told him of course. For Lisa, it's totally out of question that she's not his daughter, that's what she's sure of.

"So, you want to go on," he says and Laurie turns around to face Dr. Cuddy.

"We will put the skin back from her skull so that it is completely free," she starts to explain the beginning again for Cuddy. "The next step is that we will cut the V-shaped part out of the skull," she says and Cuddy smiles at the little gestures she makes with her hands while she explains the surgery. It's almost like House who always plays with his cane or his pencil when he explains something or writes some symptoms on the white board.

"Okay," Cuddy says and nods.

"Once we cut the front part out, we can give it its normal shape back. We can form it easily, but careful with to fingers so that it is not V-shaped anymore," she says. "Than we put the bone back into its usual place, put the skin back," she finishes her explanation.

"All right, that's it," Jackson says. "Sounds fast, but the surgery will take us a few hours. Maybe two or three hours. We'll need most of the time to set the skull free."

***

"Is there anything you want to tell me, but never did?" Wilson asks when he enters House office and tries to sound as innocent as possible.

"Not that I know," House answers without looking up from the newspaper that he's just reading.

"Nothing?" he asks and sits down in the chair in front of him.

"Well, now that I think of it," House starts and puts the newspapers down and looks at Wilson. "I stole your sandwich this morning," and Wilson rolls his eyes without another word and in the same second he thinks about something else to eat, because his dinner was gone.

"Anything else?" he tries it again, almost bored. "Anything more important maybe?"  
"I told the new students that you're gay and one of them seemed to be pretty interested," he says and looks at him.

"You're a jerk."

"Want his number?"

"I'm not gay."

"You say so," House answers without paying attention to his previous question. "Why are you so curious today? Is there anything you want? Little Jimmie always comes when he wants something," he says more to himself, ignoring Wilson completely.

"You sure that you're not talking about yourself?"

He pretends to think about it for several seconds and says: "Nah, I don't think so."

"Right," Wilson says and thinks about giving up.

"Again, what do you want?"

"I want to talk," Wilson finally says.

"We are talking."

"But not about the things I actually wanted to talk about."

"And what should that be?" House asks.

Wilson stands up. "You'll find out," he says and decides that this is the perfect time to give it up for today. This might have made him curious.

"Wait, what do you mean?" House screams when Wilson leaves the office. He fastens his steps, because he knows that House would follow and he also knows that he won't be fast enough with his cane.

So Wilson walks up the stairs with a satisfied smile on his face. It's finally time to play this game vice versa.

***

"I think I don't have anything to say any more," Lisa says when Laurie finished her explanations and they talked about all necessary things.

The only thing they still have to do is talking to the parents.

"I think we have everything now," Jackson says and stands up.

"There's one thing that we have to consider," Laurie starts and the other doctors look at her.

"We have to prepare them."

"I think we always do this," Jackson says.

"Sure, but not like this."

"Explain?" Cuddy says.

"Look, they got a child whose head is completely different than it should be. The eyes and nose are not shaped like they should be, not right in place. The have child that never looked like them since it was born,"

"I see," Cuddy throws in, because she starts to understand.

"They accept that their child looks different and after the surgery, they'll look into a different face. Their child looks a lot different, for the first time it'll probably look like them. We also have to prepare them for that," she says.

"You're right," Jackson says. "You think you can do that?"

"Yes of course. I should do it now so we got it finished," she says.

"All right, tell me if something goes wrong."

"Sure, see you later," she says and leaves the room.

Cuddy watches her back when she leaves the room and starts to talk as soon as she's out of sight.

"She seems to be a great doctor," she says.

"Oh yes, she really is. That's why I brought her with me."

"Do you anything about her parents?" Cuddy suddenly asks without actually wanting it. Arthur Jackson seems to be a little bit irritated in the first moment.

"No," he finally says. "She works for me since two years now I think, but I never heard her talking about it," he answers.

"Oh, okay," Cuddy says.

"Is anything wrong?"

"No," she answers. "No, not that I know," she finishes the sentences.

"Okay, I thought so," he says and the leave the room.

***

"Hey Cuddles," he screams through the floor later this day.

She rolls her eyes and decides not to turn around, but she knows that he won't let go and after a few minutes, she gives in.

"What the hell do you want? Nothing to do?"

"Not really."

"So?"  
"What's going on with Wilson?"

"What do I know, he's your friend."

"You dated him," he replies with a grin.

"Yeah," she answers and couldn't think of something more intelligent. She couldn't be too harsh, because she knows that he'll tell Wilson what she said and she doesn't want him to think she never liked it. Although she had better dates, years ago by the way but Wilson isn't more than a good friend and a colleague.

"So?" he asks this time and she decides to give him a few more information.

"Already saw the new doctors?" she asks and signs the file a nurse just gave her.

"Why should I?" he asks. "Does she look good?" he wants to know and she swallows the words that come to her mind. "Oh yes, she does, just like her father."

"I've seen worse," she answers instead.

"Is it worth it?"

"Yes," she answers and walks of with a smile, knowing that she made him curious.


	4. Seeing me, Seeing you!

Chapter four – Seeing me, seeing you!

Later this day, after being forced to a couple of clinic hours, he thinks that it's finally time to have a look at the new doctors, because both Cuddy and Wilson acted a little bit strange earlier and, despite that they always act a little bit strange to his mind, they seemed to have reasons.

He leaves his office and thinks that he might found them with Cuddy, the problem is that Cuddy isn't in her office so he walks along the floor and have a look whether Wilson knows where she is, but he isn't there either.

***

"Did you talk to the parents?" Cuddy asks Dr. House and Laurie noticed that she seems to be pretty interested in her, but she still can't say why she should be. Maybe she just missed something.

"Yes I did and I think they're now well prepared for the surgery just like the little girl."

"This is nice. When do you think you can start the surgery?"

"I'm not sure I've to talk to my boss about that. I'm just assisting him so he knows the main things and decides when to start," she says with a smile.

"May I ask you something?" Cuddy asks after walking a few meters in silence.

"Depends on the question," Laurie says and watches her from the side and laughs. "Go ahead."

"You live in San Francisco, right?"

"Yes, I do. "

"Have you been born there?" she asks and Laurie didn't expect such question, because no one ever asked her since she moved there.

"No I haven't," she says. "I've been born in Michigan," she says and by the time, she hears the word "Michigan" she remembers that there was something. Something happened there. She studied there, just like House. She barely knew him in the beginning, but she noticed that something happened years ago, but she never really found out. Despite the fact that they might've had sex a few time, but no one remembers, or wants to.

"Are you okay?" Laurie asks and laughs, because she doesn't say anything.

"Yes, of course," she answers, taken back to present time.

"You know Michigan?" she asks. "Ever been there?"

"I studied there," she finally says.

"Really?"

"Yes, part of my studies, what about you?"

"Well, I lived there and I studied there. I moved after my studies."

"Did you enjoy your time there?" Cuddy wants to know and her curiosity grows with every second.

"Yes I did, it was very nice," she says. "The only thing that irritated me a little bit was that some of the professors seemed to know my name, or my last name, but never one ever said anything about it," she says and laughs, shaking her head. "Maybe there was someone with the same name, can happen."

"Yes, if you only know…" she whispers more to herself and is sure that it has to be like this. She can only be his daughter, although the imagination is still one you have to get used to.

"Excuse me?"  
"I said that this can happen," she says and smiles.

***

"You saw House?" Cuddy says while she enters his office, feeling glad that he's there.

"Which one?"  
"This is not funny at all Wilson, you know who I mean."  
"Don't know, haven't seen him."

"Good," she says and sits down in front of him. "I talked to," she starts and for a moment she wants to say "his daughter", but changed her mind. "The other doctor House," she goes on.

"What did she say? Or better said what did you ask?"

"Or doctor has been born in Michigan," she tells him and waits for him to show any reaction.

"And?"  
"He studied there?"

"I understand," Wilson says and a smile appears on his face.  
"And she told me that some of her professors seemed to remember her last name, but she doesn't know why."

"I think they might remember him pretty good."

"That's what I thought too."

"Don't you think we should tell him?"

"I asked him if he already saw our new docs," she says, "And after the conversation, he seemed to be curious."

"I asked him if there's anything he forget to tell me," Wilson says.

"Did he say anything?"

"Nope. No chance," Wilson answers. "Except some stupid things. The usual stuff."

"Great," she says and sighs while she leans back in the chair.

"Somehow, I feel bad about not telling him."

"What if it's not true? What if she's not his daughter?" he tries and Cuddy's look made him shut his mouth.

"Okay, okay," he says. "What should we say?"

"What about: "We know you got a daughter?"" she says and laughs. "No, we can't do that."

"But we also can't say anything!"

"Great, so what's your plan?" she wants to know and he thinks about if for a few moments and she interrupts the silence and his thoughts.

"Great plan, really," she says, because he still thinks about it.

"We don't have to say anything," he says and Cuddy looks at him with a questioning look. "We don't have to tell him that there's a young doctor that looks like him, " he explains. "They will meet sooner or later and than we'll see what will happen, maybe we won't have to do anything."

"That doesn't sound that bad," Cuddy throws in. "We just have to make sure that they see each other."

"I could order him to my office and hope that he will listen and come," she begins. "And I can ask the other House about the surgery," she says. "Although she might already think that I'm completely insane, because I already asked her a couple of times," she adds.

"What should I do?"

"You make sure he comes to my office."

"All right."

***

"Hey girl," John asks on the phone. She sits on her bed in the hotel and thinks about her day.

"Hey, how's you?" she wants to know.

"I'm pretty stressed, there's always a lot of work to do," he says. "You know it and it's boring without you."

"I feel really sorry, you'll get through it," she says and laughs silent.

"Okay doesn't matter, tell me how's it going over there?"  
"Can't complain," she says and starts to chew on the pen she holds in her hand. "Not that much to do, because we only have this one case."

"Sounds great, I'd really like to change."  
"Out of question," she tells him.

"What about the surgery?"

"I think we'll do it two days. Tomorrow we'll get our team, tell them everything they need to know, make some last blood tests and all the usual things and than I hope we can start soon."

"Sounds great."

"You know what?  
"You tell me."

"One of the doctors here, or actually she's the Dean of Medicine asked me where I was born this noon," she says and after thinking about it again, it doesn't sound that weird afterwards.

"You mean Dr. Lisa Cuddy?"  
"You know her?"

"Not really, I heard of her. How's she?"  
"Nothing for you," she says and hears him laugh on the other side. No seriously, she's nice."

"So, she asked you where you've been born?"  
"Yes and she seems to be pretty interested in that."

"When did she ask you?"

"During a conversation?"

"I mean was she just writing down some of your dates and asked you while she did it or was it just a conversation?"

"Conversation," she answers. "First, she asked if I already talked to the parents and than she wants to know it."  
"Maybe she's just curious?"

"Could be, yes," she answers and somehow, she suddenly feels stupid. "You're right, it was nothing."

"I didn't say that."

"But I do."

"Okay," he says. "I'm sorry honey, I got to go back to work now, I'll talk to you soon."

"Okay, bye," she says and drops the connection.

She remains sitting on her bed for a while and thinks about these little things that happened today and after a while; she decides that it's time to go to bed, because she won't find out anything with just thinking about it.

***

The next morning starts way too early to her mind, but the CT for her little Patient named Lynn, is set for 8am and as her surgeons, they both have to be there.

She doesn't complain, because she likes her work and is thankful for the chance she got here and she'll take it.

"Good morning," she says when she enters the radiology and sees Dr. Cuddy and Dr. Jackson already standing in there and a light smile spreads on her lips, because to her mind, she finds her boss way too often around the pretty Dean of medicine.

"Good morning," they both greet her and Jackson starts to show her the pictures they made before the compare them to the new ones the still will make.

She stands with her back to Cuddy when she hears a noise outside of the room.

"Hey Cuddles," she hears a man screaming and a second later, the door swung open loudly and she doesn't turn around. She hears Cuddy groaning because she obviously seems to be a little bit pissed and from the steps she hears, she thinks that there must be more than one man.

"So, you're the great docs from the west coast," he says loudly and she still doesn't bother about turning around, because she dislikes this man from the second her opened his mouth although she hasn't seem him.

The CT- scans still seem more interesting.

"And who are you?" she asks dry and a trace of boredom comes along with her voice. "The pope?" she says and her boss sends her a be-nice-look and she turns around and the moment she does, everyone becomes silent.

In front of her, she sees Cuddy on her left side, with a satisfied, almost knowing look on her face. Next to her, a man who was once introduced to her as Dr. Wilson. On her left side, she sees her boos who appears to be confused or surprised. Maybe both.

And in the middle of them she sees a man she's never seen before, the one she doesn't seem to like.

And within a second, the looks changed again. Her boss is now watching her with a questioning look, Wilson looks to Cuddy with something that looks like an I-told-you-so-look and than back to the man she doesn't know, Cuddy watches the man too and she immediately realises that this look has more than just anger and something she seemed to know. Her eyes say differently and she's more than sure that there is more.

And the man she doesn't know watches her, and so does she and suddenly words fail her, because she has seen this man before, he has the same blue eyes as she does.

It almost looks like a reflection and even he keeps his mouth shout this time.

He knows that he also saw her before.


	5. It's House!

Chapter five – It's House!

This is one of the embarrassing moments when the silence lasts longer than it should be, because it's getting more awkward with every second and although they all look at each other, everyone pretends not to do, because it would be terrible to look in someone else's eyes and the spot on the wall behind this person seems to be more interesting than ever.

They still stare at each other. Her boss still watches her and turns his head to look at the doctor whose name she doesn't know and than back to her. Cuddy still watches the doctor with this unmistakable blue eyes and Dr. Wilson looks at both of them.

Laurie takes a deep breath and tries not to make too much noise into the silence and prays that someone will say something, because she can't stand that any more.

She bows her head to look to the ground and scratches her forehead and tries not to smile, because this situation feels pretty ridiculous.

"Did someone die or why does no one speak?" she finally says into the silence and waits for some reactions and suddenly the time seems to be on.

Her boss clears his throat and the doctor in front of her turns around to leave the room again without saying anything further and Wilson follows him out of the door and they leave the two doctors alone with their thoughts and she really hopes that the silence won't come up again.

Suddenly, she feels confused, because she realized that he looks so similar to her, but she decides not to show anything now and pretend that nothing had happened.

"Do you know him?" Jackson asks her after a few seconds with a still questioning look on her face.

"Well, not that I know," Laurie answers although she can't stop the thought that she already saw him somewhere, but she decided that it's better not to tell them this now.

"Seemed like he does," Cuddy says.

"Maybe he saw me somewhere and I just can't remember," she says. "Anyway," she starts and hopes that they'll change the topic. "I would say everything looks fine for the surgery," she finishes her sentences.

"What?" her boss asks surprised that she asked him something, because he watches Cuddy who seems to be pretty interested in the CT-scans so that she doesn't have to look at him, because she knows that he's watching her.

"The scans," she starts again and tries not to smile, because someone had an obviously crush on Lisa Cuddy.

"I think they look great, if I can say that I should better say under these circumstances, they look good so we can set the surgery for tomorrow."

"Right, you're absolutely right," he answers and takes another look at the scans. "Is that fine with you?" he asks addressing Cuddy.

"Excuse me?" she wants to know, because she obviously hadn't listened.

"What the hell is going on with them today?" she asks herself.

"We want to perform the surgery tomorrow, is that okay?"

"You're the doctors, you decide when it's the perfect time," she answers friendly as ever.

"Of course we do," Laurie says and dispensed with commenting this and she knows that he knows that he hadn't to, he was just looking for a reason to talk to her.

"I'm sorry, I gotta go," she says with a look at him and leaves the room.

"What are you smiling at?" he wants to know when Cuddy is out of sight.

"Nothing," she answers and clears her throat and knows that he won't be pleased with this so she adds:" Why don't you just ask her out for dinner or something else?"

This time, she looks at him, he looks at her too and tries to show her an innocent face.

"Oh come on," she says. "You asked her for surgery just to talk to her!"

"I...," he starts and can't help but smile a little. "Do you think she noticed it?"

"I don't know, maybe," she says. "Continue looking at her a little more like that and either she'll give in...."

"Or?"

"Or she'll be pissed, because of your behaviour," she tells him and laughs.

"Excuse me, I'm your boss and I'd really appreciate if you stop making fun of me."

"Sorry. What's so difficult about asking her? I mean, she can't say more than no!"

"Yeah, I know."

"You already asked her?" she asks interested.

"Couple of years ago."

"What did she say?"  
"We went out for Dinner."

"And?"

"And I don't think that this is any of your business!"

"Slowpoke," she whispers, but not too calm so that he hears it.

"Excuse me, I just want to make sure that I do not tolerate such a behaviour!"  
"I totally accept this."

After a few silent seconds, he says:"Somehow it didn't work. We just met this one time."

"What went wrong? She seems to be a nice woman."

"I think she was in love with someone else," he answers.

"Oh," is all she can say at this moment and this time she felt really sorry for him. At least a little bit. "I'm sorry."

"That's it."

"Ever found out who it was?"

"No," he says and than:"You can go now if you like to. Have a nice day, I don't think there's anything to do for you any more. I will call you if I need you, otherwise we'll see us tomorrow. Be right on time."

"Sure, thank you," she says and leaves the room and decides to eat something in the cafeteria before leaving.

Of course she could have a better dinner at the hotel, but she still needs to find out something.

***

"What the hell was that?" Wilson asks excited when they reached his office and as soon as House sits down, he starts to look for something.

"What do you wanted to reach with that behaviour?" Wilson asks him and sits down. "I mean I already know you for quite a long time and I know you're doing a lot things, but this one was new!" he says and thinks about a different way to describe what he just saw.

"Are listening to me on the whole?" he asks when he realizes that House doesn't even look at him.

"No," he answers from somewhere behind his desk.

"Thanks!" Wilson says and leans back.

"No one asked you to talk all the time!" he answers without looking up.

"I was just," he starts and than:"What the hell are you looking for?"

"Cuddy's thong," he answers. "I was so sure I had it here," he says and Wilson just looks at him without saying anything.

"I was so sure I kept it in here," House says more to himself than to Wilson.

"What?" Wilson wants to know, because he's sure that he's not looking for Cuddy's thong, although he's not sure any more by thinking about it twice.

"It's not here," he says after looking for whatever a few more minutes and stands up and leaves his office without paying attention to Wilson.

***

She sits at a table near the window when she sees the blonde doctor walking into the cafeteria and she thinks that he's one of the doctors who work for the one she saw this morning.

While she sat there, she kept thinking about it and she has an idea who he could be, but she decides to push this thought away for whatever reason.

"Excuse me," she says when she reaches the blonde doctor.

"Yes?"

"Hi, I just have a short question," she says.

"Go ahead."

"Who's your boss?" she wants to know and for a moment, she thinks that he's surprised by her question. "What's his name?"

"What did he do?" he asks and smiles.

She thinks about his question for a second and says:"Well, actually nothing. I'm just curious."

"Okay," he answers. "His name is House. Gregory House," he answers and takes his coffee.

The moment she hears this name, she doesn't know what to think or what to do. Somehow, she expected something like this, she hoped it, but on the other way it seems more difficult to handle than she thought it would be.

"Are you okay?" the doctor asks friendly and looks at her.

"Yes, sorry. I'm fine thank you very much," she says. "Have a nice day," she says and is about to leave.

"Who are you?" he asks.

"My name is Dr. Laurie House," she answers and his cup stops before it reached his mouth and he asks himself if he understood her right.

***

"I need you to do me a favour," she says into the phone while she walks down the stairs.

"Hey Laurie, I wish you a nice day too," her best friend replies with an exaggerated friendly voice.

"Yeah sorry," she says. "Will you do that for me?"  
"What is it?" he asks and she checks if there's someone around her, because not everybody has to hear this.

"I need you to find something out for me."

"Okay. So?"

"I have to know if there was a Gregory House at John Hopkins couple of years ago," she says and he seems to think about it, because he doesn't answer immediately.

"House?!"

"Yes, House," she answers and sighs silently.

"Would explain at least one thing," and he remembers how some at university hesitated a little when they heard her name.

"Okay, I'll call you back than?"  
"Of course, thank you," she says and leaves the hospital.

***

Wilson walks into Cuddy's office and they both look at each other, knowing what both of them are thinking about.

"So?" Wilson asks with a look at her and sits down.

"What did he say when you left with him?" she wants to know.

"He was looking for something," Wilson begins and tries not to smile.

"And that was what?" she wants to know and she hates him for not telling her everything he knows.

"He was looking for..." he starts, not sure if he should tell her what he said.

"Come on, what did he say?"

"He said he was looking for your thong," he tells her and she leans back in her chair and rolls he eyes.

"That was definitely not what he was looking for," she says.

"Because you didn't left it in his office?"

"Wilson!" she says.

"Sorry. Maybe we should just ask him?"  
"We already thought about this," she says and sighs. "It won't work, what should we do? Lock him in a room and ask him questions?"

"Not a bad idea,"Wilson says.

"That's stupid. As if he will tell us anything."

"One question," Wilson asks after a while. "Why are you so interested in that?"

"Aren't you interested too?"

"You didn't answer my question. Would it bother you?"

"Why should it?"

"Don't know, that's what I'm asking you."

"I'm sorry to disappoint you, but I've some paperwork to do," she says and Wilson knows that this conversation is over and for some reason it always seems to be over when they talk about this.

***

She just reached her hotel when she hears her mobile ringing in her pocket and while she looks for it she tells herself that she'll never take such a huge handbag with her, because it seems to be impossible to find in there.

"Yes?" she says into the phone, hoping that the person who's called her is still there.

"It's me," a man says and she identifies him as her best friend John. "I got something for you that might interested you," he says and waits for a reaction.

"And that is?"

"I checked the university for a man called Gregory House," he starts.

"What did you find out?"

"Now you know why they always hesitated when they heard your name. He was there," he says and waits again before her goes on, but she's not sure about what to say at this moment.

"And from what I found out and heard, he must be something like a legend," he says and laughs in the phone.

"Sure," she says a bit ironic and remembers what she saw this morning when he rushed into the room.

"Are you okay?" he wants to know.

"Yes," she answers. "What are you thinking about?" she asks.

"I'm not thinking."  
"Sure you do."

"You know what I'm thinking about," he finally says. "And I would say you're right."

"I can't believe it, " she says. "You saw a picture of him?" she asks him.

"No," he answers. "Why?"

"He looks like me," she says and her voice softens a bit.

"Maybe you finally found your father."

"Yes," she says and walks into the hotel.


	6. Regret

Chapter six- Regret

It's early in the morning when she arrives t the hospital and it wasn't a great help that she couldn't sleep a lot, because she kept thinking about House and if he's really her father.

She always wanted to know her father and now that there's a small possibility that it is really him, she isn't that sure about it. It's not just the first impression she had on him, because she likes not to judge people by seeing them for the first time, it's more the fear that it's not him and the fact that she doesn't really know how to behave now.

She changes her clothes for the surgery and decides to forget about it for the next few hours, because she'll have more important things to do. The surgery comes first now.

Once she changed her clothes, she has plenty of time left and there isn't a sight of anyone around her so she thinks about dropping by at Cuddy's office, because something tells her that her boy might be there.

When she reaches it, she establishes that it's empty and turns around to look for them somewhere else, they might also see the patient again.

She walks past another office and sees a man sitting in there. With a closer look she sees that it's him and for a moment, she's not sure whether to ask him or not.

After taking one last deep breath, she knocks at his door.

"I'm working," he replies without looking up and she enters the office otherwise. If he think he can be bitchy with her, and it seems like he acts like that with everybody, she can do that too.

"Sure," she says and he looks up when he hears her voice, because for once, it's not Cuddy. He looks into her eyes and again, their eyes lock for a moment. Those fantastic blue eyes that look just like hers.

"Who are you?" he asks interested and tries to hide what he seems to know. He was looking for a picture all night. The one he didn't find in his office yesterday. He knew he has it and he found it. It was an old one. A picture of a little girl, not older than twelve months and still, she looked like she does now. Of course she's years older, but you couldn't deny it's her.

"Is that any of your business?"

"Maybe," he answers and leans back in his chair.

"You got children?" she wants to know and look at him directly.

"Is that any of your business?" he asks this time and he looks like he's pretty enjoying this conversation.

"Well, maybe," she says with a self complacent smile and he tries to oppress a smile, because he starts to like her. "You know where I can find Dr. Cuddy?"

"The last time I saw her was this morning when I woke up," he says probably more to himself.

"I doubt that, but thank you."

"Anything ready for the big surgery?" he asks, stressing the word "big" and throws his hands in the air by saying this.

"Jealous?"

"Why should I? I don't care about that surgery," he says, but the truth is that he does.

"All right, I'll find her on my own," she says and leaves the office without looking back.

"Good luck," he says silently, but the door is already closed.

***

"There you are," she says when she opens the door to the patients room. The little girl is already sleeping and the others are about to leave.

"Good morning Doctor," her boss says. "Are you ready?"

"Sure," she says and they leave the room.

"Good luck," Cuddy says. "Talk to you afterwards," she says and goes away.

They walk down the stairs to the operation room and she starts to wash her hands when he starts talking to her.

"I need your full concentration in there, got it?"

"Yes," she answers and keeps on washing her hands.

"So whatever is distracting your thoughts by now," he starts and she asks herself if he knows anything. "Keep it away, ignore it, whatever. Deal with it when we're done."

"Of course," she answers in a low voice and tries to prepare herself for the surgery.

"You think I didn't notice what happened yesterday?"  
"Why did you ask then?" she wants to know but he already left the room.

***

She finished her paperwork the day before so she'll have enough time to watch the surgery. It's not only the surgery that interests her, it's also the young doctor that fascinates her so much, not only because she's just like him in some situations.

She's nearly obsessed to know more about her and to know more about him. She takes seat and waits for them to start and thinks about things that happened a couple of years ago.

Arthur Jackson is a nice and talented doctor that she respects and she noticed that he fell for her. He always did. Since she knows him, she thinks.

She really liked him and still does, and they went out for dinner once, but it didn't work. She's not sure why, but when she thinks about it now, she would say she was in love with someone else. Or is still in love with someone else.

She crosses her legs and leans against the wall behind her, glad that there's no one beside her. At least one single moment for her own, so peacefully calm.

He was a gentleman, nice and funny and just everything, but he wasn't House and he'll never be.

***

It took them almost ninety minutes to set the skull completely free and this was the most difficult thing for now. It was a very slow work, something you have to be very careful with and now that she looks at it, she thinks that it feels a little bit weird. Seeing something like this and knowing that this person is still alive and you'll wake her up soon feels strange, but of course she's glad that their patient is still alive. Everything is going fine and she feels pretty relieved.

She's only the assistant and due to the fact that there are no other doctors to assist, she still has a lot of things to and she's proud of it and proud about the chance she got.

She watches him taking out the part of her skull, removing that, what had been her forehead for such a long time carefully. Inch for inch, his hands perfectly calm.

She takes the receptacle a nurse handles her and watches him laying the bone down in it.

"Would you give it it's natural shape back," he says and she knows that this isn't a question and takes it to the small table beside the patient.

She always imagined she would be terribly nervous and her hands would shiver, but she had calmer hands than she ever had before.

Before she starts to work, she feels the need to look up to the glass front and sees him standing a bit in the background and a light feeling of happiness and pride spreads inside of her, because he cares.

***

She heard the door being opened silent, but she doesn't turn around, either it was Wilson or House so she wasn't in the mood to turn around.

She still looks down where the surgery takes place when he appears at her side. She tries to ignore that he's so close to her with all her strength, she wants to say something but she doesn't know what or how to start.

He looks to his feet for a second and watches the doctors in the operating room.

"Come on," he starts in a low voice without looking at her. "Say something. I know you want to,"

his voice suddenly seems so unusual. There nothing teasing, he's not making fun of her. His voice sounds normal, maybe serious.

"I..." she starts silent and takes a deep breath. "I don't really know what to say," she says and shakes her head lightly.

He lays his arm against the glass front, his head resting on his arm, still not looking at Cuddy.

"Why didn't you say anything?" she asks after a few moments of terrible silence. Her voice is nothing more than a whispers and she almost sounds a little reproachful. This time she looks at him and closes her eyes when she thinks back for a second. They already knew each other by the time she was born.

And suddenly it hurt. She knows that she probably hasn't any reason to be, but she couldn't help and by the sound of her voice, he turns around and he thinks she's about to start crying.

"I don't know," he answers in a soft silent voice and the sound of it touches her even more. She never heard him talking like this before. And he doesn't say that this is none of her business, all he said is that he doesn't so maybe he would've told her one day when the circumstances were differently.

"I don't know why I didn't," he goes on. "Would that have changed anything?" he asks and by the sound of his voice, she knows that there's more behind the question.

"I don't know," she says silently and keeps on looking at him and to her own surprise, he doesn't break the eye contact. She can't say whether it might have changed anything or not, she just can't believe that he never said a single word.

"How long do you know?"

"I always knew," he says. "But the last time I saw her is twenty-seven years ago."

Again, she doesn't know what to say.  
"It hasn't been easy," he says.

"I was there!" she says and he shakes his head, not because of her, but him, because she might be right.

"I never thought I'd see her again and when I saw her standing there, I knew it was her," he says and she listens and the look on his face changed in the semi-darkness of the room. Maybe there's a trace of sadness in his voice. "This is why you asked me earlier?"  
"Yes," she answers and her voice is nothing more than a whisper.

"I can't be a dad," he says. "Look at me!"

"Come on, stop being self-pitiful," she says and laughs bitterly, shaking her head and then it comes to his mind.

He sees Cuddy sitting in front of him in the shower, holding the little girl in her arms. He could see in her face that she was sorry and afraid and than he sees himself, telling her how great it was that she failed in becoming a mum, because she would be a terrible one. And now?

None of them says a word for a while. Maybe there isn't more to say.

***

She takes the bone gently between thumb and pointer and starts to form it, carefully paying attention not to break it and after a few moments, she's the one who puts it back in place and although nothing is fixed completely, she knows that there will be change. For all of them.

It took them almost another hour to fix the bone and close her skull properly, but it all seems to be fine.

She takes another look at the girl before she leaves the room. She looks into the face of a little girl she never seemed to have seen before and a smile appears on her face, because it worked. One last look and she leaves the room.

***

"The surgery is over," he finally says and turns around. When he reaches the door, he says:"Now we can hate each other again."

She closes her eyes and tries to take a deep breath.

"I never said I do," she whispers, not sure if he heard her, but he listened to every single word and he's sure her voice trembled in the end.  
He knows that she never did and neither does he. The door shuts with a soft click and he's gone and Lisa keeps on watching down through the glass front and everything blurs when tears come to her eyes.


	7. Bittersweet truth

**Chapter seven – Bittersweet truth**

She washes her hands and looks up when Jackson walks in, a smile on his lips.

"You did a great job," he says and takes his face mask off.

"Thanks," she says and changes into her sneakers. "Same for you. Hows she doing?"

"I'd say she's doing good under these circumstances. She'll need a few days to recover, but children are pretty fast when it comes to this."

"Yeah," she throws in and thinks about the fact that they will leave when everything is done and for some reason, she doesn't want to leave that fast anymore.

"Will you have a look at her before you leave?" he asks her and again, she knows that this isn't a question, but a chance.

"Of course I will," she says.

"Are you okay?" he asks again and this time, she knows what he's talking about.

She takes a deep breath before she starts to speak.

"I don't know, I wish I could say this, it's a bit confusing."

"I understand."

"Not that it's any of my business, but what will you do when I have a look at her?"  
"Well," he says and turns his back at her. "I think I'm going out for Dinner."

"So?" he asks surprised. "You asked her?"

"Not yet," he says.

"What if she refuses?"  
"I'll go alone than," he says.

"Good luck," she answers with a smile and he leaves the room.

***

"Good evening," she says friendly when she enters the room. She looks through the window for a brief moment and sees dark clouds far away, the air became colder the last minutes and she's sure that there will be a thunderstorm soon.

She sees the girls parents sitting beside the bed. Her faces something between relieve and fear, a little bit worried and she understands this.

"Hello Doctor," the woman says and she can say she looks happy.

Laurie walks to the other side of the bed and looks into the bed. She lays in her bed, eyes open and she looks like nothing ever happened. You can't even see a scarf. The only thing that reminds you of the surgery are the plasters at the back of her head and the fact that she looks like any other little 3-year-old girl.

Laurie smiles a little.

"Hey little girl," she says and touches her cheek. She looks tired, which is nothing unusual after a surgery like this and Laurie is sure that she'll fall asleep soon.

"I just came to tell you that the surgery went good so far," she says and smiles.

"Thank you," the father says.

"Does she have pain?" the mother wants to know. "I mean, she looks like she doesn't."

"Older patients can tell us whether they have pain and from what I know is that they don't. Of course she's not completely pain free, but it's not that bad either," she explains and looks into the parents faces.

"You have to know, the head is not a muscle, so it doesn't hurt that much. If you have a surgery that affects the stomach, you'll have more pain, because there are a lot of muscles that move all the time, no matter what you do and you're not doing this with your head so I would say she has just a little less pain."

"She looks so amazing," the mother says and looks at her.

"Yes," Laurie answer. "Keep taking care of her always," she says and turns her look away from the child. "I'll be back tomorrow to give you some further information."

"Thank you doctor," the father says and she leaves the room.

***

She hears someone knocking at her door when she sits in front of her computer and looks up.

"Come in," she says when she sees Arthur standing by the door.

"Still working?"

"A little bit, yes," she says and takes her glasses off. "How's your patient doing?"

"She's fine thank you."

"What are you doing here so late?"

"I'm working."

"Mhm," she answers and starts to play with her glasses.

"Any plans for tonight?" he asks directly.

"Well, depends on," she answers and tries to hide that she's a little bit surprised.

"Is a dinner a good option?" he asks and she seems to think about it.

"Yes," she says and for a moment, there are doubts inside of her, but she tries to push them away. "Why not," she says.

"Fine."

***

She changed into her normal clothes and walks along the corridor which was silent by now and she asks herself how the time passed by, because it's already evening and she's still here, but due to the surgery she didn't notice how it passed by.

She also walks past his office, it's dark, but he still seems to be in there.

"Hey doc," he says out of the darkness and she approaches.

"Didn't care, right?" she asks and thinks that he must be about to leave, because he's wearing a leather jacket.

"I was curious," he says.

"Satisfied?" she wants to know and leans against the door frame.

"Never seen it before," he says.

"Me neither."

"Whatcha up to?" he wants to know.

"Nothing, I'm about to leave," she answers and asks herself where this conversation will lead them.

"I want to talk to you," he suddenly says.

"We are talking."

"Not the way I want to."

"Wow, I never thought I'd hear something like that from you," she says surprised. "From what I've heard," she's surprised by the sound of his voice which makes this whole situation more weird for her, because he could be her father.

"Thank you," he says and leans back. "So, you wanna talk?"

"Give me a reason," she says silent.

"I have a daughter," he starts. "And I want to know how she's doing," he says and waits for a reaction.

"Why now?"

"Things change," he says. "Despite that, I've to get out of here before Cuddy sees me and wants me to do some more work."  
"She's not here anymore," she says and goes on when she sees this questioning look on his face. "I saw her leaving with my boss."

"Oh," he says and she's sure that he's not happy about that.

"Where?" she wants to know and he thinks about it.

"Up to you," he says. "I'm not living far away from here, by the way."

"Any reason why I should trust you? I mean, I barely know you."

"I'm a cripple with a cane, what should I do?"

"That's what I'm asking you."

"I'm not that bad," he says.

"What about Cuddy?"

"Cuddy is a different thing," he says and stands up.

"I don't think she is."

"Why do you have to ask so much questions?" he wants to know and walks past her, out of the office.

"You wanted to talk!"

"You'll stay in there the whole night or follow me?" he says louder and she follows him.

***

"It's been a long time," he says almost an hour later while they're sitting in a nice, small restaurant.

"Yes," she answers in a low voice and smiles shyly, sipping her wine, just to do something. She remembers the last time perfectly.

"Tell me something about you," he says friendly and watches her through the wonderful warm, candlelight.

"Okay," she says and laughs silent. "I'm Dean of Medicine as you know," she starts and he smiles. "I've a lot of work to do and I'm happy with it," she says although this is not completely true, but she doesn't like to reveal her weak side to him tonight.

"Are you?"

"Yes," she answers and sips her wine again.

"What happened?" he asks and she knows what he's talking about and she wishes more than anyone else that she can answer this question, but she can't.

"I wish I'd know," she answers honestly and puts her glass back in the table, her hand resting beside it. "I can't tell you," she says and looks in his eyes. "I'm sorry," she says, because she felt the need to say it after all those years. "I'm sorry for what happened."

"You don't have to."

"But I feel like I should."

"You know," he says and looks her deep in her eyes. "Sometimes we can't do anything about our feeling," he says.

"Yes," she replies in an absent voice, remembering that this is so bitterly true. "You're right," she says and bits her lip, laughing nervously.

"Is it still him?" he asks after a few moments of silence in which she tries hard not to look in his eyes, because it might hurt.

She shakes her head and bits her lip, angry with herself for being so weak the last time and with a deep breath, she tries to oppress her tears.

"Lisa," he says in a very soft way and takes her hand, that lays on the table carefully, and she doesn't pull it back, because it might appear too harsh.

"How do you know?" she almost whispers and asks herself how much he already knows or always knew all the time.

"I heard things," he begins in a still calm voice. "And I saw the way you look at him, the way you behave when you're around him although it's twenty-six years ago, I don't think anything changed."

She takes her hand away slowly, taking her glass to pretend to drink something, but she doesn't and suddenly she starts feeling uncomfortable, maybe a little awkward.

"What did you hear?" she wants to know, although she isn't really sure if she wants to know it, she just has to ask.

"That doesn't matter anymore," he says and shakes his head lightly. "It doesn't matter. Sometimes it's better to leave old things untouched."

"Probably," she whispers more to herself and she wished that she could've left it untouched, but the circumstances forced her to act differently.

"You're beautiful," he says, but this time, he doesn't try to touch her hand again. She turns her head a little and watches her fingers, laughing nervously again.

"I can't do that," she whispers and he also notices the trace of sadness that comes along with her voice.  
Maybe she will regret what she's doing now in a couple of years, but she can't change it. It goes like this since twenty-six years and she won't give up the hope that something will change sooner or later. He said it, sometimes we can't do anything about our feelings.

"I know you can't," he finally says and this time, she looks up, because she didn't expect this. "I know you don't," he says.

"But why?" she asks although she thinks to know the reason best.

"I'll never be with you, you know this," he says and for some reason she starts to feel a bit sorry for him. "You love him," he says and waits for her reaction and she tries to breathe calm to hide whatever she feels about this right now.

"I always tried to find out why it never worked Lisa and I had an imagination of what it was, but I never wanted to know it, " he says she bits her lip again. "You always loved him and you still do."

She never thought he would notice this, maybe she was too naive, because everything does or seems to know it, how could she think he wouldn't?

She wants to say something, wants to justify herself and she wants to apologize, but she can't. She shakes her head and breaks the eye contact. She knows that he is right, but she doesn't know what to do about it.

"I could never hold you, you know this," he says and stands up.

She feels unable to do anything and remains sitting where she is, watching him walking around the table and she still doesn't do anything when he leans down to kiss her softly on the cheek.

"Goodbye Lisa," he says and leaves. She doesn't know what to do and so she stays where she is, repeating his words in her mind again and again.

She will see him again in the hospital for two more days and she knows that this goodbye meant something different. This one was for their relationship if you can call it one in any case, this had nothing to do with going back to San Francisco, this is something different.

She can't remember a time when she felt that miserable, she feels embarrassed and she feels sorry for unknown reasons. Maybe because she hurt him or she feels like she did. She feels sorry, because he's such a nice man and although there'd been so much harm in then past, she'd always regret him. She can't even cry about this and she prays that no one in the restaurant notices that he left her alone and that her condition is probably getting worse with every minute that passes by.

She empties her glass of wine and lays her face in her hands, trying to calm herself down with a deep breath.

He was so damn right that it's almost hard to believe and she tries to flush this feeling away with some more wine, knowing that it won't work.

Yes, she loves him.


	8. You don't wanna know

Chapter eight – You don't wanna know

She follows him to his apartment, feeling a bit nervous, asking herself the same second if it was a good idea to go with him, but something tells her that he can be a jerk, but won't do anything to her. He seems to be serious.

"Have a seat wherever you want," he says and throws his jacket on a chair.

"Thanks," she answers, but she doesn't sit down. She looks around the apartment. It looks a little bit untidy, but she doesn't expect him to be differently for some reason and she likes it, because she's not any better.

She sees medical books laying around, some clothes here and there and one thing that fascinates her most is the piano by the window.

If there's one thing in her life that she loves more than being a doctor, it's playing the piano.

"I'm sorry," he says and looks around with a smile.

"It's okay," she says and sits down on the sofa and watches him sitting down in the armchair in front of her.

"You want something to drink?"  
"No, thank you," she answers and watches him, knowing that its going to be one of those so-hated awkward moments in which no one says a word.

"So," she starts just to say something. "Let's talk," she says and hopes that he will say anything.

"We both know it," he begins.

"Yes, I think so," she says. "But why?" she asks and looks at him. Seems like he somehow expected this question.

"Good question, " he says more to himself and sighs. "It's not that easy."

"Give it a try," she says and keeps on looking at him.

"I barely knew your mother," he says. "Don't get me wrong," he says and she sees that he's uncomfortable with this. "It was just... it was nothing more than sex. It was never meant to happen."

"Great," she answers and he knows that she's angry by the tone of her voice.

"Look," he begins and tries to find the right words that won't make it any worse. "I was young and..." he starts and tells himself that this is a bad excuse. She watches him suspicious and waits for him to say more.

"And?"

"And..." he tries to go on, but words failed him.

"You just wanted to have a little bit fun?"

"It was a mistake!" he says and really regrets what he did that night twenty-six years back, but this was certainly the wrong way to say it like this.

She laughs bitterly and shakes her hand.

"I knew I shouldn't have come," she says more to herself. "Maybe I should go," she says and is about to stand up when he holds her back.

"I'm sorry, I just chose the wrong words. Let me explain this."

She hesitates a moment and sits back down and decides to give it another try.

"Thank you," he says. "By saying it was a mistake, I'm not talking about you. It was a mistake to have sex with someone else that night," he finishes the sentences. "Your mother."

"Why?"  
"Because I hurt someone else by doing this," he says and for a moment she thinks that he's really sorry about what he did.

"What happened after that?" she wants to know in a calm voice.

"We didn't talk to each other anymore, like I said, it was just sex!"

She asks herself if this will get any better the more they talk, but at the moment she doubts this.

"How did you find out?"  
"I didn't know how she was doing for a while," he begins to explain. "The next time I saw her, she was eight months pregnant," he takes a breath.

"Oh," she throws in.

"Maybe you can imagine that I wasn't pleased," he says.

"Yeah," she answers a little absent. Although he's talking about her and her mother, she can imagine that he wasn't that happy.

"I was too young and I was in the middle of my studies. There wasn't a part for a child," he says.

"You ran away?"

"I wanted to. I thought about that for a long time."  
"What made you change your mind?"  
"I was selfish and I never wanted children and I felt a bit overextended, but I couldn't run away. Despite all the things I told you a couple of seconds ago, I could never stop thinking about the fact that you were my child."

"How sweet," she says a little bitchy.

"I'm serious!"

"Okay, sorry. Go on."

"She let me see you whenever I wanted to," he starts and for a second she isn't sure what to do, the look on his face changed. "One day, she was gone. I don't know why she left and where she was gone."

"She left without a word?" she asks and feels how she gets angry, because this sounds all so absurd. She knew her mother and this just sounds so different.

She looks at him and shakes her head again.

"I know," he says and looks at his hands for a moment so that he doesn't have to look at her. "I know that this sounds weird and I don't want to destroy the things and memories you have about your mother, but it's true."

He stops talking for a moment and feels a bit sorry for her, he knows that this is unfair, but he doesn't know how to explain it differently.

"I think she hated me," he says. "I was a jerk, actually."  
"Self-pity?" she asks and raises an eyebrow.

"Truth," he simply says.

"Why did you never try to find her?" she asks, because this all seems too hard to understand.

"In the beginning, I was disappointed a little, but I had my life back and I didn't try it at first," he explains and looks at her. "When I realized it was a mistake, it was too late and I gave up," he says and looks into her disappointed face. He totally understands her, he doesn't even understand himself and something, he thinks, people do things that they'll never understand.

"All I have," he says and starts to look for something in his bag. "Is this one," he says and handles her a pictures that had probably gone through a lot of things the last years.

She takes the picture he handles her.

She looks at the picture and sees a girl, she must be about twelve months, pretty young. She knows that this is a picture of her. She once saw this one many years ago at home.

"It all sounds so unbelievable," she says silent and gives him the picture back.

"I know," he says in a low voice. "I'm sorry."

And there is it again. The awkward silence and he asks himself if he fucked it up completely by now. He imagines that this sounds ridiculous, but it's the truth.

***

She still sits in the restaurants and thinks about the things Arthur told her again and again.

She wanted to forget what happened all those years ago and she hates the fact that it's suddenly all there again.

It's only a few days ago that they came and all of sudden everything seems to be a complete mess.

She sips at her wine and watches her fingers that lay on the table.

She saw his eyes when she talked to him earlier this day, she saw that she's not the only one who suffers, but she doesn't want to believe this.

She still feels too furious after all those years. She empties her glass and stands up slowly, realizing that the alcohol already has its affection on her.

A few minutes later, she walks along the dark street, breathing the cold air, asking herself what she should do.

***  
"How's your mother doing?" he asks in a calm voice a few minutes later.

She knew this question would come and she bits her lip, her hands resting on the sofa on each side of her body, her fingernails digging into the soft material and she tries to relax a little.

"She," she starts in a silent voice and hopes that she won't lost it while she talks. It still leaves a bitter taste in her mouth every time she thinks of it. "She died two years ago," she finally says.

He leans back in the chair, feeling really sorry for her. This still seems to hurt her a lot and he didn't expect this too.

This time, he doesn't know what to say, afraid that he would say something wrong again. He was never good with taking care of people, or let's say he pretends that he's not good with things like this, and the fact that she is his daughter makes it more difficult than it already is, although it should be vice versa.

"What happened?" he asks in a low voice.

She takes his time with answering the question and tries to stay strong in front of him. She got through the sorrow she thinks, it's just that the hatred stayed.

"She died in a car accident," she says and her voice is nothing more than a whisper and to her own relief, he doesn't ask any questions, he doesn't interrupt her.

"She died in a car accident," she says and tries hard to keep her voice steady. "It happened in the middle of the night," she goes on. "There was man," she whispers. "He was drunk and driving on the wrong side," she finishes her explanations.

He leans his head on his cane in front of him for a moment, trying to think of something proper to say, but this is all too much for one evening he thinks.

He keeps his mouth shut, considering that it's sometimes better to do it.

There are things that even bring a man like Gregory House to be silent, and this is one of them.

"She was dead when I got there," she whispers, staring straight ahead. Seeing every cruel detail in front of her eyes even though it happened yesterday. "I just hope she didn't suffer," she whispers and looks up, tears blinking in her eyes.

He couldn't believe what happened either and than it comes to his mind. He is the only one she has, no matter if she likes having a daughter or not.

He feels really sorry, but he doesn't know what to do so he stands up and she watches him leaving the room. A few seconds later, she hears something that sounds like glasses.

***

She walks along the dark streets, not exactly knowing where she should go. The nicer part of her tells her to go home, sleep a little and think about it again tomorrow. The other part, that is definitely influenced by the wine, tells her to go and see House. She doesn't care that it's late, he'll be awake in any case, she knows him too good.  
She wants to talk to him right now, wants to tell him how much she hates him for what he did and that she's still mad with him.

Maybe she will regret this in the morning, because she did it after drinking, but she feels like she has to talk to him right now, otherwise she'll probably never do.

She thinks it's quite weak for the great Dean of Medicine, she thinks and almost laughs at this imagination, but she's fed up with being the great and nice one all the time.

***

She looks up when she sees something beside her face. Tears streamed down her face when he was out of sight, but she doesn't care right now whether he sees it or not. She takes the glass he handles her and looks at the transparent liquid inside of it.

She couldn't help but laugh about this when he sits down in front of her again.  
"I guess this is the typical way to solve this situation," she says. "For a man," she adds and sips at the glass.

"You're old enough."

"Thank you," she says and wipes her tears away.

"You're okay," he asks in a pretty calm voice, watching her.

"Yes, I think so," she answers.

"What now?" she wants to know and leans back.

"I don't know, will you leave soon?" he asks and sips at his glass again.

"I think I have to," she says and somehow she likes not to. "I have to work."

"Right," he says.

"One question," she asks after few moments of silence. And vodka.

"Go ahead."

"You said it was a mistake to have sex with someone else," she begins and he's sure he knows how this question will end. She's not stupid, he thinks.

"By saying someone else, I assume that there must be another person," she says and looks at him and suddenly he looks like someone who was caught while doing something bad.

"Who was it?" she asks him serious, but soft.

He seems to think about it. Now that he thinks about it again, it's the first time ever that he realizes what he lost.

"Was it her?" she asks.

"Yes," he says and knows that she's not talking about Stacy, because she doesn't know her. "It was Lisa."

"Mhm," she says silent.

"You know what I meant?" he asks and this time he's the one who looks away.

"Yes," she answers. "You think it'll ever work again?"

"I wish I'd know," he says. "It wasn't easy the past years."

"I bet," she says. "I mean she's your boss."

"Yeah."

"And from what I've heard, you've been a real jerk sometimes," she says and he laughs short.

"Probably, yes."

"Do you love her?" she asks serious, reminding herself that she hardly knows him and that it's probably none of her business, but he could refuse this question.

"Yes, I do," he says.

***

She rolls her eyes when she realizes that the way is probably longer than she thought it would be and to her own dismay, she starts to feel pretty cold.

She lays her hands tight around her body and pulls her coat tighter and walks a little bit faster.

***

He left her back in the living room, when he goes into the bathroom and after a few seconds, she stands up and walks to the piano.

She lets her hand slide over the smooth surface of the piano and puts her glass on the piano. She sits down and watches the white keys and starts to pull one after another until she's playing one of her favorite melodies.

She enjoys playing the piano. She hadn't a lot of time in San Francisco to play and this seems like a wonderful way to relax after such a day.

She hears him coming back and remains playing. He leans against the door frame and crosses his arms in front of his chest, a smile on his lips.

"You're good," he says and approaches.  
"Thanks," she says and stands up after finishing the play. "I think I should go now. It's getting late," she says.

"Yeah, okay," he says. She hates this moment before it comes. She stands in front of him by the door.

"So, I'll see tomorrow," she says, not sure whether to shake hands for farewell, to hug him or just leave without doing anything?

He's about to hold out his hand when he changes his mind and smiles awkwardly.  
"Okay, let's..." she starts and suddenly she pulls him into a short hug and leaves.

"Good night," he says silent and closes the door, taking a deep breath.

***

"Fuck!" Lisa hisses when she almost falls to the ground, because of a small stone on the sidewalk and when she raises her head, she sees lights in his apartment and walks across the street fast and knocks on his door a few seconds later.

He opens the door slowly and looks at her, the look on his face changes.

"Can I come in?" she asks, her view a few inches beside his eyes, not looking at him directly.

"You're drunk," he says and steps aside to let her in.

"A little, doesn't matter," she says and leans against the back of the sofa.  
"What are you doing here so late?" he asks and walks into the room.

"I want to talk to you," she says and he's not pleased by the sound of her voice.

"Alright, so you can tell me what the hell is going on with you the past days," he says and approaches.

She crosses his arms in front of her chest and avoids his gaze.

"Cuddy?" he asks and stops in front of her.

"Don't call me Cuddy, we're not at work," she hisses and sounds pretty upset by now.

"Okay, okay," he says and knows that this is probably going to be difficult. "You're still mad with me?"

"I tried to forget it," she says, throwing her hands in the air, laughing nervously. He knows that she only does this when she's drunk. "And than she showed up!"  
"Is it because of her?" he wants to know, not sure if he got her right. "You can't be serious!"

"Can you imagine how I felt?" she asks, her voice shaking. "Can you imagine what I felt when I saw her?" she asks and he thinks to see tears in her eyes.

"No," he says honestly in a low voice.

"No, of course you don't!" she says and her voice gets louder. "You never did."

"Lisa, please," he says and tries to calm her down by taking her hand.

"Don't touch me," she hisses and turns away from him a little. "You told me you had sex with her," she begins and he's afraid that she's about to start to cry. "This was hard enough and I thought I could life with it after a while," she says and sobs. "I thought I could," she says and starts to cry.

"Can we talk about this tomorrow?," he asks her calmly. He's tired and he already had enough this evening and he doesn't want that she regrets, whatever she's about to do, in the morning.

"No," she says. "No, we'll talk now!" she says and wipes her tears away which is quite senseless, because new ones are already coming.

"I loved you," she whispers and looks at him, tears in her eyes. "I loved you with all my heart and it's worse enough that you cheated on me," she whispers and stops between several sobs. "But you never told me she was pregnant," she whispers tearful and he watches the tears that stream down her face.

He watches her, unable to do something. He never heard her talking about it like this before. It really touches him to see her like this, it almost hurt.

"You never told me you have a daughter!"

"I never knew what was the right time!"  
"You didn't even try! You could've told me that she was pregnant," she says and her body shakes, because she cries. Again, he tries to calm her down.

"Lisa, come on," he says silent.

"You fucked it up," she says louder and this time she looks at him. "She could've been my child!" she screams at him and cries, trying to hit him. "She could've been my daughter," she screams and she doesn't go away when he takes her wrists, a little stronger this time. He forces her to look at him.

"She could've been my child," she cries a little lower and than she stops fighting against his grip and she leans her head against his chest. He feels her body shivering and hesitates a moment before he lays his arms around her.

He doesn't know what to say and a few minutes later, he lays her down on his bed, taking her shoes off slowly and lays the coverlet over her body.

She doesn't say anything and neither does he.

"Sleep tight," he says when he leaves the room. It hadn't been the first time, but this was the first time she talked, he thinks and switches off the lights.


	9. It wasn't supposed to be a wonderful day

Chapter nine – It wasn't supposed to be a wonderful day

„Why don't you pick up the damn phone?" she says angry into the silence of her hotel room and throws her mobile on her bed, dropping on it a couple of seconds later.

She hardly slept last night, because she kept thinking about Greg and the things he told her. She still finds it hard to believe that the things he told her should be true and the worst thing is that she can't ask her mother anymore what happened and why she ran away. If she did so, but at the moment she hasn't any other chance but believe her, because in contrast to her Mum, he told her something.

Since she came home last night, she tried to call her best friend, because she missed him. And she needed someone to talk to, she was nearly dying to talk to someone and she always talked to John, because he's her best friend.

And he knows more about her past than anyone else did and she so wished to tell him what happened and what she found out, but for some reason, he still doesn't answer her calls.

She left him a couple of messages, telling him he should call her back other wise she'll kill him, but he didn't reply.

She called the hospital several times, but every person she talked to pretended to be pretty occupied or told her that he or she doesn't know where he is.

She worried a bit and she still does, but she keeps on telling herself that he's just busy or forgot his mobile somewhere, maybe lost it and will call it as soon as he gets it back.

While she lays on her bed, she thinks about something else. To talk to him last night was one thing, but seeing him today again is another.

She really wants to see him again, she's curious to know more, but she's not sure how to behave now after he told her that he's her father and after crying in front of him. They didn't talk about the fact how they'll behave further and she really hopes that it won't be too awkward later.

***

She opens her eyes and blinks several times when the bright daylight touches her eyes. She has a light headache ans something tells her that something is wrong and she closes her eyes again.

She takes a deep breath and realizes that it smells differently and she thinks that she's definitely not at home, not in her own bed.

She keeps the coverlets tight around her body, because she feels a little cold and tries to think about what happened last night.

She breathes a few more times and something tells her that she knows this smell.

She's laying in his bed, she think and slowly, the little pieces in her head start to put itself together.

She was out for Dinner with Arthur, if you can claim this dinner and after he left her alone, there was a lot of wine and than she went to his house.

She covers her face with her hands and sighs. She still knows perfectly what she told him and she still means what she said, but to tell him this while she's drunk is different than telling him that sober and she feels a little awkward because of her behavior.

She sits up, still wrapped in a warm coverlet, her knees pulled tight to her body, her arms around it. She lays her head on her knees and tries to think of a way to get out of this situation, knowing pretty well that there won't be an easy one.

This wasn't the first time, she thinks. And it won't be the last.

"Got a hangover?" she hears his deep, but soft voice.

She looks up and sees him standing in the door frame, leaning against it. Lisa shakes her head and bits her lip.

"Want a coffee?" he asks and with a closer look at him, she sees that he's already dressed for work and for some reason she suddenly feels a little embarrassed.

"No," she answers and gets out of the bed, still wearing all her clothes. "I think I should go."

"I won't throw you out," he says without looking at her. He was thinking about what she said last night all the time and the more he thought about it, the more it hurt and he realized what he actually did to her.

Since years, she's trying to get pregnant but it never worked. She's right, Laurie could've been her child and she wouldn't have to deal with not being a mum nowadays.

She walks past him, her hand brushing his when she walks by and for a brief seconds, she's longing for his touches and the wish to hold him in her arms, but she couldn't do that now. She hesitates a second, thinks about turning around, but all she does is walking further.

"Lisa wait," he says silent and turns around.

"I've to go to work," she says and he knows that this is just an excuse. She doesn't wanna talk. "See you in the hospital," she says and he watches her back when she leaves his apartment.

***  
On his way to work, Arthur Jackson thinks about a way to talk to Cuddy, because it probably wasn't that nice to leave her alone in the hospital. But he felt like he hadn't any other chance.

He should've known it, he thinks and he came to treat a patient and nothing else. This must be enough, no matter if he likes it or not.

Somehow, he's glad to go back soon, although he really likes Cuddy, but he knows that it wouldn't make sense. And he also knows that an awkward situation will take place in any case.

***

Cuddy unlocks her door and drops on the sofa as soon as the door closed behind her.

She lays her face in her hands and takes a deep breath, fighting against the sickness that seems to come up slowly.

She has a weird feeling inside her stomach. Something between sickness, embarrassment and a certain kind of sadness. To her own dismay, she remembers perfectly what she said last night and at some points, she wishes that she hadn't said it and he was right. He told her so and she regrets every word she said.

With a look at her clock, she decides that she hasn't more time to think about what she regrets and takes a short shower before she leaves for work.

Her hands shake a little bit and she feels the nervousness crawling up slowly the closer she gets to the hospital. How would he react to this? Or better said will he show any kind of reaction to what happened or just ignore it at work, because she's sure that he can't ignore this completely.

What if he tells someone? She doesn't want Wilson to know what happened.

***

After watching Cuddy leaving his apartment, he feels a bit angry about her behaviour and wishes that he held her back to force her to talk, but for some reason, he couldn't do this.

He felt pity for her and he felt sorry for what happened and she was right. She was right with everything she said and he needs some time to think about what she said and the worst thing was the way she said it.

He saw the look in her eyes when she cried and this had nothing to do with being drunk.

For a second, it felt like the most terrible thing to look in her eyes and see the pain that they show in her rare moments and he realizes again what he did to her.

"_She could've been my child_," he hears her saying one last time before he starts to leave for work.

***

A couple of minutes later, Laurie enters the hall, feeling pretty angry, because John didn't reply her calls.

Cuddy enters the hall almost at the same time, trying to ignore House and Jackson who seem to arrive almost at the same time, feeling pretty uncomfortable.

She fastens her steps and hopes to reach her office before they reach her, but she was not fast enough.

She stops unwillingly when she sees House standing a few inches away and looks at him, not knowing what to say, feeling pretty stupid.

House watches her, not knowing what to say either, at least he keeps his mouth shut. He looks like he's thinking about something.

From the corner of her eye, she sees Jackson approaching.

"God," she whispers and turns her head away from House. She can't resist turning her head once to catch a glance at Jackson.  
Suddenly she feels sorry for him, because she treated him like this although she finds it pretty hard to say _how _she treated him.

"Look away," she tells herself. "Either you turn around and leave the hospital or you try to stand this." She thinks about both options and asks herself if she can afford this. "Running away? Might look stupid," although this would fit how she feels.

"Turn your head. Look straight forward. Walk into your office. Maybe they didn't see me?" she thinks and she almost laughed at this ridiculous thought.

The time seems to stand still and everyone waits for a reaction, waits for someone to do something and so she's the first one who takes the next step and moves and suddenly everything begins to move again.

At the other end of the hall she sees Laurie, but this isn't bad, because she likes her somehow. But she also likes House, he just doesn't have to know this. And in some way, she also likes Jackson. But not like House. She likes him as a great doctor. Maybe as a good friend.

House starts to feel a little bit stupid, because he doesn't really know what to do or what she's about to do. At the moment it looks like she wants to stand there forever.

He looks at her again and tries to figure out what's going on with her.  
"Maybe I should just leave? But she'll kill me," he thinks although he's never been really afraid of her. "I need to talk to her. Wouldn't be good to piss her off so early in the morning," he thinks and decides that it's best to start it slowly.

"Turn around and leave?" he asks himself. "Don't care what they think, they don't really like you either." He moves his fingers on his cane, but he couldn't bring himself to turn around.

"Why doesn't she say something?" he asks himself and looks at her, their eyes locked.

"Why the hell don't you say something?" Cuddy's eyes seem to ask and than he realized that there were two more people that made the chaos complete.

Jackson looks at Cuddy who looks at House.

"I always knew there is something going on between them," he tells himself. "Did she already told him what happened? Will she ever tell him? I hope not. He'll probably make fun of me whenever he can. I hate the way he looks at her," he thinks and thinks about the best way to get out of this terrible situation. This all seems to be too surreal. He turns his head to look at Laurie.

"Fuck, why did I tell her what was going on between her and me? Or better said what was not going on between us. She must think I'm pretty stupid now."  
Laurie hoped she would be early enough so that she won't meet them and has some time to think, but she wasn't the only with that thought.

"What the hell is going on here?" she tells herself and replies Jackson's look. She looks at him and follows his gaze to Cuddy who seems to be a bit confused this morning. Lisa turns her head again to look at Jackson and Laurie knows that their "date" yesterday ended up differently than they probably wanted it to be and from the awkward looks on their faces, it wasn't a happy ending. Cuddy looks back to House.

"He knows I went out with him," she thinks. "But how the hell did he found out? Well, he doesn't seem to like this," she thinks.  
The next second Laurie turns her head to look at House. She still couldn't be happy with the thought of calling him her father.

She tried to think of something to say since she left his apartment yesterday evening, but words failed her.

"Is that really so difficult? I could just ask him how he's doing? I could also say nothing and wait for him to say something," she thinks and tries to figure out what would be the best to do. "I should leave the hall. I should just go and wait what will happen," she thinks and she was about to laugh, because they all look so stupid. This is definitely not the way adults should act, or maybe she was wrong.

It now goes like this: Jackson looks at Cuddy, Cuddy at House and he looks back at Cuddy. Laurie thinks it's the best to take House so she watches him and waits for something to do.

"How long is this still going on here?" she asks herself and sees Wilson walking through the main entrance.

He stops when he sees them all, looking at each of them and asks himself what the hell is going on and if they all went completely insane by now.  
"And why the fuck had nobody told me anything?" and heads for his office and if this had been the thing they all were waiting for, the four doctors start to move and leave the hall.

***

The all tries their best to hide from each other the whole day and she feels pretty desperate about it, because it will happen again. The day will come, they'll leave soon and than she has to face him again and talk to him.

She keeps herself pretty occupied with tons of paperwork which wasn't a bad idea, because it really had to be done someday and once she finished it all, she'll have some more time to breathe. Actually she's not that sure if this is a good thing, because it'll give her the chance to think and she's definitely thinking too much. This just can't be healthy, she tells herself.

In the afternoon, she was forced to leave her office, because of an emergency and on her way back she sees Wilson who probably waited for her.

"What is going on Cuddy?" he asks in his always calm voice. He knows Cuddy long enough to know that there is something she's not happy about.

She just shakes her head and hopes he would leave it at that. She's not sure how much she knows and if House ever told him anything, at least she didn't.

"I don't know, it's all so fuck up," she says and the tone of her voice tells him that she was either pissed because of this or desperate about it. According to the look on her face in the morning it could be a bit of both.

He always knew there was something between his so-called best friend and his boss and although he doesn't like this, he must say that there was not just something between them. There had to be more. Maybe there still is more.

"What is difficult?" he asks.

"Not now," she says and tries to put up a smile. "Sorry," she says and walks away. She leaves him back in the Lucas wing and the poor Wilson feels completely stupid, because everyone seems to know what was going on except him.

***

Arthur Jackson takes a last look at the CT-scans they made after the surgery and he 12 feels relieved when he tells the parents that everything is fine and that the surgery was completely successful.  
The girl didn't speak a lot before and she still doesn't speak a lot now, but they can't do anything about it. They have to wait and see what happens. Maybe they'll need a few more examinations later to see what harm the Trygonocephalus caused, if it caused anything.

He leaves the room when his mobile starts to ring. He remembers the number as one from the hospital he's usually working in.

"Good morning," he says friendly, glad to speak to someone else. "How's it going over there?" he asks. "Calling to see how it worked?" he asks and laughs, but the person on the other side of the phone didn't reply this laugh.

He notices that something was wrong, because of the silence and he doesn't like this.

"What happened?" he asks and the tone of his voice changed.

"There was... an accident last night," the person on the other side says and he's not pretty sure who he's talking to, but it's a woman.

"What should that mean?" he asks and knows that this just can't turn out to be a good thing.

"We had a patient in the emergency room," she begins to explain and suddenly she remembers her voice. She's the head doctor for the Endocrinology, but he can't think of her name right now. She started working a few days before he left to come to Princeton. "He suddenly freaked out completely," she says, he voice becoming serious and calmer than it was before. "He had a gun," she says and waits for his reaction.

He knows that this wasn't good. He knew it before she said it, he just hoped she would say something else.

"Anyone being hurt?" he asks and tries to keep his voice calm. "How the hell did he came in with a gun?" he asks himself although he knows that it wasn't that difficult.

"Couple of nurses, two patients and..." she says and he knows that the next thing is something he doesn't want to hear. Something she knows he doesn't wanna her and it's harder than she thought to give this information away.

"And?" he asks impatient.

"Dr. John Delaney had been shot to death," she says and it suddenly it was terribly silent.

***

"What is going on?" Wilson asks and looks up when he enters his office.

"It's difficult," he says and sits down on his sofa.

"Not the first time I heard this question," he says. "Would you explain me _what _is difficult?"

"Just... everything," he says and leans back.

"What the hell was that in the morning?"

"Don't know..." he says and he really looks like he doesn't know it.

"She is your daughter?" he asks careful.

"Yes, she is."

"Wow, why did you never said a word?"

"It wasn't easy," he says. "I made mistakes. I never thought I would see her again."

"Is that so bad?"

"No, but it changed everything."

"And what should that be?" he asks, not quite sure what he's talking about.  
"I... hurt someone," he says.

"What's going on between you and Cuddy?" he asks. "Was it her?"

"Yes," he answers and avoids his gaze and is angry with himself the same second, because he told him this.

"What happened? I mean you two never acted like normal people, you always fight. Everyone knows this."

"This wasn't about one of those stupid fights Wilson. I really hurt her couple of years ago," he says and takes a deep breath. "We were a couple."

"What?" he asks, because this sounds so unbelievable. "And...?"

"I cheated on her," he says and he hates the bitter taste of that sentences in his mouth.

"Oh," Wilson answers, not sure what to say.

"I told you, I made mistakes. Lisa didn't know she was pregnant," he says and waits for Wilson to react.

"Oh no, " he says. "I think I get it. Explains the way she reacted in the beginning."

"Yeah."

"Did you talk to her?"

"Sort of," he says. He doesn't have to know that Cuddy screamed at him while she was drunk. "Made us both thinking about all of this again."

"I see," he says. "What was her name?" Wilson asks after a couple of seconds and without looking at him he says:"Candra Ward," and Wilson almost drops his cup by the sound of that name and his body tensed completely because of the shock.

He tried to forget this name, the one that made him feeling guilty the last two years. He feels nervous, maybe angry and his face lost all its colors within seconds.

***  
He didn't know what was going on with Wilson since he told him who it was and he wasn't in the mood of dealing with him too. He has enough own problems at the moment, he thinks although it might be a bit unfair, but he didn't even tell him what seems to be wrong so he can't do anything.

The conversation showed him that he has to do something about his misery.

He ignores his doubts and walks into her office without knocking.

"We need to talk," he says determined when she looks up. "But not here," he says and to his own surprise, she nods, not sure what's she's about to do.

***

"What's going on," she asks when he enters the room and she knows that something is wrong. John still hadn't replied any of her calls. "Tell me, what happened!" she says and stands up.

"Laurie," he says and it couldn't be worse. He only uses her fore name when he tries to calm her down or prepare her for something she actually doesn't want to know.

"I want you to sit down," he says and tries to take her arm to stop he from leaving or whatever she's about to do.

"We need to talk," Jackson says and Laurie immediately dislikes the look on his faces and neither the sound of his voice.

It wasn't supposed to be a wonderful day.


	10. Drowning in Sorrow

From the moment he entered the room, she knew he would tell her something she wouldn't want to hear, but there's not a single way out of this situation.

He sits down in front of her, not looking her in the eyes, because he still can't believe what should've happened. He wasn't there, he only knows what they told him on the phone. He feels really sorry for her, because he was her best friend and she wasn't even there when it happened. If this was a good or a bad thing in the end is another question.

"Why didn't he answer the phone?" she asks in a low voice and tries to ban the fear out of it.

"There was," he begins and sits down in front of her and she feels pretty uncomfortable. "An accident," he finishes his sentences and she shakes her head.

"What happened?" she wants to know although she doesn't want to know it to be honest. The fear spreads itself inside of her and she feels her hands starting to shiver. She tries to breathe calmly.

"What?" she asks again and he knows she's about to cry.

He always liked her and sometimes he felt the need to protect the young doctor who works for him from things that might hurt her. He never knew why, but since he knows her, he wants her to be safe. She will be a great doctor, but she was also just a human who needs someone who cares for her.

They always got along with this pretty well, but this time, it doesn't make it easier for him.

"There was a patient," he tries it again, his voice seems to be a little bit stronger, but soft in the same way. "He had a gun," he finishes his sentences and his voice nearly died at the end of the sentences.

Suddenly, everything seems to be so far away. She couldn't move or breathe. She hears his voice far away, her heart pounding inside of her chest so fast that she feels it in her head.

The pain that filled her chest, the moment he made it clear was so cruel that she feels like it's killing her. Or maybe she wishes it would kill her right now.

She couldn't think about it, couldn't believe what happened. She feels so empty right now, not knowing what to do.

She thought she knew it, but she doesn't want to know it. It just can't be true. This just can't be right.

He forgot his mobile phone at home and he's working. That's why he doesn't reply her calls. He had a surgery and a lot of things to do. She knows how it works. He will call back as soon as he sees that she tried to call him the whole day. It must look like she's completely insane by now, but she just cares for him, that's okay.

He will call back in the morning, she tells herself one last time and takes a deep and careful breath, avoiding his gaze.

"Laurie?" he asks soft, not quite sure what to do. He dealt with patients, he told them that they will die and he told parents that their children will not survive the surgery, but this is something different for him. He never told a person who is close to him that her best friend had been shot.

She shakes her head and stands up, feeling completely numb, not sure where to go. The only thing she knows is that she has to get out of here, she doesn't want to have someone around her and she leaves the room without looking back.

She doesn't understand the last words he said.

***

She agreed when he told her that they have to talk, because she knows that they really have to talk. Doesn't matter if she wants this or not, it doesn't matter how painful this is going to be, but they have to talk.

She left the hospital with him when he came into her office and she probably never felt that uncomfortable before. Never felt that uncomfortable in situations she can remember of course.

She walks beside him, sits beside him in his car without saying a word. She can't even look at him. The whole silent time she tries to think about something to say, but she just can't find the right words to express what she feels and what she wants to tell him without beating him or screaming at him.

A stranger might think they're a married couple who just had a fight and don't talk to each other any more for a while until everything is fine again.

Maybe they could be like this today, but things turned out to be different. They sometimes might act like a married couple except the fact that they're not married and that their fight won't be over so soon, because it already lasts for such a long time. An she's not sure whether it will ever be fine between them.

The moment she sat in the restaurant with Jackson, she realized how much she missed Greg. She imagined him sitting in front of her. Watching her with his icy-blue eyes in the semi-darkness of the candle light and she feels a flutter inside her stomach and takes a deep breath, hoping he won't notice it.

The last time she looked at him like this and the last time he looked back at her in exactly the same way is a couple of years ago.

It was the night they slept with each other. They both know it wasn't just sex like they pretend to say it.

It was more than just sex. It was love after a very, very long time they'd been away from each other. Cuddy isn't that romantic, maybe she's never been, but sometimes she changes her mind.

In her lonely nights, she wants to hold him in her arms. Wants to feel his warm body against hers. She wants to feel his warm breath on her throat when she lays her head on his shoulder and he lays her arms around her, moving to a silent melody only they know.

She wants to feel his heartbeat when she lays her head on his chest at night. Sometimes she misses him so much that it hurts. It seems to be so painful that she feels like she can't breathe and she wants to cry, but no one would be there to comfort her afterwards.

And sometimes, she asks herself what he thinks about it. Does he think about her at night? Does he miss her the way she does?

***

Since his conversation with House, he felt like going home as fast as possible. He needs some time to think, although he would do everything that may help him not to think about what happened two years ago.

He'd gone through hell for what he did and by the thought of the harm he caused to another person. He couldn't sleep at night for weeks, because he kept seeing her face at night. Everytime he closed his eyes, he sees her face in front of him A pale face through a broken windscreen at night. A little light shining down at her from somewhere else.

Her pale face. Eyes closed. He remembers that it lay in a way that a head usually never lays. She wasn't breathing. He didn't get close to her, but he couldn't see her body moving. It was caught between the steering wheel and her seat in a disgusting way. The seat belt cut her throat. He couldn't see how the rest of her body looked like, because it was too dark.

She was bleeding. There was a wet trace of blood on her face. Blood on the windscreen.

Suddenly, he was sober again and panic overthrew him. He felt completely overextended and he felt desperate. He was afraid, not knowing what to do. He hadn't realized what happened the moment he looked at her. He thought he must be caught in a bad dream although this picture in front of him looked so frightening real. He feels nervous, fear taking charge of him. His hands started to shiver.

He laid his face in his hands, tried to breathe calmly.

What should he do? I should call help, he thought. I should help her, I'm a Goddamn doctor, he thought, but his feet didn't move. He couldn't do anything and he was drunk.

Before he could think about what he was doing, he went back to his car and hoped that it would still work and drove away.

He left this woman alone in her car. Fatally hurt. He left her alone on this lonely street in the middle of the night with no one to help her.

He left her alone without knowing that she was still breathing and a painful warmth spread inside her head while she prayed for help. Not sure whether she was still alive. Her nose started bleeding.

***

She left the hospital, not knowing where she should go. She feels like being trapped in a weird dream, everything around her seems to happen in slow-motion and she watches life going on, feeling like a stranger in a different world.

She forgot about the things he told her a few minutes ago. Tried to forget about him and everything else. She tries to forget about the hospital, feeling completely empty.

She needs something to fill the emptiness inside of her, she needs something to drown the pain, to make herself believe that everything is fine and that there's nothing that can get to her.

She feels the bitter taste of the alcohol, running down her throat, not knowing what she's actually drinking, but it doesn't matter.

Somehow, she ended up in one of the lecture rooms.

She looks into the empty hall, a little light falling through the windows.

The bottle, of whatever she's drinking, in her left hand, she starts to walk down each step deliberately slowly.  
She listens to the sound that her feeds make in the silence and takes another gulp from the bottle.

She shivers, because of the disgusting taste and coughs, hoping it'll be over soon. It's getting warm and she feels that the alcohol already has its affection on her.

Laurie reaches the second row and let's her hand slide over the cold surface of the table.

She touches her cheek with her hand. The coolness the table left on her hands against her hot and red cheek. She sits down and keeps on drinking, asking herself how much is still in the bottle and if this is enough to drown her completely.

Another shiver runs through her body and to her own disappointment, she realizes that the emptiness is still there. The only thing that could solve this disaster is more alcohol and she is pretty sure that, sooner or later, there will be a point where she won't realize anything anymore.

***

They wanted to talk, but no one says a word. She sits down on the sofa and waits for him to do something.

He never was a shy man, especially not when it came to talk to her, but some things change from time to time. He always felt sorry for what he did, but he can't change it anymore. It happened and there's no way back.

He misses her, but it was hard for him to show it.

House sees her sitting on the sofa and thinks that this is maybe the wrong time to talk. He throws his jacket aside and walks towards her and she looks up.

Without a word, he sits down beside her. Closer than usual. He feels her warm body leaning against his own, hears her breathing. The slow movement that her body makes while she breathes.

He lays his arm around her, not sure how she would react. She leans closer into his body, lays her head on his chest and he holds her tighter.

She closes her eyes and there is it again. The silent melody and she can't remember when she heard it the last time.

"I'm sorry," he whispers and places a light kiss on her forehead.

"I know," she whispers. She knows it, but up to now it is hard to say.

"Why now?" he asks silently and looks at her. She raises her head.

"I don't know," she says and shakes her head lightly. "I really don't know," she says and lays her head on her hand, looking at her from the side.

He raises his hand and touches her cheek soft and lovely.

How long did she wait for this moment? Could this really be real? Yesterday, he was the jerk that pissed her off on purpose and now he is the most wonderful man she ever met.

"You're a dad," she says in a silent voice and this time, there isn't so much anger in her voice.

"Yes," he answers and for a moment he thinks to see a light smile on her lips.

She laughs and he watches her carefully. He likes to hear her laugh, but he knows that it's not that easy. She laughs and this laughter turns into something different. She still can't believe it and she tries hard not to cry, because a part of her is still angry with him.

He raises her chin and looks in her eyes. He leans forward and their lips touch a bit and even he has to say that it hurt more than he thought it would hurt.

She replies the kiss. Slowly at first. Painful and more passionate with every moment. She opens her mouth a little to let his tongue slide in. She feels the flutter in her stomach, the feelings that flush her and she gets lost in his arms.

***

He couldn't believe what he did this night. He couldn't think and he felt numb. He was drunk and he was afraid. He knows that he caused the accident, he didn't know why he acted like this, but he knew he had to run away before someone realized who it was.

He was drunk and all he could think of was his own life. He thought about his life and his job and about the wife he hadn't anymore.

He couldn't risk all of this, because of a stupid mistake.

All he still knows is that his wife told him that she'll leave him, because she's in love with her boss. After being married for three years. She left him from one second to another and it set him off in any ways.

He started to drink after her departure and the next thing he knows is that he stood in front of the broken windscreen, watching a woman he's never seen before and he was afraid.

He didn't know her name, he read it in the newspapers a few days later and he felt the guilt inside of him. Cutting into him like a sharp knife.

He felt guilty and he has never been so afraid before, but this time it was a bit easier to blame it on the divorce.

He was afraid with every step he took, thinking they know it was him every time during the day.

He read her name in the newspapers and since then, the name "Candra Ward" had never left his mind again. She was there whenever he had a calm moment, whenever he had time to think. Every time, he heard about a car accident, he thought about the woman named Candra Ward.

He asked himself whether she'd got a family. Maybe she had children, waiting for her at home. Maybe she had a husband. He will never know the truth.

***

She laid down on the chairs, feeling terrible. The bottle was empty and she can't move anymore. She can't even feel her legs, because they're numb.

The pain in her head became more the last minutes and she couldn't keep her eyes open. She isn't sleeping, but she doesn't realize much that is going on around her. If there is something.  
Sometimes, she hears people from far, far away, but the voices faded away after a few seconds and she's thankful, because they might find her and she wants to be left alone.

She gave up trying to stand up, because her legs won't carry her anymore. To her mind, she can stay here forever, not doing anything, not speaking a word. Being left alone completely seems to be a wonderful thing.

She tries to call John a few more times, because she thought he might be home by now and after the fifth time with no reply, she gave up and her mobile slides to the ground to join the empty bottle.

She feels empty and she wants to scream, she wants to hit someone, but all she does is closing her eyes.

She could drink some more alcohol, she thinks, but the only problem is that it's pretty hard to stand up. She takes a deep breath and tries hard to get herself in an upright position, feeling terribly sick, a pounding pain in her head.

She stands up and the moment she thinks to stand on her feet, they give up and she notices that they actually felt numb and she falls forward without being able to save herself from falling.

The last thing she realizes is that she hit the cold ground pretty hard with her head. She lost consciousness and doesn't realize the warm, fresh trail of blood that drops to the ground.

This time, she just can hope that somebody will find her soon.

***

He tried to get a clear mind, a few more information of what had exactly happened. He knows that this wouldn't change anything, but he feels like doing something right now.

A couple of minutes later he thinks about Laurie and where she'd went and what she did. He feels a little scared and he doesn't know what to do or where to go. He went back to their hotel, but she wasn't there. Actually he doesn't expect here to be there too.

Where do you look for a person in a strange city?

He goes back to the hospital, but there's no sign of her. He asked a few nurses, but they didn't see her either.

He thinks about House and isn't sure whether to reach him. A try was worth it that he knows where she is although he can't believe it.

He hasn't a phone number and he doesn't know how to get it, but he has Cuddys. He doesn't like the imagination, but something tells him that he should try it. Not for himself, but for Laurie.

He dials her mobile number and waits for someone to pick up.

***  
They kissed for a long time without a word, enjoying the presence of each other. She lays in his arms, watching his hand playing with hers slowly.

They both know that it's not over, but for this moment, it couldn't be better. She became tired and it got late without realizing it.

"What are you thinking about?" she asks into the silence without looking at him.

"I missed you," he says after thinking about it for a moment. There was it. She asked herself earlier whether he does and it really touches her and she lays his arm around his chest.

She's about to say something when she hears her mobile ringing in her bag. She hesitates, not sure if she should answer the phone.

"Can't you just ignore it?" he asks calmly.

"I wish I could," she says. "Might be important," she says and leans forward to pick it up and she doesn't like it either.

"Cuddy?" she answers the phone and a second later, she holds the phone out for him. "It's for you," she says and he takes the phone.

***

The moment he heard House saying her name, his body froze and he wishes that he never asked who it was. Why was he so curious? It wasn't any of his business, he tried to forget it. And now?

Now, it is also his business.

How should he look in his eyes? How should he look at her from now on, knowing that he was the one who killed her mother.

He was coward the time he ran away and he still is that coward today.

What should he say?

"I'm sorry, I killed your mum, because I was drunk! I ran away and I left her alone!"

And than? Everything will be fine? He doubts that.

From this night on, he told himself never to drink alcohol again and he hates himself for being so self-pityful.

He walks to one of the drawers in his apartment and looks for an old piece of paper that he kept at the bottom of it.

He never knew why he kept this one, he could never bring himself to throw it away. Maybe he needs it as a kind of punishment for himself.

He takes it out, feeling nervous.

In the semi-darkness of the room, he watches the dark eyes of a beautiful woman.

It was a report about the accident and the person who caused it is still unknown and he prays that no one will ever found out about this.

He watches her one last time and puts it back on its usual place.

***

"I don't have a single idea where she should be," he says and they decided to try the hospital at first, because he already checked the hotel.

"What did he say exactly?" she wants to know when they reach the hospital.

"Said her best friend had been shot," he explains. "She ran away when he told her so," he explains and feels uncomfortable with that thought.

Cuddy shakes her head. "I really hope she is fine."

She couldn't help but worry and she knows that House does the same, but he tries to hide it.

"I'll check the offices," he says and she turns round.

Where could she go? She always thought she knows her hospital better than anyone else, but suddenly she feels like knowing nothing!

Where would she hide if she wants to be alone at night in the hospital. Usually there are people everywhere. Even at night.

She walks down the stairs and asks herself what she's doing here.

The lecture rooms! She thinks and turns around to walk down the corridor in the other direction. There won't be anyone at night, she thinks and walks a little faster without realizing it.

She hopes that she will find her there, unable to explain why she seems to care that much suddenly, it's just there. She's his daughter and she's a part of his life, if he wants that or not and with that, she's also a part of her life.

She starts feeling a little ridiculous, but she tries to ignore it and she slows her steps down when she reaches the door.

Her heart beats a little faster and she lays a hand on the door to push it open slowly, not knowing what she'll find in there, if there will be something.

She let's her view wander through the dark room and for a second her heart stops beating and she frightens when she sees someone laying at the bottom of the stairs.

She almost runs down the stairs and goes down to her knees beside her, realizing the blood at first.

Cuddy knew she had a reason to worry.

She takes her mobile and dials his number.

"Come to the lecture room," she says. "She's here."

She puts her phone aside and brings her to the side and to her relief, she's still breathing but the cut at her forehead looks quite bad.

Without asking or looking for a proof, she knows that she's drunk and she starts to feel really, really sorry for her.

"I'm so sorry," Cuddy whispers and wipes a few hairs out of her face so that she won't look that messy when he arrives.

She hears the sound of his cane on the ground while he tries to reach them as fast as possible.

Lisa turns her head and faces him. He still stands at the top of the stairs, watching both women.  
"She needs help," she says in a silent voice and he walks down the stairs.

He watches his daughter laying on the ground, feeling sorry and a bit helpless. He can treat her like a patient, make her physical wounds heal, but the fact that this is her daughter touches him somehow and she won't be just a patient.

Cuddy can't say what he seems to think or feel the moment he saw her, but she knows that it got close to him.

She touches his hand.

"Let's get her out of here," she says in a still calm voice.

"Yeah," is all he can say for now and is glad that she is with him, because she knows what to do.


	11. Emptiness

Chapter eleven - emptiness

She stands beside the chairs, leaning against the wall in the background. Her eyes are closed and she tries to get a clear mind, but everything that happened in the last days was a bit too much.

She takes a deep breath and touches her forehead with her right hand just to do something, because she feels nervous and uncomfortable with the whole situation.

Despite that she isn't sure how he will react, he'd never bee in such a situation before and up to now, he hadn't said a single word, and then she thinks that she'd also never been in a situation like this before.

"You don't have to stay here," he says in a low voice and doesn't look at Cuddy.

She doesn't expect him to be very emotional, he never shows it and she already got used to it.

She stood in the background all the time and when her starts talking to her, she approaches.

"It's okay," she answers and looks at him even though she expected something more.

"I mean, it's..." he starts, looking for more words, because he isn't sure her isn't sure whether the choice of his words is the right one.

"None of my business?" she asks in a low voice and tries to look in his eyes with a questioning look on her face and he knew why he wanted to use different words.

"Yes," he answers and takes a deep breath, praying that she want interrupt him.

"Yeah," she whispers and he hates the silent trace of disappointment in her voice, but he understood it. It is also her business.

"I didn't mean it like that," he tells her just to say something. "I just wanted to say that it's late and you don't have to stay if you don't want to," he says and she nods.

From the corner of her eye, he sees her moving and when he turns around a few seconds later, he sits on a chair, her face in her hands.

He approaches and for a moment he thinks that she is crying, but when he sits down beside her, she turns her head.

"You're an idiot," she says dryly.

"I know," he answers and it gets silent. Lisa tries not to turn her head and look at him, but she just can't resist.

She leans back against the wall and turns her head to face him without a word.

He looks at her for a short time and raises his hand to touch her cheek gently.

She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath.

"Is that your way of saying thank you?" she whispers and for the first time this night, there's a light smile on her face.

"Maybe," he answers.

"What shall we do?" he asks and she didn't miss that he said "we".

"Go in there," she says.

"She's sleeping," he answers.

"You want her to be alone when she wakes up?" Cuddy asks and tries to ban her anger about this out of her voice.

"Maybe she wants to be alone," he says and turns his head away from her.

"She's not like you!" she says. "She lost her best friend! There won't be someone to be there for her, but you!"

"I don't know what to do!" he says and by the sound of his voice, she knew he is uncomfortable with that.

"Because you don't want to do anything!" Cuddy says a little louder and crosses her arms in front of her chest.

"I don't know what I expected," Cuddy whispers more to herself and she knows that she shouldn't go on, because she's tired, still a little angry and it was a strenuous night for both of them. She knew she shouldn't start a fight, it would lead to nothing, but maybe that was exactly what she needs.

He stands up without a word, maybe he has to be the reasonable person right now.

He had to admit that tonights situation overextended him, but she doesn't have to know this.

He needed her for this, because Lisa is strong enough and he appreciates this in any way.

To his mind, he considers it as the best thing for their relationship at the moment, how it would affect his relationship with Laurie is another question.

"What are you doing?" she asks and looks up.

"The same thing I always did," he says and walks away, listening if there are steps that follow him, but she remained sitting in front of the room.

Maybe he shouldn't have said it like this, but due to the fact that she stayed silent, it wasn't that that provoking.

He can't say whether his decision was right, the only thing he could do was wait.

He left the floor, but she stayed where she was.

Something keeps her there and she tells herself that he has a reason for his stupid behaviour, because he usually has one sooner or later.

***

He couldn't leave the hospital without knowing how she's doing and reading for her file is different than facing her.

To his own surprise it wasn't that difficult to get her file. The fact that she is his daughter and he a doctor made it a little easier.

The alcohol level in her body is quite high which tells him that she usually doesn't drink a lot of alcohol, she doesn't suffer from a traumatic brain injury. She has a cut on her left eyebrow, because she fell on it. It could've been worse he thinks. From the physical point of view.

First of all, she'll suffer from a bad headache, maybe she'll feel sick when she wakes up, but compared to the pain she will feel, because of the loss in her life will be worse than anything else. And now that he thinks about it, he thinks about Cuddy and how she asked him whether she wants her to be alone when she wakes up.

She was right.

He doesn't want her to be alone, but he still doesn't know what to do. He isn't the typical father you might expect, he has never been and to his mind doing nothing is better than doing something wrong at this time.

He will go and see her, but he needs some time to think on his own and with this thought, he leaves the hospital and goes home.

***

Cuddy sighs and tries to calm down, thinking about what to do right now. She can't just go and leave her alone even if she wants it.

Maybe she has this special feelings inside of her. The feelings that she thought she wouldn't have, but actually every woman has this special instinct, the feelings that mothers usually have. She tries to think about it and somehow she disliked the fact, but she can't push it away.

She can't deny that she likes Laurie in some way.

Cuddy doesn't know what time it is when she finally stands up, feeling a little uncomfortable, maybe a little nervous, because she can't figure out what will expect her and without thinking about it further, she pushes the door open slowly.

It's warm inside the room and she walks in, closing the door silently behind her.

Laurie sleeps, she doesn't react when Lisa came in.

Cuddy sits down on the chair beside her bed and tries to think about her feelings. She though that she is used to situations like this, as a doctor, she's confronted with things like that every day, but this felt differently, although she didn't think it would.

The moment she saw her, she found it aggrieving.

Somehow she wishes that she would sleep like this forever, because it will be terrible when she will wake up and deep inside of her, she feels that she should protect her and on the other hand, she wants her to wake up. She wants to know anything about her, she wants to know who she is and somehow she hopes that she'll find out a bit more about Greg when she starts knowing her.

The more she thought about it, the more ridiculous she feels.

She leans back in the chair and closes her eyes, suddenly realizing how tired she actually is and she doesn't bother with checking the time and after a few minutes she falls asleep without noticing it.

***

When he came home, he was a bit furious with himself.

Furious, because he just ran away. He said it by himself. Because he always did it before and so did he this time. He ran away without thinking about the consequences and why.

He felt uncomfortable with the whole situation and he doesn't know if it was right to let Cuddy alone like this and he can't stop asking himself what she's doing right now.

Did she stay?

He switches the lights off and sits down on the sofa.

***

She opens her eyes slowly, and closes them the same second, because the lights appear to be extra bright this morning.  
Her head hurts and she tries to breath and relax, because every part of her body seems to hurt. The first moment, she doesn't even know where she is. Slowly, she starts to remember what happened and what brought her into the hospital bed.

She keeps her eyes closed and tries to breath slowly, the cruel truth hitting her slowly, but to her own surprise, she doesn't start to cry.

Cuddy woke up earlier, because she felt quite uncomfortable, because the way she slept was definitely not a good one. She sat up slowly when she sees her moving in the bed, but she doesn't speak at first.

A couple of minutes later, Laurie turns her head and looks into Cuddy's eyes.

She didn't know what she expect, but it was not her in some way. It felt a little weird, all in all she is thankful that someone is with her right now.

Whenever she thought about something like this, because sooner or later, you will think about such situations, she thought she wants to be alone, but this time, it felt like the most wonderful thing on earth to have someone sitting beside your bed and the look in Lisa's eyes showed her that she cares which certainly touches her.

She is a wonderful person and she's even more grateful that she doesn't speak the first time or asks any questions.

Lisa thought about taking her hand, but changes her mind the last seconds and remains silent, waiting for something to happen.

Laurie clears her throat and watches her again.

"Dr. Cuddy," she says in a silent, hoarse voice.

"Yes," she answers in a low voice and sits up in her chair.  
She takes her time with saying something more.

"What are you doing here?" she finally wants to know and it doesn't sound like she wants her to go away, it was more the fact that she was really surprised to find her sitting beside her bed.

"I... I don't know," Cuddy answers honestly, because she can't really say why she stayed. "I somehow felt like I have to."

Laurie takes another deep breath and suddenly it was really hard to oppress her sorrow and the fact that she misses her mother right now doesn't make it easier.

"You need anything?" Cuddy asks calm and watches her, not quite sure what to do and she's afraid to say something wrong.

"No," she answers and bits her lip. She takes another deep breath and reaches out to hold her hand carefully. "I'm sorry," she whispers. She doesn't answers, but she feels her fingers moving in her own and she takes that as some kind of an answer, a sign that she understood it.

"I'm sorry that he's not here," she adds, because in some way she felt that she should've hold him back.

"What for? It's not your fault."

"I know, but it feels like..." she answers and stops talking.

"Where is he?"

"To be honest, I don't know. He might be home, he's never been that comfortable with some situations you-" she starts, but Laurie interrupts her.

"Why do you defend him?" she asks calmly.

"I always do," she simply answers.

"You love him, don't you?"

"Do you think this is the right time to talk about it? I think you should rest a bit."

"No it's okay. What about now?"  
"What now?"  
"What do you think about him right now?" she asks Cuddy, not really knowing why she asks all those things. She thinks that she won't think about what happened if she just keeps on talking and talking, maybe this will work the first time.

"Right now, I'm furious with him!"

"Why?"  
"Because he did what he always did, he just ran away. He shouldn't have done this!"

"Yeah," she answers silent and silence comes up between the two woman and after a while, Cuddy notices that she still holds her hand.

"You should rest now," Cuddy says and Laurie knew that she shouldn't discuss, she had this determined tone in her voice that tells her better to do what she was told to, because she was the weaker one right now.

"Tell you if you need something," Lisa says and stands up. "Doesn't matter what," she says and Laurie nods.

When she reaches the door, she stops once more when she starts to speak:"Thank you," she says with her silent voice. "Thank you very much."

"Any time," Lisa answers and leaves the room.

While she walks down the floor, she feels her anger coming back and this time she can't really say why she's so angry with him. It can't only be the fact that he went home and left them both alone here. She knew it is more, but it is just to hard to say what made her angry exactly this time.

She leaves the hospital without doing anything else, because it is still very early in the morning, actually it's still night and she's not supposed to be there.

Before she walks out of the hospital, she looks at the clock hanging by the entrance and she realizes that it's only 4am, she expected it to be later or better said earlier, it felt that she slept very long.

She has the choice between going home and grieving over something she can't define or she could go to his House and be angry with him.

She chose to go and see Greg and she doesn't care that he might be sleeping at this time in the morning, he usually complains that he can't sleep at night so it doesn't matter.

She already sees a bright line at the horizon when she reaches his house. It didn't take him a long time to open the door which tells her that he might've waited for her to come.

He steps aside without a word and she walks in, going straight to the bedroom and he reaches her before she sits down on the bed.

"You look tired," he says and she turns around to kiss him before he says another word. She surprised him a little, but gives in. After a few seconds, he realizes what is just going to happen and he would never refuse her, but he isn't quite sure if this is the right thing for her this morning.

She slide under his shirt and took it off and once he looks in her eyes, he know that she's still angry with him. Without thinking about it, he starts to take off her shirt, her jacket already joined some of the other clothes on the ground, and due to the fact that he know she can be a little bit softer, she appears a little aggressive to him this time.

"Liz," he says between two kisses and cups her face. "What are you doing?"

"Isn't that obvious?" she asks and opens her jeans. "I know you want it too," she says and she's right, but he still hesitates.

"I do, but I'm not sure if this is good for you now..."  
"God, what's going on with you? You've been an idiot, you just ran away. I was there and she needed someone, you hear that?"

"And you need me?" he asks and holds her close.

"I do," she whispers and there's a slight trace of desperation in her voice. "Kiss me," she says and looks at him.

He leans forward to kiss her once and says:"I think you should sleep."  
"Argh, can't you just stop thinking? Just this one time?" she asks him and pulls him into another kiss and it doesn't take the a long time to lay down on the bed.

"You know that you're compensating your anger for sex?" he asks between several kisses and taking the rest of her clothes off.

"I'm totally aware of that," she says a little breathless. "It's not just the anger," she whispers.

"What else?" he asks and pulls her on top of him.  
She moans out loudly when she felt him inside of her, laying her arms around him when he sits up just to feel him as close as possible.

"I hate you," she whispers in his ear. "And... and I hate what you did," she says and she leans her head back when he starts to kiss her throat gently.

"You know you don't," he says silent. "Not anymore. You want to hate me, but you can't."  
She tightens her arms around him and whispers:"But I can't stop loving you... and I felt so empty."

"Does that ease your emptiness?" he asks and reaches down between her legs to touch her and she moans out again, her breath fastening.

"Yes," she whispers and her voice is nothing more but a little cry when he fastens his movements.

She still has her arms tight around him even though she is afraid to loose him and he watches her when the orgasm hits her and he can't deny that almost invisible slide of sadness on her face.

A few minutes later, he lays down beside her. He can't see her face, because she turned her back at him, but she took his hand when he lays his arm around her.

One last kiss on her cheek and she closed her eyes and he asks himself if it'll ever be alright.


	12. Don't run away

Chapter 12 – Don't run away

Somehow he felt nervous the last days since he found out that she is the daughter of the woman he killed and he can't decide what's worse, the fact that it is her or the fact that House is her father, because he can't imagine how he will react if he will ever find out about this.

He pushed it away, and he thought that he never has to think about again, but she messed it all up and he hates her for this.

He feels that he has to talk about it, the problem is that it'll cause a lot of trouble for him and he hasn't any idea who he should tell it.

He thinks about it for hours and he feels desperate to talk to someone.

He stands by the window, the phone in his left hand. In the other one, he holds a little piece of paper, a number written on it. He hasn't called the number for a real long time and suddenly it appears to be his only option.

He waits for a few minutes, but there is just the AM.

"Hey, it's James. I need to talk to you, I'd appreciate if you could call me back."

He drops the connection after leaving the message and leaves the house to go to work.

***

She opens her eyes, feeling pretty tired, because the night was very short. She feels his arm still around and prays that it won't be too embarrassing.

She sits up slowly, a sheet wrapped around her body, waiting.

But what for?  
She can't say what it is. She feels shabby and angry, because of her behaviour.

She should've listened to him earlier. Cuddy hears him moving behind her, but she couldn't turn around.

What happened to the though woman who was used to be so strong and now she can't even look at the man she loves with all her heart.

She feels how he approaches behind her, feels his warmth so close, his breath on her naked shoulder and she closes her eyes when he places a light kiss on it.

"Feeling any better?" he asks in a low voice and she'd like to give him an answer, the problem is that she doesn't know how it feels.

She lifts her shoulders for a second and stairs straight ahead.

"I should've stayed," he says and Cuddy still doesn't turn around.  
"Yes," she says. "I gotta go to work soon," she goes on and stands up before he could say anything else.

"Lisa," he says. "What do you think you're doing here?" he wants to know in a calm voice.

"I wish I'd know," she answers in a rejecting voice, picking up her clothes from the ground.

"Why don't you talk to me?" he wants to know and this time he is more serious about this than ever.

"Since when do you talk?" she replies.

"Since when do you act like you're not yourself anymore?" he asks and she leaves the room.

***

She stands under the shower and asks herself why she stayed.

Why didn't she just go home?

She tries to find an explanation for her behaviour, but all she does is being angry with herself.

"Since when do you act like you're not yourself anymore?" she hears his voice in her mind and to her own dismay, she has to say that there is something true about it.

Since Laurie showed up, she felt completely confused and everything seems to be out of order. All the things she oppressed and tried to forget over the last years came back all at once and she was forced to deal with it, feeling overextended and thrown out of balance in any way.

Maybe it'll be just a matter of time until she'll be able to deal with it and she could only hope that it won't be too late then.

***

"Will you go and see her today?" she asks a couple of minutes later in the kitchen.

"Yes," he answers, but not without hesitating a bit and she didn't miss the sudden distance in his voice.

The rest of the morning passed by rather quiet and both of them were pretty happy when they got to the hospital, because they could think about it alone and clear their minds.

***

"What's going on with you?"he wants to know in his usual tone. "You're running away from me?" House asks and actually he isn't as sad about this as he pretends to be.

"I have some work to do," Wilson answers and walks next to him, feeling a little nervous all of sudden.

"Yeah," House answers.

"How's she doing?" he asks just to say something and maybe to calm down his conscience a little.

"I don't know," he answers. "Haven't seen her since Cuddy found her."

"You didn't-" Wilson starts and House cuts him off.

"No."

"But-"

"None of your business Wilson," he answers and hopes that he will stop and to his own surprise, he is silent for a few moments.

"What's going on with you Wilson?" he asks again.

"What do you mean?" he answers and prays that the tone of his voice doesn't sound that obvious.

"Don't be stupid! I can her you caring about something!"

"You're crazy!"  
"I'm right," House says. "Anything I should know?"

Suddenly, Wilson hesitates, feeling nervous.

"No... no there's nothing," he finally says.

"You're going to buy me lunch," House says and Wilson knows that it wasn't a question.

***

"May I come in for a moment?" Dr. Arthur Jackson asks after knocking on her office door.

"Sure," Cuddy says. "Have a seat."

"Thanks," he says and sits down in front of her, watching her for a moment without a word.

"I think it's time to go," he says.

"Oh," Cuddy says and she notices that she forgot that his time in the hospital was already over.  
The patient is doing well and there's nothing else for him to do.

"It was nice to work with you again," he begins. "Thank you for that."

"You're welcome," she says with a smile. "I have to thank you."  
"Any time."

"Good to know," she says and they laugh. "How are you?" she asks him in a more serious voice.

"I'd like to stay away from my hospital, there's a lot of work to do for me. And I don't feel good about leaving Laurie back here."

"Don't worry, we'll take good care of her."

"I know you do and I really appreciate this, but..." he tries to go on, but words failed him.

"It's okay. I think I know what you wanna say."

"Good," he answers.

"I wish you good luck," Cuddy says and stands up, and so does he.

"And I wish you good luck," he says and holds out his hand. "Both of you," he says and she shakes his hand, feeling a little uncomfortable.

"Should I..." Cuddy offers and points at the door.

"No, I'll find the way out on my own, thank you."

He is about to go when she calls him back.

"Arthur?"

"Yes?"

"I'm sorry," she says, still standing behind her desk.  
"I know," he answers and the door closes. She watches him for a few seconds until he disappears out of her sight.

She sighs and sits down again.

***

"Good morning James," a womans voice says. "It's so nice to hear from you. Did anything happen? You sounded a little nervous. I'm sorry that I couldn't answer the phone earlier.

You might call back in the evening when Bailey's asleep. Bye!"  
The little lamp of the Am started to blink to show that there's a message that waits to be listened to.

***

He walks into her room, trying to be silent and when he closes the door, he finds her sitting in her bed, staring out of the window.

"Hey," he says and sits down in the chair beside her bed and she doesn't react.

"I'm not a man of great words and emotions so I'll better not try to cheer you up by saying anything intelligent to which you won't listen anyways -" he says, but she interrupts him.

"You don't have to say anything," Laurie says and shakes her head.

"Oh," he says and thinks about it. "What should I do then?" he wants to know.

"I wish I'd know that, but unfortunately I don't."

"How do you feel?" he asks her although he knows that this is a quite stupid question due to her situation.

"Too empty to define it."

"Well, "empty" is a description".

"Yeah," he answers.

"Is there anything you need right now?" he asks although it costs him a lot of strength to do so.

"No, thank you."

"Okay."

"But wait. There's one thing," she says and looks at him.

"Yes?"

"Remain sitting there just a little longer."

"Sure," he says and sits down again. Both staring out of the window in silence.

***

"Did you see House?" Cuddy asks when she enters his office. His assistants look up and shake their heads.

"Thank you," Cuddy whispers more to herself when she leaves the room again. "For nothing."

On the one hand she doesn't wanna see him, because she acted so stupidly this morning, but on the other one she is curious whether he already visited her or not.

She walks down the stairs, through the Lucas Wing, but there isn't any sign of him and so she stops in the corridor, close to Laurie's room, but she couldn't walk in and check if he's in there.  
She stands by the balustrade, her hands on it. Watching the water that falls down silently and for a moment everything seems to be so silents and there's nothing but the sedative sound of the water. The light blue light makes it looking more beautiful than anything else she saw today.

She stands there in the silence and a light smile spreads on her face, without turning around, she knows that it's him.

She knows the way he walks and the sound that his canes makes with each of his own steps.

Lisa turns around and looks at him, he approaches a little more, and lays his arms around her. She lays her head on his shoulder, feels how her body relaxes slowly by resting so close to his arm body, her arms tight around him.

"I'm afraid to loose you," he whispers in her ear. "I don't know how long I'll be able to hold you."


	13. Capitulation

Chapter thirteen – capitulation

„You're not going to talk?" he asks, sitting beside her in the plane.

"Are you?"

"Don't know what to say," he answers honestly.

"Me neither," she answers although she wants to ask a lot of questions, it just doesn't appear to be the right time.

"We can't be silent all the time."  
"Why not?" she says without looking at him. The closer she gets home, the more uncomfortable she feels and talking just makes it a lot more difficult.

"Why are you so stubborn?" he wants to know without being reproachful.

"Same question to you," she answers and he leans back in his seat, not really knowing how to answer this question.

The rest of their flight passed by in thoughtful silence and he is glad that it's not such a long flight to San Francisco.

He always watched people's way to move, their behavior and how they walk, talk or laugh. It was always helpful to solve a case and heal the patient.

He always tried everything to save them, failing was out of question.

But this time, everything is different.

He notices her tensed composure, the way she does not speak. The way she behaves to defend herself. The dark shadows beneath her eyes, the tiredness inside of them. She secretly bit her fingernails, because she's nervous and afraid. She barely ate the past days and she never looked people in the eyes.

It's all there. Different kinds of symptoms, things that'd usually help him to figure out a solution to the case, but this time he seems to be helpless. He has to accept that she is not one of his usual patients.

She's his daughter and probably the most difficult case he ever had.

He couldn't treat her like anyone else, he feels like he can't do anything. Unable to react in a reasonable way. This is one of the moments in which he wishes Lisa would be there, but he knew he has to learn how to deal with it on his own.

They take a taxi to her apartment and to his surprise, she starts to speak after almost three hours without a single word.

"I just want to warn you, it's a little messy. I hadn't any time to clean up before I left."  
"I'm used to that," he answers.

"Good," she says and it's silent again.

He suddenly realizes that it'll even be worse for her. There will be things at her home that will make her remember him. Bring up emotions and remind her of what'll never happen again. She tries to push it away, but he knows that the worst is yet to come.

***

She stands by the window in her bedroom. A glass of wine in her hand.

She remembers the night he knocked at her window, wet all over his body, to tell her that he finally solved their case. He scared her to death and she stood by the window, wearing nothing but her night dress. She wasn't pleased when it happened and right now, she'd do anything for it.

She wants him to knock at her window, wants him to be with her, and again she thinks of their brief moment in which he told her that he isn't sure how long he'll still be able to hold her.

Tears flush her eyes and the well-known fear is suddenly back. She flushes it with some wine and sits down on her bed.

He has to take care of his daughter, she needs him and she also misses Laurie, but she tries to ignore it for a while. She still has to think about something to tell Dr. Harper tomorrow.

Actually there's so much to say, so many things she needs to get rid off that it's hard to find something to start with.

The problem is that she's afraid of talking about her feelings, revealing her weaknesses isn't a nice thing although she knows it will help. Sometimes, she is ashamed, because she could never say why she behaves the was she does. She might know an answer, but when it comes to the point, she fails.

The fatigue overcomes her and after brushing her tears in a very slow way, she drops down on her bed, falling asleep right after that.

***  
Wilson holds the phone between his hands, nervously considering his options. He tried to call her once, but all he did is leaving a message on her AM. Somehow he thinks that it would be easier if she calls and he answers the phone without knowing it's her.

He waits a couple of minutes, walking through his apartment, going through it again and again in his mind.

Suddenly he decides that it's now or never. Either he calls her now or he will probably never call her.

He dials her number slowly, secretly hoping that something or someone will distract him.  
This is against everything he always believed in. What he did is against all his rules, but he knows that he can't make it undone.

He counts the seconds between the rings when he waits for her to pick up the phone.

It took her exactly 54 seconds.

"Hey James," she says friendly, sounding a bit out of breath.

"Am I distracting you?" he asks and tries not to sound too nervous.

"No, no," she says and laughs. "I was just upstairs and I had to rush down to pick up the phone."  
"Okay," he answers and laughs nervously. "I'm glad to finally get you on the phone."

"I know it's been a long time since we talked. A lot of things happened," she says.

"I hope you're alright?"

"Yes," she says. "Nothing bad... actually," she tells him, but hesitates a moment.

"Actually?"

"Well, everything is fine," she answers and she doesn't seem to want to talk about it. "What about you?" she asks. "You sounded differently when you left a message."

He lets out a sigh, because she got it right to the point.

"I wanted to talk to you," he says, his voice serious all of sudden. "I need to," he says and even she notices that something happened.

"What's going on?" she asks worried.

"I... I did a huge mistake," he begins and suddenly it's very hard to go on.  
"James?" she asks, because she hears that he is still on the phone.

"I killed someone," he whispers and this time, she remains silent.

***

They stand in front of her door and he feels quite uncomfortable, because he doesn't know what to do and what to expect.

"We could get a hotel room," he offers into the silence, "Separate rooms of course," he adds when she looks at him.

"I life here," she says. "I don't need a hotel room," she says and unlocks the door.

"Just wanted to help," he says more to himself.

"There we are," she says and throws her key and bag to the sight, walking into the room to open a window.

"It's nice," he says and follows her into the room.

"Thank you," she says with a slight trace of sarcasm.

"I'm serious."

"It's messy!"

"Didn't expect anything else."

"How charming," she says with a look at him. "You can stay in here," she shows him the room that is very tidy in contrast to the rest which tells him that she doesn't use it a lot.

"Did you have a closer look at my apartment?" he asks and puts his bag inside the room. He hears her laughter from the kitchen and walks into the room a couple of seconds later.

"You want something to drink?"

"Sure," he says and a couple of minutes later, he sits on her backyard porch, although you couldn't really say she has a backyard.

The view is amazing. He watches the streets of San Francisco which lay a little lower, the bay and the Golden Gate Bridge to his left side.

He even hears the sea, but after sipping his drink, he thinks that this could also be the sound of cars.

She steps out and sits down beside him.

"You really got a nice place here," he says without looking at her.

"Thank you," she answers, this time without the sarcasm.

A couple of minutes pass and no one says a word, lost in their thoughts.

"How long will you stay?" she asks him.

"How long do you want me too?"

"You have to go back to work soon," she says.

"I think Cuddy will understand this," she says. "She has to."

"She will miss you," Laurie says in a soft voice and he looks at her. "Will you miss her too?"  
"Probably."

"Don't say probably! You know, you will," she says and he smiles and nods.

"I think I will miss her too," she says more to herself. "She is a wonderful woman."

"She really is."

There's silence again and she tries to forget about all the things that will expect her in the next days.

"Maybe I should go to the hospital tomorrow," she throws in, because she hates the silence.

"You're still on sick leave."

"I don't want to work."  
"What then?"

She shrugs and empties her glass.

"You shouldn't go," he says, staring straight ahead.

"Why?"

"Because I say so."  
"You're giving me orders?" she wants to know and her voice sounds almost amused.

"Maybe," he says. "I'm serious, don't do that. It's too early."

"Did you ever do things from whom you know you will regret them in the end, but did them despite your doubts?"

He thinks about that for a second. It was, of course, a mistake that he cheated on Lisa, but he doesn't regret having a daughter. But there were other things.

"Yes," he answers, without looking at her.

"I'll get you another drink," she says and takes his glass without waiting for an answer.

***

She sits down in the floor, leans against the wall. Her eyes closed. She feels very tired, because she had an exhausting day and she wants nothing but go to bed, but this is out of question by now. The phone lays beside her on the ground and she sighs.

She can't believe what she just heard, it can't be true, it all sounded ridiculous, hit her so unexpectedly.

She even thinks that there's a trace of disappointment inside of her. She always had faith in him, always believed in him. The wonderful James Wilson, so nice and lovely, willing to help whenever he can. A good friend for such a long time and suddenly she feels devastated and the image she had about this man starts to shatter.

She stands up slowly and switches her laptop on.  
"Fuck," she hisses with a glance at her watch. It's almost time to wake up for Bailey and she didn't have sleep up to now.

She can't sleep now, she has to found out something about a woman named Candra Ward.

***

She stands in front of the counter, staring into the empty glasses, her hands tight on the edge of it, because she feels that she has to steady herself.

She's furious. Furious with everything around her, the longer she stands in her kitchen, the more strength she needs to keep up her protection. It all starts to crawl up and she doesn't know how to resist.

If she was alone right now, she would've already broken down, but she can't let it happen. She tells herself that she can do it and suddenly it all breaks to pieces.

She can't breathe anymore, the pain inside her chest pushes her down and warm tears start to wet her cheeks, her body shivers.

She doesn't look up when he enters the kitchen.


	14. Denial

Change my life for me – fourteen: Denial

He never thought he could do what he did in the last few hours. Not even two weeks ago, he would've laughed in their faces. Mocked everyone who told him that he will let down his defenses to offer comfort to a person in need. There was not even the tiniest moment in which he thought that, one day, there will be someone to make him change.

She didn't only change him, she forced him to think about old memories. Things that happened long ago and although he isn't sure whether this is good, he knows that it is necessary.

He never thought he could feel pain. Not the pain his leg usually caused, but pain that lays heavily on his chest. Two weeks ago, he would've never admitted to miss someone.

He never even imagined that he would offer help to someone that had nothing to do with an interesting case.

That he would be there for someone else in such a private way, because this was the thing he usually avoided.

When he sat on the porch, he knew that something was about to go wrong and a part of him wanted to hold himself back. He hated to deal with grieving people, because he was afraid of doing something wrong and this always made him feel uncomfortable.

But when he walked into the kitchen, he saw his child crying about a huge and painful loss in her life and it suddenly seemed to be so easy.

He remembered the soothing feelings he felt every time he hold Lisa close and he knew this is what she might need.

He walked beside her without a word and closed her in his arms. He held her tightly to keep her on her feet, felt her shivering body while she cried.

He closed his eyes for a moment and thought about something to say, but nothing he thought about appeared to be right.

He could've told her that everything will be okay, but that would've been a lie. For the next time, nothing will be alright. He also hated people who liked to tell people not to cry or to be angry in such situations, because she had a right to her anger and she had a right to cry about it as long as she wants.

Due to the fact that he couldn't come up with something useful, he kept his mouth shut. Sometimes, silence is the very one thing that helps best.

He can't remember how much time passed, but after a while, he lead her into her bedroom. She sat down on the bed and stared straight ahead.

Tears streamed down her cheeks and the only sound her hears was the sound of her sobs every once in awhile.

She finally started to realize what happened. Very slowly.

He knows the worst is still about to happen, but she allowed herself to let out her emotions.

A beginning at least.

He sits on the porch again, alone this time. She cried herself to sleep and he needs some time for himself to think.

She denied what happened, she was shocked since it happened, but she slowly starts to deal with it.

The denial is done, he thinks. Anger is about to follow.

He stares at the streets again, suddenly realizing that the sun starts to rise at the horizon.

He knows that he also has to prepare himself for the next time, she needed him.

He considers if he should call Lisa, because he feels like he needs someone too. He needs her soothing voice to keep him on track. He needs her to talk. He finally understands that he can't keep anything for his own.

Actually he feels a little sorry to wake her up, because she'll might have a strenuous day, but he needs her.

There's a chilling breeze when he walks back on the porch, the phone in his hands.

He dials her phone number, the one he knows by heart ever since they met the first time. It takes her only a couple of seconds to pick up the phone, he knows that she usually keeps the phone beside her bed.

"Cuddy?" he hears her sleepy, but a little confused voice.

"Hey," he says in a very soft way.

"Greg?"

"Sorry for waking you up," he says and the wish to kiss her grows.

"It's okay," she says and sits up in her bed, wiping the sleep from her eyes. Her mood brightens a little when she noticed that it's him.

"Is everything okay?" she asks although she knows that this question might appear a little weird now.

He takes a long breath and tries to think of something to say.

"I think she's about to realize what happened," he begins, knowing that it's still a long way until she'll really accept it. He can't imagine whether she'll ever understand it, but she has to understand it one day. Unless, she will not be able to go on with living her life.

"Are you okay with it?" she asks softly.

"I guess I have to," he answers. "I never know what to say."

"You do," she says determined. "You do know what to say."

"But why is it so difficult?"

"You're afraid to do something wrong, because she means something to you," she says. "You changed," she says and he thinks that she's smiling.

He feels a little weird that she's the one who tells him what's going on here.

He analyzed patients, dealt with their behaviour and all those things, but when it comes to things such as empathy or emotions, he still seems to have to learn a lot.

She remains silently to give him some time and she almost hears him thinking about it.

He listens to her calm breath and closes his eyes.

"Yes," he answers in a silent voice.

"When will you be back?" she wants to know and by the sound of her voice, he knows that this is not a question about work.

"Next week," he says after a few more seconds of silence. He hears her taking a deep breath.

"I miss you,"

"I miss you too," she answers touched. "Come back soon," she answers and it almost sounds like a plea.

"Go to bed," she says, this time friendlier. "She doesn't need you to be sleepy."

"Yeah".

"Good night."

"Good night Lise" he says and can't help but smile when she drops the connection.

He watches the horizon for a few seconds and walks back in to go to bed.

"Changed," he thinks when he closes the bedroom door.

***  
Early in the morning, he sits at her kitchen table with a cup of coffee. He'd been awake all night, thinking about Cuddy and his daughter, but he couldn't come up with anything that might help him. In the end, he decided that it's the best to wait and take decisions when it's time to.

There's a chilling breeze outside and the sky is pretty cloudy that morning. He never really believed in symbols, but this is suspicious.

His coffee went cold and he thinks about Laurie.

About the things that happened last night and when she'll come out of her room, if she ever will and what should he do?

Almost an hour later, he hears a silent noise to his right side and he realizes that the door to her room was opened a little and she steps out silently. She walks toward him, looking so different from the woman he met two weeks ago.

Her appearance is pretty fragile, her face pale, her eyes tired and extinguished.

She walks past him, letting a hand slight over his shoulder. When she stands by the big glass front, watching the dark clouds outside, she thinks that this replaces her mood. The anger that built itself up inside of her during the last night.

She presses her right hand together, feeling her fingernails digging into her skin. Suddenly, she wants to hit the glass in front of her with all her strength.

Her anger seems to be unbearable, tears flood her eyes when she thinks about the man who killed him.

She wants to see him, to hurt him with all her strength, for a moment she even thinks about killing him.

She bits her lip and takes a deep breath.

"It's cloudy," she says and keeps on staring out of the window.


	15. Anger

On her way to the hospital Laurie barely realized what was going on around her. The only thing she knows is that she hates them. Hates all people who walk by for being so ignorant. She is pissed because of the woman who smiled at her, she wanted to scream at the people who touch her while walking by in any way.

The time passed and she reaches the hospital, a sudden pain inside her chest. She tries to breathe it away, knowing exactly that it would stay. She decides to push it away when she walks through the main entrance.

***  
"Are you okay?" Cuddy asks Wilson when he walks by. For some reason she thinks that he behaves weird the last days. She can't say what it is. It couldn't have to do anything with House's absence, because he's probably glad that he'll be able to do his work for a few days without being disturbed on a regular basis.

"Yeah!" he asks when he turns around. He seems to be a little nervous. The little voice in her head tells her that his answer was way to fast. She knew Wilson long enough to know that something changed.

"You sure?" she asks again and notices that he looks pretty sleepy.

"Yeah, why not?" he answers nervously and is angry with himself at the same time, because he just couldn't hide his damn nervousness.

"That's what I ask you" she answers and raises an eyebrow.

"I am. I just have to go. Patient's waiting, sorry," he says and leaves Cuddy behind. She couldn't do anything but shake her head.

She knows something is wrong. Something about him seems to be suspicious. With a glance at her watch she realized that Dr. Harper must already be waiting for her so she starts to go to the other direction with fast steps.

***  
When Stacy found out about the job in San Francisco, she was pretty excited about it and decided to give it a try. She needed a new beginning, something far away from where she lived the last few years.

After being divorced from Marc, she wanted to leave more then ever.

She needed something new and this was a great thing to do. She still remembers how happy she'd been in so many ways.

She still is happy. Her job as constitutional lawyer is good and she works with nice people. Well, it's not that she didn't work with nice people at PPZH. Lisa and James are amazing people, just like... just like Greg.

She still can't deny that he didn't amaze her in so many ways. Otherwise she wouldn't have been with him for five years.

Even when she thinks about Greg today, there's still this light pain inside her heart. And there's always a bittersweet trace that comes along with it.

He was the one and he'll always be, she said it herself and she'd been honest in any way. She sighs, pushes him away and takes the file of her newest case to go through it again for the millionth time. It happened at the hospital.

A patient with a gun shot down two people. The doctor John Delaney and a nurse called Henriette Baker. The got him under control before he killed himself so she'll have to face that bastard in court the day after tomorrow.

Unwillingly, her thoughts drift to Wilson and she remembers what he told her and what she found out, but this doesn't make it easier.

She stands up to get some fresh air and a coffee to clear her mind.

***  
Laurie walks into the hall.

All the different things in there seem to pull her down. It seems like she'd never been here before. Or years ago. It appears to be so far away that she feels like a lost stranger.

Someone who's never been here before. She steps further into the hall and notices the pairs of eyes that follow her on every step.

It feels strange and the well-known anger starts to take control of her again.

There's nothing to stare for all the goddamn idiots. They don't have any right to do so.

For a brief second she asks herself what would happen if she'll scream out loud. Just like that.

Nothing that would make sense, just a loud scream.

She takes a couple of more steps, faster this time, feeling lost in the huge hall. Would someone even bother to look up when she starts to scream?

She doubts that.

She could tell them how much she hates them right now. How much she wants them to stop staring at her in such a pitiful way.

She walks around the reception desk, feeling the eyes of anyone burning on her back. She needs to go somewhere, but she can't imagine where to go. All of sudden she feels so terribly lost inside the huge building that had once been something like her home.

Lost in desperation, she walks toward the changing room.

It's quiet when she walks in. There's some daylight that shines through the window at the other side of the room. It throws some shadows onto the ground between all the lockers. She moves into the room a bit more, feeling something gnashing under her shoes.

The room is duty as ever, because no one seemed to bother to take care of this room. For a moment, she sees the dust shimmering in the daylight in front of her.

She sits down at a bench between the rows of lockers, staring out of the window. There's nothing but a cloudy, gray sky outside and she couldn't help but ask herself whether there'll ever be sunshine again.

She inhales a few times, feeling the dusty air filling her lungs and everything seems to happen in slow motion.

Unwillingly, sh remembers how she met him the very first time and how many time they'd spent in here to change to start working.

Greg was right. It was a damn mistake to come.

***  
It almost became a ritual for Cuddy to feel frustrated and even worse after every therapy lesson she had with Dr. Harper.

She feels like it doesn't really help, but as a reasonable doctor, she knew better than to stop it.

She had to go through this, because loosing him is the worst thing that could happen to her. Even the thought of it causes a slight trace of pain inside her chest.

She sits in her office and replays the conversation in her head, but that doesn't make it any better. She always thought she would enjoy the time when House is not around. She would do her work happily, have meetings without being distracted all the time. But now that he is away, she realizes that she misses this. She needs him around, no matter in which way.

She sighs and thinks about Wilson who acted extremely weird the last days. She knew Wilson long enough to know that something went wrong or is still going wrong. He seems so nervous, something pulls him down a lot, but he tried to pretend it's not earlier, but to be honest, he's not pretty good at this.

She tells herself to deal with that later, because another meeting is about to begin in a few minutes.

***

Wilson walks through his office again and again. Up and down. From the left to the right side and vice versa. He's bothered about himself, because he seems to be so obvious.

Because he couldn't be more confident. Cuddy noticed it, so House will in any case. And he knew him good enough to say that he won't stop until he knows what's going on.

And why the hell did he tell Stacy the truth after all these years?

For God's sake she's a lawyer, her should've known better! The night he told her what happened was the last time he talked to her. She didn't call anymore and she seemed absent with her thoughts when they hang up the phone early in the morning. The fact that made him nervous is that she didn't call, but he doesn't dare to call her either.

The fact that he doesn't know what she's going to do nearly kills him. And he just can't deny the fear that crawly up slowly.

He checks his watch and sighs.

It's already 11.55am.

***

"I thought you would come sooner or later," he says calmly, approaching to her.

She didn't frighten because his voice sounds so far away. She turns around to face him, but truth be told, she stares right through him.

"I shouldn't have," she whispers, still staring. "I really shouldn't have," she says and shakes her head.

"It's not your fault."

"I shouldn't have come to Princeton with you," she replies, her voice stronger this time. "Why did you ask me?" she wants to know with a trace of bitterness inside her voice. "Tell me, why had it to be me?"

"Because you're a great doctor,"he answers still calm, looking at her. She hates the calm sound of his voice.

"This is not what I wanted to hear," she says and turns her head away.

"I expected that."

"It was a mistake to go."

"Didn't you hear what I say?" he wants to know and walks around the bench. "It was not your fault. It may have been a mistake, but imagine you stayed here?" he looks at her, asking himself at the same time what he expects.

"I don't know," she admits sadly.

"It probably would've happened too," he tells her.

"But he wouldn't have been alone."

"He wasn't."

"You say so," she answers, and feels how her body starts to tremble slightly.

"You could've been hurt too."

"Maybe that would've been better."

"You know you don't mean it, you're sad and angry and-"

"Stop it!" she shouts and he becomes silent for a few seconds.

"You finally found your father, keep that in mind," he says softer. "Once you lost a person, there's always one to refill that gap," he says and laughs bitterly at this sentences.

"It's hard to believe that it was worth it," she says.

" You just say it because you're furious, you know that?"

"For heaven's sake would you stop acting like a stupid wiseguy?" she says loudly, because he pisses her off. Deep inside, she knows that he is right with everything he just said.

"I shouldn't have come," she says reproachful and stands up to leave.

***

She sits inside the cafeteria with her back to the others, watching out of the window. She asks herself if it'll rain today, because there are so many dark clouds at the sky. Since she moved to San Francisco, she hardly remembers rainy days. There weren't only nice days, but at least hardly any rain. Something she was used to in New Jersey. And she really loves the foggy mornings.

She sips her coffee and thinks about her daughter Bailey.

She's her foster child since two months. She was four weeks old when Stacy started to take care of her. She fought a long way until she was allowed to, but every minute was worth it.

She loves her with all her heart.

Actually, she never wanted children. She was okay with t, or thought so, but something was always missing.

Her life changed a lot.

She spent some time with day dreaming about her life and how it had been only a few months ago. After a while, she couldn't help but think about Wilson again, he really disturbed her.

How could he have been so cruel? The always kind James Wilson killed a woman because he was a coward and the fact that he'd been drunk makes it even worse.

All she found out is that it had been a car accident in the middle of the night. She found an old newspaper article which said that the woman named Candra Ward had probably been alive after the crash, but she died because there'd been no one to help. She had a daughter at the age of twenty-six at that time. No mentions of a father or a family.

"Poor girl," Stacy thought. It happened two years ago. Why did she never notice anything.

***

House walks through the city and decides to rest in a Café close to the sea. He can't imagine when he watched the sea the last time. He actually liked it.

He couldn't stay in her house, because it might've bored him to hang out there all day.

He asks himself if Laurie really went to the hospital and if so, he hopes that it won't end up to bad.

***

Laurie walks out of the locker room. All of sudden filled with a certain rage.

She couldn't stand listen to his ever calm voice any longer, acting like nothing ever happened. He didn't show the slightest sign about the fact that he lost one of his doctors.

"Laurie, wait" he says and follows her out of the room.

"The fuck I do!" she yells at him and keeps on walking back into the hall. Again, all eyes are focused on her and she turns around furiously.

"You got nothing to do?" she yells at all the other people in front of her, no matter if they know what's going on. Her madness slowly turns into desperate helplessness which feels even worse. "Go on with your own damn business", she screams even louder and a few turn their heads away with embarrassment.

Stacy walks along the corridor when she hears a woman's scream , a short distance away. She can't understand what she's screaming, but it doesn't sound happy in any way.

Deep inside, she prays that nothing to bad happened, because it reminds her of the things that only happened a couple of days before.

She walks around the corner and hesitates when she reaches the top of the stairs.

Stacy sees a woman who stands in the middle of the entrance hall, looking a little lost. Due to the way some of the nurses look at her and how Dr. Jackson tries to approach, Stacy guesses that she is the one who screamed. She can't imagine that she saw her before.

She only works in the hospital for a few weeks, or at least two because she took some time to take care of Bailey and it was impossible to know all doctors.

The hospital is quite back and usually she only knows their names when they fucked something up. But now that she thinks about it twice, she could also be one of his patients.

Stacy watches her turning around one last time to face Jackson and within seconds, she leaves the hospital. Stacy tried to see the look on her face, but she didn't dare to approach and she decides that it's the best thing to go back to her office.

***

He starts to head to her house to see if she returned and if she's doing "fine" or at least still alive and unwillingly this thought makes him feeling uncomfortable. What if something happened to her?

Maybe he should call Lisa to see how she's doing, but at the same time he feels stupid to call her again so he decides to wait.

***

At the same time Cuddy thought that it might let her look like a foolish girl if she calls him again so she thinks that it's the best thing to wait a little longer.

Since he's not here, she's the one who has to have an eye on his assistants and there's still Wilson who hides something.

And she couldn't forget Laurie too.

How's she dealing with all those things?

***

The fact is that Laurie isn't dealing with it in any way. She didn't know what to do when she left the hospital. The funeral is tomorrow, she couldn't even imagine to look in his parent's eyes although they'd been like parents to her for the last years.

She just couldn't bare this.

But where to go?

It got chilly outside and she didn't see any chance but to go home.

A few minutes later, she stands in front of the mirror inside her own bathroom. Wet all over because it started to rain and she didn't bother to hurry up.

He wasn't there when she came home and she hasn't enough strength left to bother about his absence.

She looks at her pitiful appearance in the mirror and for a brief moment, it feels like looking at a stranger. It seems like something has left her.

She doesn't only feel empty, she even feels empty. Her eyes still have that sad, undeniable look, her skin became pale and she might've lost some weight.

She thinks that she looks right through her reflection and with every breath it's harder to inhale, because the pain and the fear inside of her chest became more cruel.

She wants to hit the mirror with all her strength, but instead doing that, she lets herself slide to the ground slowly.

She feels so damn tired, so weak so that her feed don't carry her anymore.

It only took her an instant to burst into silent tears and she thinks to hear a key at the door.

***

In the early evening, Stacy stands by the window in her house, holding sleeping Bailey save in her arms.

"What a sad day," she whispers with a look at the rain outside. Time's running. Now that she knows what Wilson did, she has to tell the truth. Otherwise she'll get in trouble too, because she keeps it a secret for such a long time. Even a few days could be very long by law. She has to make a choice as fast as possible.

She carries Bailey to her bed and kisses her forehead.

"Time to rest," she whispers and watches her for a few seconds with a tired smile on her face before she leaves the room.


	16. End of a common journey

Chapter 16 -

He woke up early in the morning with an uncomfortable feeling inside his chest. It's the morning of the funeral. He remembers how he felt when he went to his father's funeral, or better said, was forced to go. Although he hated him, he knows it was the right thing to do so.

Again, he waited for her in the kitchen.

The last days were uncomfortably quiet but none of them knows what to say or how to behave in front of the other now.

He checks the time and a few minutes later, she enters the kitchen.

"Good morning," she says quietly.

"You want some tea?" he asks her and she nods. Somehow, she seems to be stronger this morning, but he can't say why.

Is she just pretending so or is she really accepting it?

Something tells him that it's the first option, but he knew better than to ask.

"How's Lisa doing?" she asks a few minutes later, after sipping her tea in silence.

"She's okay," he answers. "She asked for you," he tells her.

"That's nice," she answers. Lisa is a wonderful person, she thinks again and puts her cup on the counter.

They remained silent for a few more seconds and she tries to breathe calmly to focus her attention on all other things, but not the things that are about to take place.

"Time to go," he says and she nods once more and they leave the house.

***  
"Good morning Sweetheart," Stacy says with a tired smile on her face. She just can't be angry with her and the fact that she refused to sleep all night.

She carried her to her bed to lay in there for just a few more moments.

Bailey plays happily with her fingers and it makes Stacy laugh how someone can have so much fun with something so simple.

She doesn't have anything to worry about, Stacy thinks and the heaviness inside her chest returns. During her sleepless nights, she had enough time to think. It's time for a choice. She can't afford to make a mistake. She can't risk to loose Bailey.

She may give it a try in the afternoon.

"Okay honey," she says and lifts the little girl up to walk downstairs with her. "Let's get you something to eat."

***  
As far as she remembers, it's the day of the funeral today. The wish to talk to him grows with the thought. She keeps on imagining what happens there and how they're doing. She might call him in the evening when the hardest part is over.

Despite all other things, she got a new problem.

Her neurosurgeon, Dr. Hanson, won't be able to work any more. Only two weeks ago, he got sick, but she didn't expect that he wouldn't return. His disease makes it impossible to do his job any more. Cuddy sighs and leans back in her chair.

She employs two residents in the Neurosurgery Department, but she needs at least one attendant to run it properly. She adds this problem to her mental list of all problems that need to be solved.

The way to the church is as silent as expected and from the distance, there's only one face that House recognizes. It's Arthur Jackson who talks to some other people in front of the church. When they get out of the car, he realizes that the sky isn't that gray any more. Most of the clouds are gone and there are even a few rays of sunlight every now and then. A light breeze touches his face and he walks around the car to walk beside Laurie.

"You don't have to-" she begins and looks at him.

"This question isn't necessary," House answers. "If I wanted to leave you alone with this, I would've stayed in Princeton," he says and notices that she seems to be nervous. She bits her lip and avoids to look him in the eyes.

"But what about Lisa?" she needs something to talk about, something else, because she wants to distract herself from the things that happen around her and Lisa was the first thing that came to her mind.

"This is not about Lisa," House says calmly. She sighs without replying to this. "You don't have to go in there," he says and stops walking. She turns around, an irritated look on her face. "You don't have to go in there if you don't want to, no one forces you to do so."

"You can't be serious."

"I am," he says and tries to sound as serious as possible and at the same time, he makes a mental note that this is probably the wrong way.

"I have to go."

"Because they expect you to do so? You can go there later on your own, when no one's there," he says, a little desperate to save this situation.

"It's okay," she says not that testy any more. "Thank you, but I think we should go now," she says and he nods. They walk toward the church and Arthur Jackson nods silently when they walk by.

***  
Actually Stacy is already in a rush, but she decided that it's better to leave James a message before she makes it official. It would only be fair.

But was it fair to let that woman die? Probably not.

And what should she say?

"Excuse me James, but I'll have to tell the police what you did. I'm sorry, but you may be arrested soon."

Not good, she thinks.

What if he runs away when she tells him this? She can't imagine this, but despite that she also never imagined that he could be capable of killing a woman.

She dials his number while she takes her jacket on. Thank God, it's just the AM.

"It's Stacy," she says a little insecure. "I just wanted to let you know that I had to take a decision," she says and drops the connection.

"Let's go baby," she says and leaves the house with her daughter.

***  
As soon as she sat down in church, she went somewhere else. Far away to a world she could understand and where nothing made her angry and everything was just alright.

She still sits in the front row with Greg to her left side and Myriam Delaney to her right one. During her troubled years, she'd always been the strong one, had always been the one who gave comfort whenever she needed it. Although she dreams herself away, she can't be that emotionless.

She grabs Myriams hand and she squeezes it gently without looking at her.

Minute for minute passes by and during each one, she prays that it'll be over. It nearly seems to kill her. All the crying people, the memories and the huge pain inside her chest makes this situation more cruel than it already is.

She watches Harrison Delaney with a certain impression.

Laurie always loved him for his strength and the ability to be very soft at the same time. His appearance has something impressionable and his presence always caused a light feeling of safety inside of her. Even today, when he talks about old memories and the loss of his only son, he seems to be strong.

There's also a trace of sadness in his voice and he looks tired. But he's still the impressionable man she got to know a couple of years ago.

From time to time, she notices Greg watching her from the corner of his eye. It's hardly impossible to say how grateful she is about the fact that he is here though they hardly spoke the last days.

The church service slowly starts to end and Laurie stands up automatically when everyone gets up. Subconsciously, her heart starts to beat faster inside her chest and she tries her best to avoid any eye contact. She doesn't want to see their faces. Actually she wants to be alone, but she knows it's impossible for now.

Feeling completely paralysed, she follows the others out of church. His parents walk ahead and Greg to her right side this time.

There's a chilling breeze when she steps out but the sun returns.

She walks along the path deliberately slow, taking in any detail on her way. Actually, it could be such a wonderful day. The dark clouds are gone, warm rays of the sun caress her face and a light wind makes the leaves rustling silently. Why did she never notice that beautiful huge oak?

If only he could be here.

***  
He knew it might've been better not to pick up the phone or check the AM in the morning,

Stacy left a message that disturbed him. He always thought that he'd feel better once he knows what's going on, but he was obviously wrong.

This makes him worrying even more. What did he expect? That she'll be fine with it for the rest of her life and keep it for herself? Maybe a part of him did so, but that's not how it works.

She said she had to make a decision. But she doesn't say what she did and he doesn't like the sound of her voice. Despite the fact that she seemed to be in a hurry or at least stressed, she had this serious determination in her voice.

All he can do is wait. Until she calls again or something happens. The imagination of what might happen is as worse as the thing he did two years ago.

Maybe House won't notice anything. Wilson isn't sure how long he'll be gone, but he doesn't give up the hope that it might be solved earlier.

***  
Stacy puts the phone down and sighs. She lays her face in her hands and takes a deep breath. She thought she would feel better in the end, but right now it absolutely doesn't. She knows that she made the right choice, She had to, because she had to think of her daughter who needs her.

She feels miserable, because he'd been a friend for so many years, no matter what he did. He'd been a friend.

Stacy talked to the police chief whom she already met in court a few times.

He promised to call back as soon as he got some information.

***  
The moment she stands in front of his grave, she feels strong. She never thought she would have as much strength as she has right now. She can't explain this and she doesn't want to. When she throws a handful of earth onto the coffin, she's far away again. Somewhere they'd been together. A nice place where everything is alright.

She watches anyone else saying goodbye and there's not the slightest trace of an emotion inside of her at this time. She needed to talk to him and she knows that this is impossible when she allows her emotions to crawl out now.

Half an hour later, the graveyard starts to empty but she remains in front of it. Most of them will go to Myriam's and Harrison's house. When Myriam hold her hand in church, she knew she would go there too. Anything else is out of question.

"I'll wait in front of the church," he says calmly and looks at her. Without thinking about it, he closes her in his arms. She can't say how much she appreciates this and she almost forgot how soothing a simple hug could be.

"Yes, thank you," she says and he turns around to leave. She approaches to the grave, feeling weird, despite anything else that she feels under the surface.

All of sudden, it seems so surreal.

"Where are you?" she whispers and lets a few seconds pass by even though she expects an answer. Her eyes are fixed on the huge oak at the other side of the graveyard where she walked by a couple of minutes earlier.

"Where are you?" she whispers again and after a few more seconds, that feel like an eternity, she opens her yes. Closing them didn't help at all.

"I'm waiting for you," she says and with one last look at the wonderful flowers, she turns around and starts to leave.

***  
The whole morning, Stacy thought about calling him again, but something that she can't define, stops her.

Somehow it's not her case any more. Well, it'd never been hers, but she has a quite important role in this. She passed this to the responsible people and until now, she's nothing more but a witness. She won't take care of it, because of the fact that she knows him for many years and so on.

She thought she'd feel better, but somehow she really doesn't.

Something that bothers her even more is that she'll only be better once it's really over which will probably take a while.

And thinking about Wilson, she has to think about his best friend too. Does he know what happened?

***  
Around noon, Cuddy sits in the cafeteria to have something to eat. House didn't call until now, so maybe she should? What if something happened?

She pushes this thought away as fast as it came. She tells herself to call him later and tries to figure out how to solve the problem of her lack of neurosurgeons. She can't afford to wait too long. She might start some job interviews to find someone who's capable of doing this job properly. With this thought in her mind, she leaves the cafeteria.

***  
"You're ready?" he asks and suddenly it feels like a déjà-vu to her.

"Yes," she says and gets into the car to meet the others at her best friends house.

It's going to be a long day, she thinks and leans back with closed eyes.


	17. A place called home

Chapter seventeen -

Their way to the Delaney's house was quite and silent. Greg followed someone who told him to do so before.

She stands on the long path that leads up to the front door and watches it. She walked through that door many times before. It was her home too and she always knew that someone would be waiting for her behind it.

It's almost the same, but something is different. For her, it's hard to bare all the sadness and all the crying people. She hates them for doing that. Laurie takes one last breath before she takes the lasts steps of the path.

For a slight moment she thinks about everything Lisa told her about Greg only a few days ago, when she watches him talking to Harrison. He seems so... so different although she never got to know him in another way.

She tells herself that he'll get along on his own and starts to walk through the house, taking in every detail deliberately. She becomes selective, soaking in all the nice things in the house, but not the emotions people are spreading.

Laurie walks past the kitchen when she sees Myriam in there alone. She's working in something to eat. Something Laurie can't define from the distance. She looks totally confident.

She walks in slowly and Myriam looks up.

"Hello dear," she says softly.

"Hey," Laurie answers calmly and approaches.

"You want something to eat?"

"No, thank you."

"You ate anything today?", she wants to know and puts the spoon, which she hold in her hand, aside and walks around the counter.

"I'm fine, really."

"That's not what I asked," Myriam says.

"I should be the one asking you things like this," Laurie begins.

"No, no," Myriam says and shakes her head. "Have something to eat now," say a bit more demanding and pushes her out of the kitchen.

When Myriam is out of sight, she sneaks away and starts to walk upstairs.

***  
It's only 10am and Cuddy already went to the cafeteria because she was nervous and needed something to do.

She sits in her office again and thinks, but somehow she thinks too much the last days. It may be better to do something more reasonable she tells herself. There are patients to see and donors to call. She leaves her office and enters the Emergency Room.

It almost seems like she's looking for something to do since House is not here, which is ridiculous, because she's the Dean and there's always something to do, but again, this shows her how much she needs him in a special way. It also might appear a little sad.

***

"Good morning chief," Stacy says when she accepts the call on her mobile. She pushes Bailey forward in front of her, in her pram. It's her day off, but she promised to get-at-able for the case that something happens.

"Sorry Ms Keating," he says. "But I got some information. It's not much but at least a beginning."

"It's okay," she answers and walks past the vegetables. "What'd you got?"

"All I found out is that the accident happened in New Jersey," he explains. "You want any details?"

"Not today and not via phone."

"Sure."

"Anything else?"

"She's got a daughter," the Chief tells her and waits for a reaction.

"Any details about her?" Stacy wants to know.

"Not now, but you might come in this week and I'll tell you everything."

"That would be fine," she agrees."Is the day after tomorrow good? I've to be in court anyways so I could drop by then."

"Sure, I'll be around all day."

"See you."  
"Bye," Stacy says and puts the phone back into her bag.

***

"So, just must be her dad," Myriam asks and approaches.

"Yes," House says and turns around. "I'm sorry Mrs De-"

"Myriam," she offers.

"Greg, " he says and at the same time, he admires the woman for her strength.

"I'm sorry Myriam," he says.

"I appreciate this," she answers, her voice calm. For a short moment, both of them stare out of the window in thoughtful silence.

"I heard your son was a nice guy," he says and breaks the silence and decides to take the risk.

"Thank you very much," she answers and looks at him, a tired smile on her face. "I heard you got a nice daughter too."

"Yes, thank you," House answers, a smile on his face. "You're a women's man, aren't you?"

"Just wanted to be comforting."

"Somehow, I think there's no need to be sad anymore," she starts, her voice more serious again. For some reason, House got the impression that she gave this a lot of thought the last days. "He was a happy man. He had a wonderful family and he fulfilled his biggest dream. Since he was in kindergarten, he wanted to be a doctor. He got everything he wanted," she hesitates a moment before she goes on. "And he loved with all his heart."

Suddenly, there's a heavy feeling inside his chest. With a low voice, he asks:"Did he love her?" Myriam nods in response. "Does she know it?"

"I don't know for sure. I don't know if he ever told her so," she explains and House seems speechless for an instant. Two parents talking about their child's problems. He never imagined this could happen one day and at a different time, another place and other circumstances, he might've laughed at this.

"I think he was afraid to loose her if he tells her the truth," she says and he's still quiet.

"Do you love?" she asks without thinking about it further.

"Yes," he answers and they go back to a few more moments of silence.

She opens the door to his bedroom and walks in, the sunlight shines brightly onto her bed. She walks to the bed and sits down. The sheets are messed up and she leans back into the soft pillows. How many times did she do that without giving it much thoughts? Sometimes, when they finished their night shift together, they came here, because it's closer then her apartment.

How many times did she fell asleep in that bad?

She takes a deep breath and inhales the scent of his room, the one that is so familiar.

Sometimes, she mocked him because he still lived with his parents, but with thinking about it twice, she understands it.

With parents like his, she would've done the same. It's not that she doesn't love her mother, but Myriam and Harrison are very important, warm-hearted and special people to her.

She remains laying on the bed, dreaming herself away again.

***

He walks onto the porch when his phone rings. It's Lisa.

"It's me," she says when he answers her call. "Just want to hear how you're doing."

"Hey Liz," he answers. "I think I'm okay."

"You think?"

"I'm attending a funeral."

"Sorry, you're right," she says. "What about her?"

"We didn't talk much to be honest," he tells her. "But I think she gets used to it slowly."

"It takes some time," she says.

"Yes."

"You know when you'll be home?" she wants to know.

"The trial will start the day after tomorrow so I think I'll be back in three or four days," he tells her.

In the late afternoon Laurie stands in front of the house and kisses Myriam good bye.

"Just come when you need anything," she says and hugs her.

"Yeah, thank you."

They stand at the end of the little path that leads down to the road and they watch Greg and Harrison coming out of the house.

They said good bye to each other and approach to the women.

"And you," Myriam says to Greg. "You take good care of her, won't you?" she asks and the threatening undertone in her voice leaves him without any chance but answering with "Yes."

"It was nice to meet you," she says, friendlier this time.

"It was also nice to meet you," he answers and they get into the car.

The silence returned but this time, it isn't that oppressive anymore.


	18. Weep not for the moment

Chapter 18 – Weep not for the moment

The day of the trial is sunny and Laurie stands in front of the window.

It's finally time to face it. She won't attend the trial as a witness, but she'll sit in the audience and watch it all. She doesn't think about being strong or not. She just tells herself to go and see what happens. She won't be alone. Greg will join her. Just like Myriam and Harrison and Dr. Jackson. She sips her coffee in silence. She doesn't know the attorney who will represent the trial but she hopes that she'll be good.

She keeps on staring out of the window, not expecting that there will be changes again.

***

After taking Bailey to the kindergarten, Stacy stops at the diner to have something to eat. She wasn't hungry in the morning and now she realized that she has plenty of time left before the trial starts. She tries to repeat the expiry in her mind, because everything has to be perfect. She promised Etienne to get her the important information for the trial. Etienne Messing is the attorney and one of the first people Stacy met when she came to San Francisco and since then, they're friends.

She doesn't know when the major trial will take place, that depends on the judge's appointments. The first one will only be there to read the accusation, explain the rights and get a date for the major trial.

Yesterday afternoon, she talked to Chief Garner to get some further information about the killer and she found out that he worked in a police station in town.

She puts her coffee aside and takes one of the pages that she printed out. They need to beat him with his own weapons. They need to find the real bad things, although this is not too complicated because he killed people.

The worst things is probably the fact that he's a cop. That changes a lot of things, Stacy things without expecting the changes that will affect her life soon.

***

"I should kill him," Laurie says when she enters the courthouse with her father.

"You don't" he simply answers.

"He deserves that."

"And you don't deserve to be imprisoned for that," he tells her and she remains silent. He's probably right. This won't help her. Or anyone else nor will it make things undone.

At the other side of the entrance hall, she sees Dr. Jackson who's talking to Harrison and Myriam. They approach and Myriam is the only one who gives her a hug. And probably the only one who's allowed to do that.

"We better go inside," Harrison says although the trail will begin in thirty minutes but no one says a word and they enter the courtroom.

And only a few moments later, Stacy enters the courthouse, lost in thoughts. Only a few months before, she thought she would never work as an attorney at law in a court again.

_A year ago, when Stacy entered her home in Short Hills in New Jersey, she felt more frustrated than ever. _

_Her marriage with Marc had been like hell for her the last time and she felt trapped. She felt like their living next to each other instead of living together. The conversations became short and the topics more random. And unwillingly she started to shut him out of her life._

_When they talked to each other, they fought and Stacy was tired of it. It was hard to remember when they slept with each other the last time, but what she knew is that she was always far away. More than once, she thought about Gregory. Especially when she felt extremely lonely._

_For months, she fought a hard battle with herself after he regretted her, but she was strong enough to get through it._

_At that afternoon, she opened the front door and suddenly realized that it should've been a sign long ago._

_Greg always had reasons for the way he acts and even during this heartbreaking moment, in which he told her ho couldn't make her happy, she knew he had a reason. He moved on and maybe it's her time to do the same._

_When she graduated from university, she had a dream. She wanted to work as an attorney at law. And she did so._

_She was a great one and she enjoyed her reputation and the work in the courtrooms._

_But when she met Marc, everything changed. They moved to Short Hills and lived in a sweet house with a garden and everything looked so perfect that it could've been taken from a book of suburban fairy tales. _

_She changed from courts into an office, especially when Marc got sick, she felt like she had no other chance._

_The first time, she enjoyed her calm days and the whole world around her, but after a few years, it became quiet and her whole life seemed to pass by without her._

_She was tired of the monotone work and the same faces every day. She felt frustrated, but Marc didn't realize her misery. He was too occupied with his own life._

_When she went to Princeton for a while, she felt alive. She felt free and started to enjoy the whole in which she felt better. This was the life she was used to, the one she actually belonged to._

_Her husband knew that there happened something between his wife and her ex although she never said a word. But with the time passing by, she felt that she didn't care if he knows it. What would it change?_

_Stacy stared out of the window, tears flooded her eyes._

_She was afraid and time was running. She thought about leaving Marc months before, but she never did it._

_Although she felt sad about, she knew that the only reason for staying with Marc is the fact that he is sick. _

_She did that once. She went through all of this before and she didn't know if she would be able to get through it again. Her heart was broken once and she isn't sure whether it'll ever recover._

_She knew she can't do that again._

_Despite that, there was more. Things which Stacy missed. _

_With Greg, she's been sure that they didn't want children. It was a decision they both took and the circumstances were different ones. Marc knew that and he never asked. _

_It was never a big deal between them and Stacy was the one who tried to talk about it a few times, but he didn't listen._

_Living in such a small town changed everything. _

_On her way home, she watched all the women with their children. She heard the laughter and they looked happy. In contrast to her and her house would be silent when she comes home. At the beginning, she pushed it away. But with the time, she admitted that she wants a child. And she knew she can't have that with Marc._

_She knew that a child isn't a solution to her problem and that wasn't her purpose but she knew it would be a beginning. A step into the right direction._

_She was about to wash the dishes when she changed her mind. She went into her room and started to pack her things. She didn't know what consequences this would have, but she knew it's her only chance. The very last one to break free._

_Since months, she thought about San Francisco and she decided to go there. Far away from everything that happened at the east coast._

_She waited for Marc to come home with her bags in front of her feet. She felt nervous while she waited for the sound of keys. She looked up when he entered the house and didn't know what was going on._

"_I can't do that anymore, I have to go," she said after a long discussion in which he tried to persuade her to stay, but she took her decision. He looked shocked, but something told her he knew it was going to happen._

_She left the same evening._

_Months later, she got a job in the San Francisco Memorial Hospital as a constitutional lawyer. She wanted something different, but doing this job in a bit city is always a different thing. It's different than working in a calm suburban office and it's only a part-time job._

_She wanted to go back to the court._

_She wanted to feel it again, only once. The feeling of being strong, the astonishing feeling of winning a big case. Only once if only with attending a trial and not leading it._

_And there she is._

„Stacy?" she hears someone asking and turns around to face the Elin.

"Oh, Sorry," she says and gives her a short smile, because she was lost in her thoughts.

"You're ready?" she asks and they start to walk through the hall.

"I hope so," she answers and smiles. She can't deny the fact that she feels nervous. "I hope it won't take too much time," she says. "We better go in too."

"I hate that idiot," Stacy says and Elin knows that she's talking about McLead.

"Too arrogant," she says and laughs.

***

He hears people whisperings around him, but he isn't in the mood to turn around a see if there's something interesting going on. Despite the fact that the whole thing is important. Although this trial isn't a big thing, because the major one will take place in a couple of months probably, there are a lot of people in the court room.

At the right side of the room, in front of the audience, a lawyer is already waiting with him sitting on the chair next to him. House doesn't know his name. Laurie keeps on staring at the back of his head.

From the back of the room, he hears a door being opened and as soon as he sees the attorney walking in. There's a woman who follows him and as soon as she sees her, his heart stops beating.

His former girlfriend just entered the courtroom, looking more beautiful than ever, with a serious determination written on her face. Before he realizes that he saw her, she walks past him and puts a sheet on the table on the left side. He stares at her back for a few more seconds and tries to clear his mind.

He thought he would never see her again and right now, he doesn't know whether to be happy about this or not.

It surprised him, because he didn't expect her to be here. According to the last time they talked to each other, Stacy went back to Short Hills with her husband.

He watches the other Lawyer approaching to Stacy and she looks up from the paper in front of her.

"Going to plead not guilty, won't you?" she says with a mocking smile on her face and the attorney next to her smiles.

"Look who's back again," he says with a smuggy smile on his face.

"Good luck," Stacy says. "You're going to need it," she says and goes on with reading the paper. She hears him laugh when he goes back to the other side.

Before he could think of anything else, the door behind the judge's seat is opened. A man, dressed in an official uniform, steps in front of the audience and starts to speak.

"All rise," he says with a loud voice and everyone gets up. "Ladies and Gentleman for his Honor, Judge Robert Dearing."

The Judge enters the courtroom with fast steps and sits down on his chair "Sit," he simply says and everyone in the courtroom takes seat again.

"The State California against Alexander Daniel Lang," the Judge starts to read from the red file in his hands. "Case number 1703. Please step Forward Mr. Lang," the judge orders him and the police officer, who stands beside him, takes off the handcuffs.

He steps in front of the judge's chair with his lawyer Neill McLead and Stacy watches them with Elin Messing, the attorney, not wanting to miss any detail. She always hated him. Since she met him for the very first time, she hates his arrogant manners.

"Are you Alexander Daniel Lang?" the judge starts.

"Yes."

"Is Mr. Neill McLead your lawyer?"

"Yes."

"Mr. Lang, I'm holding a copy of your indictment, returned to me by the grand jury of California, did you get a copy of it?"

"Yes."

"Did you read it?"

"Yes."

While Lang answers the judge's questions in a very bored way, House keeps on watching Stacy, because her sudden appearance totally messed him up. Until now, Laurie didn't notice his special interest in the attorney in the front.

"Did you discuss it with your lawyer?"

"Yes."

"Did you understand the charges against you?"  
"Yes."

"Well, the law obliges me to read your accusation out loud," he says and clears his throat. "The Jury of California, existentially of twelve properly chosen citizens of the State of California who were swore in and instructed with investigate in the county in the named incident. If necessary, they're entitled to raise accusation against Alexander Daniel Lang, lays the following burden: He shot the citizens John Delaney, human being; Harriet Baker, human being; Frieda Sanstrom, human being intentionally and maliciously and seriously hurt Darleen Sanson, human being and George Sanson, human being. With that, he offended against the valid law and the respect of the State of California. It occurs the official accusation elevation. Signed by Eli Tripleton, chairperson of the Grand Jury."

Dearing pauses a few seconds.

"Do you understand the accusation?"

"Yes," Alexander Daniel answers and Laurie still stares at him without the slightest trace of an emotion. He wasn't worth it.

"Are you aware of the fact, that for the case of a conviction, you could be executed with a lethal injection in the San Quentin State Prison?"

"Yes."

"How do you wish to plea?" the judge asks and he looks at his lawyer. Stacy also watches him and waits for an answer.

"Not guilty," Lang says and Elin laughs ironically and looks at Stacy who shakes her head. There's a whisper that goes through the audience.

McLead starts to speak:"We intend to plead of not guilty by reason of insanity, you honor," he says. That so sounds like him.

"Anything further?" the judge asks and Elin raises from her seat.

"Yes, your honor," she starts to speak loud and clear. "In response to the insanity plea I would require an examination by our doctors," she says.

"Granted," the judge says. "Anything further?" he wants to know again.

"Yes, Your Honor," McLead says. "We want a bail," he says, pretty sure of himself. The judge raises and eyebrow at him, because he disapproves the tone in his voice and Stacy looks at Elin who smiles. The judge starts to be angry because of him.

This is going to be a longer discussion Stacy thinks and in response to that, her mobile rings. She whispers something to Elin and leaves the courtroom. As soon as she closes the door, she realized who she just saw in the audience. The call is from the Chief and she decides to let him wait a moment.

She walks through the floor with slow steps.  
This just can't be true, she thinks. She thought she would never see him again and the fact that he seems to be there disturbs her completely. She closes her eyes and takes a few deep breaths. She can't decide whether to be happy about it or not. The last two times ended with more than one broken heart.

Why does he attend the trial? And why the hell is he in San Francisco? Her feelings are messed up, because she's so shocked. She expected everything but not this. She switches her mobile off and approaches to the door of the courtroom when she sees him standing at the other side of the hall.

She didn't her the door being opened and for a slight moment the time seems to stand still and Stacy wants to cry. She went so far away and still, he's there. She always thought she's finally over him, but why does it disturb her so much?

They slowly approach, the look on his face as surprised as hers and with every step he takes, the shock seems to fade.

She looks at him with a smile on his face that seems to be a little melancholy.

"I never thought I would see you again," he says, his voice calm.

"Me neither," she answers and they look at each other in silence for a few moments.

"That's the second time," she states.

"Second time?"

"Yes, the second we meet after I thought that it was the very last time I will see you," she whispers.

"Maybe we just can't get rid of each other," he says and she smiles without looking at him.

"I have to go back in there," she says and points at the door. For an instant, he considers to hold her back, because a part of him is afraid to looser her again.

"Yes," he answers and follows her through the door.

"I never grant bails for cases like this," the judge goes on. "And I don't know why this one should be different," the judge says and the smile on Elin's face tells Stacy that she got what wanted.

"The bail is denied," Dearing says and turns his attention to Mr. Lang. "Mr. Lang, you're in order to remain in custody until June 23rd," the judge and end the trial with a "dismissed."

"So, I have three months to do some thorough investigations, " Elin says and faces Stacy. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," Stacy answers with an absent voice and dials the chief's number. "Sorry, I'll talk to you later," she says and leaves the courtroom.

"Sorry chief," Stacy says. "I couldn't answer the phone in court, " she tells him although it's a lie.

"No problem," he says. "I got a name for you," he tells her. "The daughters name."

"What's it?" she wants to know impatiently.

"Her last name is House. Laurie House," he says and Stacy thinks that this just can't be true. It can only be an unfortunate accident.

"Thank you," she says and drops the connection.

***

"I'll be home in two days," he says relieved.

"That's the most wonderful sentences I've heard the last days," she tells him.

"So bad?"

"Had been better," she answers. "How was the trial?" she asks and for a moment he considers mentioning Stacy but decides against it.

"They just handled the usual things," he tells her. "The trial is set for June 23rd, nothing special," he says-

"I can't wait to have you back," she says. "It's too quiet over here," he laughs because he knows that this is not the only reason.

"Me too."

"Who was that woman?" Laurie wants to know when she approaches. "You returned with her."

"Stacy," he answers.

"Stacy?" she asks because she remembers her name, but decides to drop it.

"She's an old friend."

"You want me to wait?"

"No, thanks. I like to talk to her, I'll see you later."

"Okay, bye."

She leaves the courthouse and Stacy approaches.

"Who was that?"

"Why so curious?" he asks with a smile. "Long story."

"You're free for coffee?" she wants to know.

"Sure," he answers and they leave the courthouse together.


	19. Growing up

_I'm quite generous at the moment :)_

Chapter 19 – Growing up

They decided to go to a coffee bar that's close to the courthouse and due to the fact that Stacy lives here and knows the city better than he does, he just follows her.

When they sit in front of each other, Stacy refuses to look at him. She plays with her spoon or watches her fingers and he doesn't look at her either. After a few moments, Stacy starts to laugh.

"Okay, this is embarrassing," she says and laughs. "We're not on our first date or something like that."

"No, we're not," he says and smiles relieved. "I never thought I would says that, but it's nice to see you," he say, his voice soft, looking at her this time.

"It's also nice to see you Greg."

"What are you doing here?" he wants to know.

"I could ask you the same," she throws in.

"I thought you went back to Short Hills with him," he says and looks at her.

"Yes," she answers in a low voice and he understands that he better not asks and he realizes that she doesn't wear a wedding ring.

"I'm sorry," he says.

"It's not your fault, but thanks."

"It wasn't?" he wants to know.

"No," she says and smiles. "So, why are you here?"

"You're changing the topic," Greg says.

"Maybe," Stacy answers. "Why was that young woman? Don't you think she's a bit too young for you?" she says in a mocking tone and he smiles.

"She's not my girlfriends," he says. "She is..." he starts and tries to find the right words.

"Yes?" Stacy says and leans her head on one hand.

He looks down at his hands and than back at Stacy.

"She's my daughter," he says and couldn't help but smile at the look on her face. He doesn't fell very comfortable with talking about it, because it went really bad the last time. And he lied to her too. They were a couple for five years and he never told her so.

"Your daughter?" she asks and sits upright again.

"I'm sorry," he says without looking at her.

"What for?" she wants to know, her voice is very soft and understandable in some way.

"For not telling you;" he says and faces her. "I could've tell you that when we were..." he begins.

"I understand," she says, but she doesn't sound angry or hurt.

"You're not mad at me?" he asks.

"Would it change anything?" she wants to know. "It's so long ago, what would it change?"

"Thank you."

"Not for that," she says and sips her coffee, a smile on her lips.

"Why are you smiling like that? I know that smile."

"We both never wanted children," she starts to explain and he watches her, trying to figure out what she's about to say.

"I'm a mum," she says and they look at each other. "I have a little girl. Her name is Bailey," she says and her eyes start to glow when she talks about her.

"I remember you as a woman who never wanted children," he says. "But I'm happy for you."

"Thank you," she says.

There's a moment of thoughtful silence and Stacy is the first one to break it.

"I came here a few months ago," she begins and he listens to her. "Because I felt like I needed a change. I thought I would be lucky when I return to Short Hills, but after a while, I realized that I wasn't. I felt trapped," she says in a silent voice and faces him even though he expects something.

"Trapped? Where?"

"It was just everything. That little town, the people my... my marriage," she finishes.

"You've never been a woman who would life like that," he says. He still knows her too good.

"But I thought it would be okay after a few years."

"Things change," he says and she looks at him again.

"I left him and came here," she finishes. "That's all."

"I hope it wasn't that bad," he says.

"I had to get used to it," Stacy answers. "But I feel better now."

"That's nice to hear," he answers,

"You're serious?"

"Yes, I am."

"What happened to us Greg?" she asks and their eyes lock. She looks into his icy blue eyes and he lays his warm hand on hers. She enjoys the feeling of his touch.

"We grew up Stacy," he says in a low voice.

"Yes," she whispers and there's another moment of deliberate silence. She watches his hand on her own and for a slight moment, there's this heavy feeling inside her chest.

"You didn't tell me why you're here," she says.

"You're right."

He sips his coffee and started to explain how he met his daughter after a very long time, but he didn't tell her about his problems with Lisa.

"She works in the San Francisco Memorial Hospital," he says and from that second on, the pieces in Stacy's mind start to put itself together.

"I came back with her because he best friend was shot," he says and the look on her face changes from interest to disbelieve.

"What happened to her mother?" she asks and at the same moment she isn't sure whether she wants to hear it and honestly, she already knows the answer.

"She died in a car accident two years ago," he says. "They never found the one who caused the accident."

Stacy avoids his gaze and bits her lip.

"Her name is Laurie, isn't it?" she asks and still tries to avoid to look at him.

He knows Stacy too good to know that something is wrong and he also knows that she feels quite uncomfortable with that.

"Yes," he answers. "How do you know that?" he didn't tell her the name of his daughter before. "Stacy what's going on?"

"Greg, I can't..." she says, struggling with herself. She shakes her head and tries do find some more words. "I don't know..."

He really wants to know what's going on, but he couldn't help but feel sorry for her, because this seems to be really hard for her. Whatever it is.

"Stacy?" he asks again.

"Greg, please," she sighs and looks at him. Her eyes are filled with sadness. James is their friend since ages and no one every imagined he could do something like this and now it's her part to tell her what happened. To tell him that his best friend killed his daughters mother?! This feels more than wrong, but she knows that it's too late to take it back and they have a right to know what happened. They would find out about it sooner or later so she wants to be the one who tells him the truth.

"I know who did it," she says, almost whispering.

"Did what?"

"The accident," she answers and takes a deep breath.

She breaks the eye contact and looks at her hands that lay on the table. She didn't realize that his hand still lays on hers.

"It was James," she answers and waits for a reaction. Due to the fact that she knows him, she expects him to do something, but he doesn't. He faces her with an indescribable look on his face.

"How do you wanna know it?" he asks, his voice sounds stronger this time.

Stacy still seems to be very shaken and sad about the whole situation.

"He called me a week ago," she begins to explain. "It was late and a couple of days ago he left a message and I thought he sounded different. And suddenly he told me what happened."

"He told you that with knowing you're a lawyer?"

"Yes. I think I was the only one he considered telling this. He knew I moved to San Francisco and he probably thought that no one would find out anything about it. I think he was desperate when Laurie showed up in Princeton," she explains and looks at him.

"Thanks for telling me that," he fells a bit irritated, not sure what to feel about it because the first shock still lasts.

"I'm sorry," she says.

"No, you don't really have to be," he tells her.

"But why do I feel so bad about it?"

"Because you care. Listen, it's not your fault."

She looks at him and for a second she thinks to have tears in her eyes. She almost waited ten years to hear that sentences.

"Thank you," she answers and they both feel that something is finally solved between them

A couple of minutes later, they walk along the Marina.

"What are you going to do?" she wants to know and enjoys the wind on her face, the silent sound of the ocean.

"I couldn't keep it a secret. If someone will find out that I knew it, I would get in trouble and I can't risk to loose Bailey."

"I understand that."

"I explained everything to the Chief. It's not my case. I'll only be a witness."

"Where will it take place?" he wants to know.

"The trial? As far as I know, he hasn't even been arrested. But it'll probably take place in New Jersey, because it happened there," she says.

"What are you going to do?" she asks him.

"I don't know to be honest," he answers and turns his head to look at her.

"Do you think we can finally manage to get along with each other in a normal way?"

"I'd like that," he answers and lets a few more minutes pass by before he starts to speak again. "I don't know what to think about it," he starts. "I don't know how to react when I see him the next time."

"Yeah," she answers. "I think I don't know that either."

They wanted to say goodbye to each other hours ago, but somehow they seem to have to tell each other a lot of things and it feels so good and so he ended up in her house with a little baby sleeping on his arms.

Stacy enters the kitchen and laughs.

"Looks good," she says with a smile.

"I'm not sure," he answers and Stacy takes the baby from his arms.

"Would you promise me something?" she asks when he stands on her doorstep an hour later.

When he looks at her. She says."Don't do anything stupid. I'm serious, you know what I'm talking about."

"Yes."

"Your daughter needs you," she reminds him.

"I promise," he answers, leans forward to give her a kiss on her cheek, "Good bye," he says with a silent voice and turns around to leave but she calls him back.

"Greg?" she asks in a soft voice and leans against the door frame. "Am I going to see you again?"

"I hope so," he says and leaves.


	20. Walking on thin ice

Chapter 20 – Walking on thin ice

He takes his time on his way to Laurie's house, because he needs time to think. It's still impossible to say what he feels. A part of him is happy and another one is sad. Sad because he isn't sure if he'll see her again.

A small part is amazed because of the changes that happened. After all these years, he was happy to see her. He didn't think about the past the way he did when he met Stacy before. He isn't angry or anything else, he doesn't regret every part of her past. He was happy to see her as a friend. Someone to talk to. Someone he lost a long time ago.

After a while, he started to realize that he misses something. It feels like he does, but he can't define it. He tries to figure this out while he's on the way to her house, but he couldn't.

***

As soon as he left, she felt confused. She remained in the door frame until he was out of sight. She was grateful that he didn't turn around. Otherwise it would've been more difficult to let him go.

There are a few seconds in which she asks herself whether it really happened. Five years passed by and she never thought she would see him again. But for some reason, live brought them together again.

He changed in many ways. He seems to be softer and not that angry with himself any longer. They're both parents now. Something that none of them ever wanted. Only two years ago, she always said that she doesn't want children and so did he when they were still together.

She can't be angry with him, because he never told her that he's a father. It happened long ago and it wouldn't change anything. She doesn't feel angry but a part of her can't stop asking why.

Why did he never say a word? Didn't he trust her enough?

From the first moment, when she saw him in the audience in the courtroom, she knew that there's something different about him.

When she came to the hospital five years ago, he was angry, she really knew he way. But this time?

It was different.

He learned to love. Learned to accept his feelings and is willing to give that love to others step by step.

The love that he refused to give her during their relationship.

She doesn't know if she'll ever see him again, but she'd love it. She will be in Princeton in summer. Maybe that'll be another chance.

***

As soon as he opens the door, she watches him. Expecting something. She remembered what Lisa told her about Stacy and she was stunned because of the beautiful woman she saw in the courthouse.

But she's curious, because she remembered the end of their relationship. She only knows that they broke up because of his disease and some following consequences that affected both their lives and relationship.

"I'm curious," she says when he enters the living room.

"I see," he answers and sits down in the armchair in front of her.

"Want to tell me something?" she asks with a smile.

"Why should I?" he answers and leans back.

"I'm your daughter," she says and he laughs.

"Is that a true reason?"

"I think it is," Laurie answers and he remains silent.

"It was Stacy," he begins to tell her and she's surprised that it works. "She's my former girlfriend," he says and he notices the slight trace of bitterness in his voice.

"You knew you would see her here?" Laurie wants to know.

"Hell no," he answers. "I didn't even know she lives here."

"Is that why you left during the trial?"

"I just felt like I should talk to her, see her only once. I really don't know," he tries to explain.

"When did you see her the last time?"

"Five years ago. And I never expected that I would see her again," he says.

"But you wanted to talk to her," Laurie says and he knows that it isn't a question.

"Yes. But I can't tell you why," he tells her and at the same time, he asks himself if this is true. "Five years ago, I thought I never want to see her again."

"And now?"

"I think I would miss her if I won't see her again."

"What's she like?" Laurie asks after a few seconds of silence.

"She's a gentle person. She's soft in a very nice way and she always knew how to keep me under control," Laurie laughs. "We fit each other very well in many ways."

"Maybe you fit too much," Laurie throws in.

"Maybe," he answers.

***  
He wakes up pretty early in the morning and is surprised to find Laurie sitting in the kitchen, reading a medical journal with a coffee in his hands.

"Good morning," she says. "Why are you awake so early?"  
"Could ask you the same."

"Couldn't sleep any longer," she answers.

"Same here," he says and realizes that she seems to sleep very less the last time.

"You're going out?" she wants to know a few minutes later.

"Yes, just a little walk," he says. "Wanna join?"

"No thanks. Not now, I'm expecting a call," she says with a smile.

"Okay, see you later," he says and leaves the room.

Stacy sits in her office and tries to read the file in front of her. Just another case she has to deal with. Despite that, there isn't much to do at the moment. She'll meet Elin later to talk about the case and chat a little, because they hadn't much time to do this the last few days.

Her thoughts are still anywhere but not where they should be. Again, her thoughts drift back to Wilson and the one who awakes more positive feelings inside of her. She still keeps on thinking about Greg.

Lost in her thoughts, she hears someone knocking on her door.

"It's open," she answers and Greg opens the door. "May I come in?"

"Sure," she says and stands up to walk around her desk. She's really surprised to see him inside her office.

"What... what are you doing here?" she asks.

"Aren't you happy to see me?" he wants to know.

"I.. yes, I am, but I didn't..." she begins and he approaches. "Greg," she whispers when she feels the warmth of his body against hers. "You know we shouldn't do this," she whispers weakly.  
"I'm sorry," he whispers and she feels his breath against her cheek. A shiver runs through her body. He lays his arms around her and pulls her into a deep, passionate kiss. She takes his face between his hands and moans softly in his mouth.

She can't even remember how long she waited for this moment, not sue how this will end. Minutes passed by before they get away from each other.

He looks into her eyes for a while without a word and then kisses her again.

***

Two hours later, Laurie's about to prepare breakfast when he enters the house.

"You're right on time," she says and looks up. "How was it outside?"

"I just went to the sea," he answers. "You need some help?"

"No thanks, just sit down, I'm almost done. The sea is amazing so early in the morning"

"Yeah."

"Did something happen?" she wants to know when she sits down at the opposite side of the table.

"No," he answers. "No, nothing actually."

"So, you'll leave tomorrow?"  
"I guess I have to," he answers. "Need to go back to work. You thing you'll be okay?"

"You've done enough for me, thank you. And I'm not entirely alone," she answers.

"That's nice to hear," he answers and they spent the rest of the time with telling each other things from their lives.


	21. Moving on

Chapter twenty-one:

"I can't believe it," she says and walks through her living room, her face in her hands.

"Stacy," Elin says, sitting on the sofa. "Stacy wait!" she orders her a little louder. "Thanks," she adds when she stops walking around and faces her, looking a bit desperate.

"Now," Elin begins, "You sit down right here and tell me everything."

She walks around the sofa and sits down in the armchair, her knees pulled tight to her body.

"I really don't know what you're talking about at all," Elin says and Stacy sighs in response. "First of all, who was that man in the courtroom?" Stacy looks up and Elin goes on. "Do you think I didn't notice that? You were really irritated when you came back. What did he do to you?"  
"Lots of things," Stacy throws in.

"And who was he?"

Stacy takes another deep breath, glad that Elin finally keeps her mouth shut.

"He's my ex-boyfriend," she begins and gets Elin's full attention.

"Now things get interesting," she throws in.

"I thought I'm crazy when I saw him sitting in the audience."

"Well that happens from time to time. We meet former lovers when we walk across the street. Wherever. So why was that so shocking?"

"I expected him to be in New Jersey, because that's where he lives," and Stacy explains."And I lived there as well if you remember that."

"Yeah right. So what's he doing here?"

"He came with his daughter," Stacy answers and tries to concentrate on not freaking out again.

"I didn't know you already have a daughter!" Elin says in an excited way.

"And I didn't say she's my daughter!"

"Oh," Elin answers and lets that sink in again. "Sorry, go on."

"Thank you," Stacy says reproachful, because Elin keeps on interrupting her. Now she knows why Elin became an attorney. She can talk for hours without even breathing. Well, it seems like that when you listen to her.

"He knew you lived here?" Elin wants to know.

"No," Stacy answers with an absent voice. "The last time I saw him Is five years ago," Stacy unwillingly remembers their last goodbye in Princeton.

"Honey, are you okay?" Elin asks with a really comforting voice and Stacy realizes that she has tears in her eyes.

"Yes, sorry," she says and wipes a tear away with the back of her hand. "I just remembered how we said goodbye to each other the last time. Five years ago, not yesterday evening."

"What happened if I may ask?" Elin is a really soft and comforting person deep inside. Something you might not expect when you meet her for the first time.

"I wanted to stay with him. Give everything up," Stacy says and goes on when Elin looks at her, a questioning look on her face. "I was married at that time."

"Oh," Elin says again. But this time, it's softer. "He refused it. Said he couldn't make me happy," she says and her voice starts to shake. Tears stream down her face.

"I don't know whether to find that romantic or stupid."

Stacy laughs ironically. It's the first time since it happened that she tells someone about it. And the first time that she realizes how much it still hurts.

"Me neither," Stacy says and goes on with talking.

**change  
**  
"Do you think you'll be fine?" he wants to know. It's the evening of his departure.

"I'm a grown up woman," she says and takes a slice of cheesecake out of the fridge. "You want some?"

"No thanks. And you know what I'm talking about."

"I'm okay. Really, I am," she tells him again. "Will you be okay?"

"Why shouldn't I?"

"That's what I'm asking you," she replies.

"Stop that!"

"What?" he wants to know.

"That! Answering my questions with another question."

"I didn't ask a question!"

"You know what I mean," she tells him.

"Do I?"

"Shut up," she says and sits down. "I'm serious," she begins. "You're acting different the last two days. What happened?"

"The last two weeks happened," he answers. "Honestly, there's nothing."

"Are you sad about leaving?" she wants to know.

"I have to work and I'll see Lisa," he says.

"Sounds good, but you didn't answer my question. Well, I am sad that you leave."

"You should be," he answers. "I'm your father."

"And that means what?" she says and he pretends to throw a pillow at her.

"I'll miss Lisa too," she says and stares at her cake.

"You can come every time you want," he tells her.

"Thanks, but for now I have to go back to work," she answers. "Sooner or later."

"I think Lisa will miss you too," he answers and decides not to call her. He'll be there late at night and he wants to surprise her.

**change**

"And I didn't see any other way," Stacy explains. "She reached the point of her marriage with Marc.

"You know that getting married to someone just to forget your former love is a stupid thing?"

"Thanks, I realized that quite a while ago," she says and takes the chocolate that Elin handles her. "And don't say 'former love' like this."

"What's he instead?"

"He was the one," she tells her and practically sees Elin melting away. "And he'll always be."

"And I thought true love already died."

"No," Stacy answers. "It didn't."

"Your life is better then any novel I've read."

"I dunno if I should appreciate this."

**change**

"You don't want me to take you to the airport?" Laurie asks when they step out of her house.

"No. I actually hate farewells, so let's make it short," he says and pulls her in a hug.

"And I will miss you," he says.

"I will miss you too," she answers and the taxi arrives.

"Bye," she says and waits outside until the taxi is out of sight.

**change  
**  
"We had sex once," Stacy tells her.

"What? When you were still married?"

"You make it sound worse then it already was!"

"Did it feel like that?"

"No," Stacy answers. "It was awesome, but that's not the point.

"That's really crazy," Elin sighs and leans back again. "But tell me more."

**change**

She walks through her lonely house and tries to get used to the silence of it. It's not that they talked a lot due to recent happenings, but it's different. She feels uncomfortable, because she needs to get used to it and to the whole new situation.

She'll go back to work in two days. She has to move on somehow. She knows that it won't be easy, but she has to go through it and go on. She knows there will be troubles and there'll always be a certain fear, but maybe it won't be that bad.

With returning to the hospital. She'll probably get the chance to talk to Stacy on her own. Lisa and Greg told her a lot of things about her and maybe it's her time to find out what kind of person she is.

**change**

Almost an hour and a half after he left her house, he sits in the plane back home. He smiles when he thinks of the question that she asked earlier. Yes, he's sad about leaving her behind. But he has to go back to work and she has to learn how to deal with it on her own.

And Lisa needs him. Just like he needs her. It would be a lie to pretend that he doesn't.  
He thinks about Stacy and whether to tell Lisa the truth or not. In some way he thinks that she deserves to know the truth. He remembers the last time when he found out about what happened between him and Stacy. But this time was different.

He doesn't feel good about hiding things from her, but he just can't manage to figure out how she'll react.

And the very last thing he needs is trouble when he comes back.

**change  
**  
"And I was so determined in the end," Stacy says. Her voice is nothing more but a whisper, because she can't hold back her emotions anymore. After all these years, it still hurts.

"He came to my office when I was about to leave. I know he didn't want me to go," she whispers and stares at her hands. "But he didn't want me to stay either."

Elin looks at her with tears in her eyes. It's been a while ago since she dared to interrupt Stacy.

"I told him that I wanted to stay with him," she says and tears stream down her face again and she needs a few seconds to speak again. "But he said I can't. I can't stay with him, because he can't make me happy," she finishes the sentences and starts to cry.

It hurt a lot deep inside and she never expected it to do so. She pushed it far away, but it's time to deal with it and move on. Finally.

"I'm sorry," Elin says after a couple of moments.

"I told him that I love him, but a part of me couldn't stop hating him," she says, her body shaking because she still sobs heavily.

For once, Elin doesn't speak. She stands up and walks around the armchair, embracing Stacy. Stacy closes her eyes and leans against her arm.

**change**

It's nighttime when he finally reaches her street.

It feels good to see a familiar area. He looks around and suddenly it feels like he's been away for months.

He looks up to her front door and feels relieved when he sees lights in her living room. He approaches and sees her sitting on the sofa, reading a book.

All of sudden, he realizes how much he missed her and all he wants to do is hold her in his arms and never let her go again.

Come what may.

**change**

After a real long time, the two women look at each other. Stacy's eyes are still red from crying, but she feels better now. She holds a cup of tea in her hands and breaks the silence between them.

"You know what? Last night I dreamed that he came to the hospital and kissed me," she says and Elin looks at her with a smile on her lips.


	22. Taking Sides

Chapter twenty-one: Taking sides

He knocks on her door and he hears her behind the door. As soon as she opens the door, he smiles. The surprised look on her face tells him that she expected him in the morning and not tonight.

"You gonna let me in?" he asks when he looks at her. She's still speechless.

Lisa steps aside and he drops his bag as soon as the door closes behind them.  
He pulls her close into a long, soft kiss. She leans into him and wraps her arm around him, thinking that she'll never let him go again.

"I missed you so much," she whispers on her way to the bedroom.

"He lays her down gently and looks into her eyes. He wipes a few hairs out of her face and kisses her again.

"I - "she begins, but he lays a finger on her lips and shakes his head with a smile on his lips.

She closes her eyes and enjoys every single touch of his soft hands and the awesome feeling that he gives her.

"I love you," she whispers in his ear while she holds him as close as possible to her naked body.

This is the only thing to say at the moment and the very last thing she manages to say.

He kisses her breathlessly and takes her face in his hands, looking in her amazing blue eyes.

"I love you too," he says and the sound of this words from his own mouth surprises him for a second.

To wake up in his arms the next morning feels like the most wonderful thing that ever happened to her.

"Hey," she says when she opens her eyes.

"Good morning," she says with a tired smile and turns around in his arms to kiss him.

"I expected you to be here this morning," she says.

"I thought so," he says. "I'm glad to be back."

"How's Laurie doing?" Lisa wants to know.

"She'll be fine. She said she'll miss you," he tells her.

"Oh, I'll miss her too. I might call her and ask her how she's doing."

"I'm sure she'd like that," Greg answers and gives her another kiss.

"As much as I'd like to stay in bed all day, I think we have to get ready slowly-"

"Slowly," he says with a smile and pulls her into another kiss.

**change**  
She enters the hospital and tries to be strong. She decided that she doesn't wanna wait two or three more days. She was aways long enough and she has patients who need her. She talked to her boss this morning and he was happy that she's ready to come back.

To be honest, she just can't afford to stay away from work any longer, because she needs the money. After a while, she realizes that it costs her a lot of strength, because they all know what happened. She feels the way they look at her and a lot of people came just to talk to her.

Some would've never done that before, but she thanks them with a smile. They just want to be nice. It seems to be very quiet from time to time, but she guesses that she has to get used to it.

**change**

Thirty minutes later he sits in the kitchen and thinks about what to do.

He has to tell her the truth about Wilson before she'll find it out on her own. And she'll do that for sure one day. It might be suspicious if he finds out that he kept it from her. She walks into the kitchen and he keeps on staring into his cup of coffee.

He feels her hands on his shoulders.

"Are you okay?" she wants to know. "You're so quiet."

"I'm fine," he simply answers.

"What happened in San Francisco?" she asks and sits down in front of him.

"How's Wilson doing?" he asks, still not looking at her.

"I don't think that this is of any import-" she begins but he cuts her off.

"It is Lisa," he says and looks at her and something tells Lisa that she doesn't wanna know what he's about to tell her. "So?"

"He... he's acting weird the last few days," she answers his question.

"Thought so," he says and sips his coffee.

"Greg would you please tell me what's going on?" she asks and the tone of her voice is mixed with curiousness and the fear to her something she doesn't want to know.

"Wilson did it," he says and keeps on looking at her. The look on her faces changes and he knows that she knows what he's talking about, but she asks:"Did what?"

"He killed her mum."

"No," she says and shakes her head. "That can't be true."

"He was drunk when he caused the accident and he left after it," he explains.

She needs a few moments to let that sink in. He takes her hand which lays on the table and squeezes it gently.

"Does she know it?" Lisa wants to know.

He shakes his head. "Not until now. She has to go through enough things at the moment."

"Yeah," Lisa agrees. "What'll happen?"

"The investigations already re-started as far as I know," he tells her. "He might be arrested sooner or later."

Lisa nods, because it's all she can do at the moment.  
"We should go," he says. "Are you ready?"

"No," she answers and stares straight ahead and they leave the house five minutes later.

**change**

Around noon she walks through the hall and sees a woman standing close to the stairs. With a second look, she notices that it's Stacy. The one she saw in the courtroom. His ex-girlfriend and the one she heard so many things about.

She talks walking and looks up. Lost in thoughts she doesn't notice that Stacy saw her. Laurie turns her head away and can't help but smile.

Somehow she just can't resist and when she looks up again, Stacy is still there. This time, she's the one who looks away when Laurie raises her head and after a few more seconds, her eyes lock and Stacy gives her a warm-hearted smile.

For a moment she thinks about approaching and talking to her, but she changes her mind and leaves the hall.

**change**

"Look who's back," Foreman says when House enters his office.

"I hope you didn't kill anyone while I was away," he answers and gets himself another cup of coffee. He still tries to figure out how to react when he sees Wilson.

He can't know that he met Stacy in San Francisco but the truth is that he didn't tell her not to call Wilson and tell him so.

On their way to work, Cuddy begged him not to do anything stupid because it wouldn't help anyone.

When he enters the clinic a few minutes later, he sees Wilson standing on the other side, talking to a patient.

At exactly the same moment Lisa sees the two men and decides that it's probably better to go out there.

"Greg," she says with a warning voice and steps beside him. She looks at Wilson and back to House. "Please."

"Why does he still work here," he wants to know.

"I have no reason to fire him right now," she tells him. "I need a reason."

"Don't you have enough?"

"No official ones," she answers and Greg turns around to go back into his office.

**change**

A couple of minutes later, Lisa enters the Lucas Wing and Wilson stops when he sees her approaching. He looks like he's about to say something, but Lisa speaks first.  
"Don't you even try to thank me," she says with a strong voice and tries to keep her anger under control.

He disappointed her in many ways.

She shakes her head.

"All the time," she begins and keeps the distance between them. "All the time I was on your side. He was always the bad one. You came and complained about him. His stupid behavior and all the crappy things he always does," she almost screams at that time. "But you're even worse," she says and takes another deep breath. Her voice is shaking.

"I never, ever expected that. You really disappointed me and I can't believe how I could've been so wrong about you," she says and her voice is only an angry whisper at the end.

**change**

"Thank you," he says later that day.

"What for?" she wants to know when they enter her house. She's still angry.

"For defending me," he says and she gives him a questioning look and he knows that she's not only angry but pretty impatient.

"I didn't defend you," she says and sounds testy. She leans against the counter in the kitchen, her face in her hands. "It was just the truth. How do you even know that?"

"Heard the nurses talking about it," he says and approaches, laying his arms around her waist but she refuses to look at him.

"I can't believe that you're thinking of sex right now," she says and faces him.

"I didn't but that's also fine."

"You're an idiot," she says and her arms around his neck to kiss him hard but passionate. She tightens the embrace and sits down in the counter. His body leaning into hers.

"We can also go to the bedroom," he says with a hoarse voice when she leans her head back. He starts to kiss down her throat. She didn't even realize how he took all her clothes off. Except her underwear, there's nothing left on her body.

"No," she whispers and her hands slide under his shirt to take it off. "That's just fine."

His hand slides between her legs and she moans into his mouth and a thrilling heat flushes her body.

"God," she whispers and leans back, her hands behind her back to keep herself upright.

"Just... just one question," she whispers with closed eyes. "Who... who told you about that?" she whispers and he pulls her closer again.

"Does it really matter now?" he breathes against her cheek and she moans out loud when he pushes himself into her. She pulls his full weight onto her and her fingernails scratch her back.

"Ah!" he says louder. "I'm not the one who killed her," he hisses and takes both her hands to place them above her head and keeps them there.

"Sorry," she she whispers and it almost sounds like a cry. She screams out loud when the orgasm hits her and suddenly she's actually glad about the cold surface beneath her naked body.

**change**

At the end of her shift, she sits down on a chair in an empty floor. She leans her head against the wall behind her and tries to relax. But the only thing she does is starting to cry.

Silently the tears start to fall down her cheeks, but she still keeps her eyes closed. She tries to breath calm, feeling really exhausted.

It's been one of the hardest days ever.

She hears steps and someone who's approaching but she doesn't bother with looking up.

"Need some help?" a woman asks calmly and Laurie likes the gentle sound of her voice. She opens her eyes and looks at Stacy whom she saw in the hall earlier.

"No thanks," she says and sits upright. Stacy sits down on the chair beside her.

"It's been a hard day," Laurie says. "I thought I would be ready and over it," she says.

Stacy lays her head on her hand to look at her from the side. Her elbows on her knees.  
"Oh I know that feeling," she says deliberately. "I really do," she bits her lip and Laurie looks at her.

"So it'll pass?" Laurie wants to know and they both lean against the wall behind them.

"Hopefully it does," Stacy says. "One day."

They look at each other and Laurie wipes her tears away.

"I heard things," Laurie says.

"Same here," Stacy answers and they both smile in silence.


	23. Nothing

When Lisa enters her office the next morning, she didn't expect that this day will tear her apart deep inside.

She sits down beside her desk and keeps on looking into the clinic every now and then.

She feels uncomfortable about it all. The police could appear every minute and arrest Wilson. There's this heavy feeling inside her chest whenever she thinks about him. Since House told her what happened, she tries to understand it.

Her friend, the one she loved to talk to all the time. He seemed such a nice man. She trusted him blindly. But with every second that passes, it fades away.

He may still be a nice man, but what he dud can't be forgotten. She just can't look at him any longer without thinking about the poor woman who died in the car.

He's a doctor and it was his duty to try to save her life or get at least some help.

But he failed.

No one is perfect, she thinks. People make mistakes but he's gone to far.

What makes her even angrier is the fact that he pretends like nothing ever happened. Even though it just looks like this, because she doesn't know what's going on inside of him.

But what would she do? Just a slight moment. She tries to imagine what she would do in his situation. But it didn't help at all.

**change**

He knows that time's running.

House knows it which means that he must've talked to Stacy. He never told anyone else. She talked, but how did they met? As much as he likes to know that, there are more important things to do right now.

House never said it, but his behavior tells him that he knows it. Just like Cuddy.

Wilson doesn't know how much time he's got left, but on his way to work he decided to do something.

To sit and wait seems to kill him. He needed to go somewhere far away- Where no one would imagine him to be.

He'll stay at the hospital until the end of his shift because a sudden disappearance would look very suspicious.

He books his flight online and puts the printed ticket in his jacket and leaves his office to see another patient.

He always keeps on eye on the door and the clock. Praying that it isn't too late.

**change**

"I don't like the whole thing," Cuddy says still sitting behind her desk. "That's so unbelievable."

"I know," he answers and stares at his hands.

Cuddy looks at him in silence. Since he returned she knows that there's something different about him. There's something he refuses to tell her. She can't blame that on the fact that Wilson is the one who killed her mother.

It's something else.

She knows him long enough to know that something is wrong. Either he doesn't wanna hurt her or protect her from something.

"Why don't you talk to me?" she wants to know with a calm voice and remembers that he still didn't tell her how he found out about the truth.

"There's nothing," he answers.

"I don't believe you," she tells him. "I can see that there's something going on.

He takes his time before he replies to that.

"It's the whole situation," he says and Lisa nods. But actually she still has her doubts.

Five minutes later he leaves her office. Feeling more miserable then he ever did before. Although nothing happened between him and Stacy, he feels like there's something that has to remain untold.

And that's the mistake.

The fact that he didn't say anything from the beginning.

**change**

Later that day, Lisa gets a call.

Se almost hesitates before she picks up the phone.

"Dr. Cuddy," she answers the phone.

"Dr. Cuddy, this is Captain Donald Cragen," the man says and she knows that it's the call she's been waiting for.

"I call because of Dr. James Wilson," he begins to explain and she listens. She can't tell him that she already knows some of the details. And she doesn't want to interrupt him. She's glad that he calls at all instead of showing up unannounced.

"Yes," she answers. "How can I help you?"

"He'll be arrested," the officer says. "My detectives will be there soon and give you every information that you need."

"Thank you," she says, staring straight ahead. She didn't even realize how he hangs up the phone. She lays her face in her hands and sighs. Trying to prepare herself for that.

What should she do? Sit in here and wait? Or do something. But what?

She just can't talk to him at the moment and actually she can't tell him that the police is on the way either. Talking to House doesn't help at all. She would keep on trying to find out what happened.

He walks through the clinic and looks into her office. She sits behind her desk, her face in her hands. She looks to the side and he sees the worried look on her face.

He turns around and enters her office.

She looks up.

"They're on their way," she says and he nods his head.

Only a couple of minutes later, she sees two detectives entering the hospital and she stands up. What should she do? Talk to them? Actually it's none of her business, but it's her hospital.

She walks towards the detectives.

"Dr. Cuddy?" the woman asks. "I'm detective Olivia Benson. This is detective Elliot Stabler," she says and points at the man beside her.

"I guess you're already informed about our visit?" Stabler asks.

"Yes, the chief called earlier," Cuddy answers and leads them into her office.

Wilson is about to enter the hall when he sees the detectives entering. He knows that the time is elapsed. He starts to panic and for a second, he's unable to move. The next thing he does is going to his office with fast steps to grab his jacket with the ticket and leave the hospital through another entrance.

There's no time to pack some things or think about the consequences. He just needs to run. He doesn't even look back.

**change**

"Is that your daughter?" Laurie asks when she sees Stacy walking toward her with a little girl on her arms.

"Yes, that's Bailey," she says and smiles.

"She's so cute," Laurie says and puts the file aside.

"Feeling better?" Stacy asks and looks at her. Laurie takes a deep breath.

"Yes, thank you. I think I'm getting used to it," she answers. "What about you?"

"I'm getting used to it," Stacy answers and they laugh. "Sorry," Stacy says when her mobile rings and she tries to get it out of her back.

"No problem, let me help you," Laurie offers and takes Bailey from her.

"I'll be right back," Stacy says and with a look at her mobile, she knows it's the chief.

"Sure," Laurie says and looks at the cute girl.

"Hey chief," she answers the call.

"I'll make it short," he says. "They're about to arrest him. Captain Cragen called me a couple of minutes ago. You'll get every further information about the witness statement when it's about time," she says.

"Thank you," Stacy answers and drops the connection.

Now that it's official, she feels confused. And the whole things makes her feeling uncomfortable, even a little bit guilty.

With a look at Laurie, she thinks that she deserves to know who did that to her mother, but is she really the right one to tell her that?

It's probably not the right time and when she walks back to them, she asks herself whether it'll always be the right moment.

"Is everything alright? You look a bit..." Laurie says and tries to find the right.

"Yes, thank you," she answers and smiles.

"It was nice to meet you little girl," Laurie says and Stacy takes her back.

"I see you," Stacy says with a smile. "I hope the rest of your shift won't be that bad."

"Thanks," Laurie answers and Stacy turns around to leave. "Oh, Stacy?" she asks and she turns around again.

"Yes?"

"What kind of thing did you hear?" she asks.

"Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine," she answers and leaves. Laurie smiles to herself and leaves to see another patient.

**change**

Cuddy enters House's office with the detectives and everyone looks up. The others don't know what's going on.

"Did you see Wilson?" she asks and looks at House.

"No," he says and tries to figure out what happened. "The last time I saw him was in clinic around noon."

Cuddy sighs. "He's nowhere to be found," she tells him and looks at the detectives.

"Any idea where he could be?" the female detective asks.

"Not at all," House answers. "The only thing I can think of is his house."

"I wanna have a closer look at his office," Stabler says. "If you see him, call us."

"Wait," Cameron throws in. "I think he sent a patient to the radiology for an x-ray this afternoon. I think I saw his signature on a paper."

"Would you get this please?" the detective asks and she nods. The look on her face is a bit confused when she leaves the room.

They enter his office and Cuddy looks around. Everything seems to be the same.

"Easier then I thought it would be," Olivia says and sits down behind his desk. "He left his bag," she says and takes the bag from the ground."

She starts to take a look at the things, but at the first sight there's nothing special. His purse, passport, ID-card.

"Nothing special," she says and switches the pc on. "Let's see what we find there," she says and at the same time, Elliot Stabler calls the captain the give him an update about the recent happenings.

"I'll be in the clinic," Cuddy says. "Just give me a call when you need some help."

"Thank you," Olivia says and starts to check his computer.

"Anything useful?" Elliot asks when he finished his call.

"Looks like he was in a hurry. He didn't even delete the pages he visited," she says.

Elliot walks around the table and looks at the screen.

"There's one from an online travel agency and the Newark International Airport," she says. "Looks like he's trying to run away from us."

"Can you see which flight he booked?" Elliot asks.

"Not yet," she answers. "I'll see what I can do."

"Captain, this is Elliot Stabler," he says.

"What do you got?"

"Seems like he booked a flight from Newark International today," he says.

"I'll send Cassidy and Jeffries to the airport. They'll call you as soon as they get some information."

"Thanks."

"Do you know if he has relatives in another country?" Olivia asks and looks at House and Cuddy.

"Did he ever say something?"

"Not that I know," House answers and Cuddy shakes her head.

**change**

He enters the airport and tries not to look to suspicious. Actually he looks like every other person in the airport, but the circumstances make him feel like everyone knows who he is and what he did.

When he waits in front of the check in, he realizes that he left his bag in his office and his heart stops beating for a moment. He can't go anywhere without his passport or ID-card.

After realizing that, he sees the detectives walking through the airport. Obviously looking for something. Or someone.

He needs his bag, he thinks and can't believe how stupid he's been. He doesn't have anything with him. Not even his credit cards.

He has to go back, without knowing what'll expect him.

**change**

"We'll wait," Olivia says and sits down on a chair. "He left everything here. Either he comes back or the detectives will catch him at the airport," she says and Elliot nods.

By the time they decided to wait, it's dark outside. The happenings in the hospital start to slow down and it gets calmer. Lights will be shut. Doors closed.

Cuddy sits down on a chair in a lonely floor.

"This is ridiculous," he says and sits down beside her. She nods in silence and he takes her hand. She squeezes it gently and tries to think of something else.

He lays his arm around her and she leans her head against his shoulder.

"I wish it'd already be over," she says.

"Me too," he answers and after a while, he says:"Did I tell you who I met in San Francisco?"

"No," she answers and looks up and at the same moment detective Benson appears.

"He came back," she says and they stand up to follow her. "That's actually pretty stupid. To come back although he probably knew that we came."

When they enter the room, they see Wilson next to Detective Stabler, his hands tied together behind his back. The look on his face is something between desperation, fear and stupidity.

"This all wouldn't have happened if your daughter didn't show up here," he nearly spits the words on him.

"She didn't even know that," he answers surprisingly calm and the others watched them. "This is not about my daughter."

"But she told you in San Francisco," Wilson says and they both know that they're not talking about Laurie right now. Even Cuddy realized that.

"What did you think?" House asks him. "That she would keep it for you?"

"How could I know you'll see her there?"

"That's it, you couldn't."

"Let's go," Detective Benson says and they walk off with him. Leaving House and Cuddy back in a terrible silence.

"It was nothing, wasn't it?" she says without looking at him and the disappointed sound of her voice hurts.

He watches her leaving the room.

_(A few chapters back I told you that I reach the end slowly, but the story took some (good) unexpected changes while I was writing and right now I'm not sure how far or close the end is...)_


	24. Who are you?

_(A new update to celebrate the newest episode because it was an awesome one.. although the end was too short to my mind, know what I mean?)_

She feels completely confused and a part of her is disappointed.

She knew there's something he refused to tell her all the time. And she expected a lot of things but not this.

It's bad enough that one of her best friends was arrested today because he killed someone and to find out that it was his ex-girlfriend who old him the truth is just too much.

She knows and she likes her but she knows what happened when they met the last time.

Why didn't he tell her so?

Stacy wasn't just one girlfriend. She was the one and Cuddy knows that.

She sits down on the stairs and stares into the empty hall in front of her. Not so long ago he told her that he's afraid of not being able to hold her.

What if he failed? And what if she did?

"Liz?" she hears him asking carefully and he walks down the stairs and sits down beside her.

"Mhm?" she asks without looking at him. "I knew there is something," she says after a while. Her voice is calm and there's a trace of disappointment in it.

"There was nothing," he replies.

"You keep on saying that!"

"Because it's true!" he answers and lets a few seconds pass by. "She works in the same hospital as Laurie."

"Did you know it?" Lisa asks and knows that this is a ridiculous question.

"How should I?" he asks her and she shrugs.

"I don't know," she answers and shakes her head. She's still not sure what to think about it.

**change**

He leans back in the police car, because he knows that anything else will cause more trouble and that's the very last thing he needs at the moment.

With closed eyes he practically sees his life passing by. He doesn't know which punishment will expect him.

And the truth Is that he doesn't wanna know it at all.

He can't believe how stupid he was. Why did he tell her the truth? No one would know and everything would be fine.

He can't deny the fear he feels but it won't change anything.

It's too late.

**Change**

"I don't know what to believe," Lisa says. "I really don't know."  
"Believe me when I say that nothing happened," he says again.

"It's not just that."

"Tell me, what is it?"

Again, she looks at her hands, feeling sad, tired and disappointed at the same time.

"All the time, I thought I know him," she begins and takes a few deep breaths.

"We all thought that," he answers.

"And all the time, I just can't help and ask myself if I know you," she says and her voice trembles.

Now it's his part to feel slapped.

"But-" he begins and she interrupts him.

"Do you even know me?" she wants to know. "I'm serious," she adds when he doesn't answer.

"I'm afraid," she says.

"Who isn't?"

"Do you know how I felt when I watched you nearly killing yourself? More than once?" she asks him.

"You never said a word," he answers and secretly he knows that she's right.

"You never listened," she says with a trace of bitterness in her voice.

He doesn't even look at her and she goes on.

"Why do you think I took your pills away from you so many times? I took your pills because it hurt to watch you killing yourself. And I lied for you. I committed perjury for you," she tells him and he knows that it costs her a lot of strength to keep her voice steady.

"I risked to loose everything just to keep you out of prison," she says and wipes a tear from her cheek. "All because you were to proud to say you're sorry," she says angry and sad at the same time. She doesn't bother with holding back her tears any longer.

"I didn't-" he tries it once again but she doesn't let him.

"You had enough reasons to be sorry!" she says louder and looks at him.

To look at her at this moment feels like one of the hardest things ever. Suddenly it all makes sense. He begins to understand, not sure if it's too late.

**change**

When Stacy finished her work, she walks through the great entrance hall of the hospital to leave. From a distance she sees Laurie talking to a patient and she stops walking for a moment. Since she knows that she's his daughter, Laurie fascinates her in a couple of ways. She's intelligent just like her father, she even looks like him. She has his amazing blue eyes and she seems to be very smart and helpful.

At some moments Stacy wants to be close to her. Wants to talk to her and get to know her better. She can't say what it is. Why she seems to care so much about the young woman. Maybe she gave a secret promise to Greg to take care of her while he's not here. An unspoken one.

Another part of her is sad, without knowing why.

"I don't even know you," Stacy thinks and turns around to go home.

**change**

She starts to walk down the stairs and he stands up.

"You want me to take you home?" he asks hopefully.

"No," she answers. "Just stay where you are," she answers and leaves.

He remains on the stairs and tries to understand what happened during the last few minutes.

While he watches her leaving, unable to move and asks himself if he finally lost her.

_(I knows this one isn't that long but the next ones will be longer, promise. It's just that I didn't wanna put to much stuff in that one...)_


	25. Untold things

Chapter 25 – Untold things

A few days later, Laurie sits in the cafeteria in the morning. Once again she thinks about Stacy. Somehow she's fascinated because of Stacy. This woman has something special to her. There are so much things she still doesn't know about her father's life and knowing that she was or still is a very important part of his life, makes her even more interesting.

When she was in the hospital, Lisa told her something about a different Greg. A person he was a couple of years ago.

She wants to know who he was and how he was and as far as she knows Stacy was the one who was with him before the infarction and before everything changed.

Lisa was with him before in college but in some ways that doesn't count because these were the "wild" college days.

She's lost in her thoughts when she sees someone walking by and she immediately recognizes her.

"Hey," she says friendly.

"Hi," Laurie answers. "You want sit down?" Laurie asks and points to the empty chair in front of her.

"Oh, I don't wanna disturb you," Stacy begins.

"Yes, because I'm in a quite vivid conversation with Mr. Invisible right now," she says and smiles. "I think we can finish our conversation on another day."  
Stacy laughs. "Just like her father," she thinks.

"Okay, I'd like to," she sits down. "How are you today?" she wants to know.

"Getting used to it," she answers with a smile.

"That's good I guess," she says and can't stop thinking about the fact that she still doesn't know who killed her mother and it makes her feeling guilty because she deserves to know the truth.

"Yes," Laurie replies lost in thoughts. After a few minutes of silence, Laurie asks:"How did you met him?"

Stacy smiles a bit surprised because she didn't expect such a question, but she starts to tell her how it happened – secretly praying that she won't burst into tears again.

"There was a "Doctors vs. Lawyers" paintball game quite a long while ago," she starts to explain with a smile on her face. "That's where we met."

"This is the very last thing I expected you to have met him," Laurie says with a smile.

"Well, when I decided to attend the game I didn't that I would meet the l-" she starts but changes her mind, not sure if she should says.

"The?" Laurie wants to know with a questioning look on her face.

"The handsome doctor I was with for a couple of years," she tells her.

"That's not what you wanted to say," Laurie says and laughs.

Stacy occupies herself with her cup of coffee and can't stop smiling melancholy.

"What do you wanna hear?" she asks with a trace of resignation in her voice.

"The truth?" Laurie asks and looks at her with a warm smile on her face.

She's really her father's daughter. For a moment Stacy gets lost in her eyes. The very ones she'd fallen for so many years ago.

Stacy still struggles with herself. Confessing that in front of her friend is one thing but confessing that in front of his daughter is another thing. She's so sure she's over him, but deep inside she knows that a slight part of her will never be. Stacy faces her a bit helplessly and Laurie still waits for an answer.

The annoying sound of Laurie's pager interrupts their silence.

"I'm sorry," she says. "I gotta go."

"It's okay," Stacy says when Laurie stands up.

"Don't think you'll get away like this," Laurie reminds her friendly.

"I didn't expect that," Stacy answers and Laurie leaves the cafeteria.

Later that day, Laurie sees Stacy again.

When she approaches to her, Laurie smiles.

"Okay," Stacy says before Laurie says a word. "Drop by at my house later and I'll tell you everything... or not everything but we can talk."

"Sounds good," Laurie says and waits until Stacy gives her the address. It won't do any harm to be with other people anyways.

**change**

The last time he felt helpless is quite a while ago because Gregory House is used to having a plan for everything. Except this time.

He didn't expect anything like this and when he thinks of what happened during the next a few days ago, he almost laughs because it now seems so ridiculous.

Work became terribly quiet and for once he really hates it. Not even Wilson is there anymore, but he doesn't think that he would've talked to him if he was still there. But despite that, there are those looks of all the other people. He never really cared about them, but things changed.

They want to know what happened, but no one dares to ask. They're curious and talk behind his back and they sometimes act like they wanna do him a favor just because they feel sorry in some way and that doesn't really help at all.

*******  
Due to the fact that Laurie spent most of her life in San Francisco it's easy to find her house. Even in a big city like San Francisco and her place isn't that far away from where she lives.

A part of her is nervous but she doesn't know why, because there's absolutely nothing to be nervous about. She's excited about getting to know Stacy closer and she's excited about getting to know things about her father. And about a past that she doesn't know.  
She always believed that some things should better remain untold and right now she's not sure if there will be anything that belongs to that category.

On her way to the house, she thinks about John. She didn't think about him a lot the past days because she didn't allow it to herself. She knows that she wouldn't be able to do anything if she keeps on thinking about him right now. The loss still hurts deeply but she pushes it away and prays that she'll be able to keep it away as long as possible.

Stacy lives in one of the calmer places in San Francisco, close to the beach and not too close to the wild life in the city.

From a distance she sees her sitting in the front yard with her daughter and as soon as Laurie sees them, she starts to smile.

"There you are," Stacy says friendly.

"Here I am," she replies and approaches.

"Come in," Stacy says and Laurie joins them on the soft grass. "You want something to drink?" Stacy asks. "I was about to get something."

"I'd like to," Laurie answers. "You need some help?"  
"No thanks, you could stay with Bailey until I'm back."  
"Sure," Laurie says and takes off her jacket because the sun shines brightly.

While she waits for Stacy to come back, she watches Bailey playing with a daisy. She looks too cute with her dress and her hat. Laurie asks herself if she'll ever have children on her own. Suddenly her thoughts drift back to John. He was the only one she could've imagined to have children with, they both knew that. And right now it's impossible for her to imagine being with another man.

"You want children?" Stacy asks, Laurie didn't notice her coming back.

"I don't know," Laurie says and takes the glass that Stacy handles her. "Thanks. Sometimes I think I really want children and then I think I don't want to."

"I never want to have children," Stacy says and sits down next to them.

"Never?" Laurie asks.

"No," Stacy answers and shakes her head.

"Why not?"

"I don't really know," Stacy says and laughs because that's exactly what Laurie answered a few seconds ago. "With Greg it was never a thing to discuss. From the beginning it was clear that we didn't want children," she answers and feels a bit weird about telling his daughter that he never wanted to be a father. "Don't get me wrong," she goes on. "You were born before I met him, I don't know what he thought about having children before," she says and sips her ice tea. "We just never really talked about it."

"And he never said anything when you were together?" Laurie wants to know.

"No, he didn't."

"How does it feel?"

"Well, I know that you exist since a few days and when he told me so, I just couldn't be angry or something like that. Later I asked myself if he didn't trust me enough, but we went through a lot of troubled times and being mad about that now wouldn't change anything, would it?"

"Probably not," Laurie throws in.

"I was surprised though because I surely didn't expect that," she admits.

"I understand that."

"Why are you still unsure if I may ask?" Stacy asks.

"I tried to find an answer quite a lot of times to be honest," she begins.

"Oh, I know that feeling," Stacy throws in.

"And now I just can't imagine being with someone else..." she starts, not sure if she'd be strong enough to bring this sentence to an end, but Stacy seems to understand her.

"I felt like that when I left him," she says with a lower voice. For a moment Laurie wants to ask what happened exactly because Lisa doesn't seem to know everything about their ending. Laurie remembers that some things should rather remain untold, that's why she doesn't ask.

"I felt like there's no man I could ever be with again," she goes on and decides to drop some of the things that happened. Somehow she thinks that it's unfair because Greg isn't here and she feels like having to protect Laurie.

"Does the feeling change one day?" Laurie wants to know.

"I got married to years later," she says.

"That didn't answer my question," Laurie reminds her.

"It takes time to pass," Stacy says. "A lot of time and I think it never really does."

When Laurie looks at her with only a little less hope written on her face, Stacy goes on.

"I think we get used to it and we manage to go on with our lives somehow."

That sounds a bit better Laurie thinks and they both watch Bailey laying on the grass, entertaining herself with the little white flowers.

"What made you change your mind?" Laurie asks and faces Stacy. "What made you wanting to be a mother after all those years?"

"I felt like I was missing something," she begins. "I always loved family. The thought that there would be no family left when I die some day really scared me. And I think every woman struggles with that at least for one time in her life, even though she never wanted children," she says and smiles.

"Got me," Laurie admits and laughs.

After a while, Laurie breaks the silence. "What did you think when you saw him in the court?"

"I thought I finally went crazy. This just couldn't be true. I went to the other side of the country and still he finds me somehow," she explains. "I was a little angry at the beginning."

"Why?"

"Because I know Greg," she begins.

"And?"

"And I know me," she says and a grin she can't oppress appears on her face.

"What does that mean?" Laurie curiously wants to know.

"Let's just say we already had one of those meetings couple of years earlier and it didn't turn out the way we wanted it to. For both of us."

"Oh," Laurie says. "That was before your marriage?"

"No," Stacy says. "I don't want you to get a bad image about me..."

"I won't. Promise."

"It was while I was married," Stacy says.

"Now it's getting interesting," Laurie throws in.

"That's all I can tell you," Stacy finishes.

"Or better said all you want to tell me?"  
"Yes, for now I guess it's all," Stacy says and Bailey tries to crawl across the grass.

Laurie doesn't ask and instead of that, she tells Stacy things about her own life and in return Stacy tells her something about hers. Without a single mention of Greg and a common past and Laurie thinks that she really likes Stacy a lot. She enjoys being there more than she thought she would. It distracts her from all the things that happened and she felt like she found a new friend. A person that she'll never loose again.

It's early evening when Laurie is about to leave. They went into the house an hour ago because Bailey got hungry and it started getting cool.

She tells Bailey goodbye and Stacy gives her a warm-hearted hug before she lets her go.

"I really enjoyed this afternoon, thank you very much," Laurie says.

"So did I."

"I guess I'll see you in the hospital than?"

"Of course we will," she says.

When Laurie walks down the little path to the street, she turns around before Stacy walked back in.

"Stacy?" she asks and she remains outside.  
"Yes?"

"One more thing," Laurie begins. "How did the sentence end? What was he?" she wants to know.

"The love of my life," she answers, the expression on her face softly.

"Thanks," Laurie answers very touched and leaves.

**change**

When she left the hospital after Wilson was arrested he remained standing on the stairs in a state of shock and disbelieve about what happened.

It took him a few minutes to realize what happened after being refused from her and he couldn't let that happen.  
When he could think clearly, he decided to follow her because he wouldn't let her go so easily. He took his motorbike and followed her to her house.

And tonight he'd do the same thing he did the past evenings.

After his shift in the hospital he drives to her house, his mind empty. But a part of him hopes that something would be different tonight.

He stops his bike in the street in front of her house and takes his time with walking up the way to the door only to see that it's dark inside.

He sits down on the front steps and waits. Just like he did all those previous evenings.

He waits for her to come home.

_(Maybe it might get on your nerves that I go into the past again and again, but I think it's important to hear what happened from different PoV's, because it affects all four of them)_


	26. Can I be you for a while?

She stands by the window, staring at the Atlantic Ocean. There's a heavy wind outside and Cuddy isn't in the mood to go outside.

She crosses her arms in front of her chest and leans against the door frame, watching the waves breaking at the rocks.

All her movements seem to be more difficult, seem to cost her more strength as it normally does. From time to time she thinks that everything moves in slow motion around her.

Sometimes she thinks that she never felt that bad before but she knows that there'd been worse moments in her life.

To leave him alone in the hospital hurt her deep inside, but she couldn't help. She felt helpless with no more strength left to keep on fighting. Tired because of everything that happened.

She needed to go, needed to be able to think and to breathe. Every once in a while she started to panic because she thought she ran out of breath because everything around her happened so fast. It scared her and it made her weak.

Each night when she tries to close her eyes, she sees the hurt expression on his face.

She doesn't know what she wants and she doesn't know what'll happen. When will she have enough power to return. And will she ever return at all?

She doesn't know it.

***

He sits in his office, waiting for her to answer her mobile. He's dying to hear a familiar voice, despite the ones she always hears in the hospital. This time he needs someone to talk to. And he needs to know if, at least, she's doing alright.

"Hey girl," he says and watches the people walking past his office. "Am I disturbing you?"

"No, no you're not," she answers, happy to hear his voice.

"How are you doing?" he asks.

"I try to get used to it," she answers.

"Pushing it away is not the right way of getting used to it," he tells her.

"I know," she says. "How are you doing?" she wants to know because she already realized that his voice sounds different somehow.

"There was a lot of stress the past days," he begins to tell her but then he remembers that she doesn't know who killed her mother. Guilt starts to spread inside of him because he knows that she deserves to know the truth. But he just couldn't tell her so, not now.

"What's going on?" she asks seriously after a few seconds of silence.

"Nothing, really," he says but doesn't sound pretty convinced.

"Nothing sounds different," she comments and waits for another answer.

"It's okay," he says and tries to change the topic again. "It'll be okay soon," he says not sure what's actually going on.

"How's Lisa doing?" she asks because she knows that something is wrong.

"I wish I'd know that," he finally admits.

"I knew there is something going on," she begins. "What happened?"

"We just had an argument," he says and thinks that he better not tells her what the whole thing was about. "I told you, it'll be okay," he says again and hopes that she'll take it.

"Okay," she finally says, not really believing it. "Listen I gotta go now. It was nice to talk to you," she says. "I'll try to call back in the evening, if not I will tomorrow, promise."

"Okay, take care," he says.

"Thanks. You too," she answers and drops the connection.

He remains sitting in his office, trying to think about the whole thing again, angry with himself. Why didn't he tell her that he ran into Stacy? Where was the problem? He doesn't know why he did it but if he did so, there wouldn't be a problem and he would know where she is and what's going on with her. He can't stop thinking about the fact that something might've happened to her.

He hears someone knocking at his door and before looking up, he thinks it might be Wilson until he remembers that he's not there anymore.

"Just wanted to tell you that Cuddy called in sick this morning," Foreman says and House watches him, not sure what to think about it.

He nods and Foreman leaves.

In his mind he hears a voice that tells him that this is at least a sign that she's still alive. She called the hospital early in the morning because she knew that he won't be there so early. But why did she wait almost three days?

There's a trace of disappointment because she called the hospital. It feels like he's so close. Like a reached out hand, but there's no chance to take it.

***

With every minute she keeps on thinking about what happened, she feels more miserable. It's not fair, but she can't help.

She feels cold and a shiver runs through her body. She sits down on the bed and keeps on watching out of the window.

A part of her expected him to pick up the phone, but the other part knew he wouldn't be there. The pain tightens her chest and sometimes it's hard to breath. She can't stop thinking about what happened, silently grieving about it all with no way out.

She feels like she can't walk back into the hospital even though nothing ever happened. While she sits in the lonely house by the sea she also thinks about Stacy.

She can't deny the fact that she always liked her in a certain way. She's a nice woman. And a part of her doesn't understand why she reacted like this.

Unwillingly she tried to figure out what happened when they met each other, knowing that it doesn't help at all.

What if it's not supposed to work out? And will she ever get out of here?

***

He left almost a week ago and already had a fight with Lisa. Laurie thought they'd be happy to see each other. But something tells her that it's not just an argument, because he didn't even want to talk about it at all. He said it's not that bad, but his behavior, she even realized that on the phone, told her that it must be something bad.

She just hopes that they'll be able to fix it, whatever it is. She knows that he loves her and they went through enough things in the past, she thinks.

She makes a mental note to call Lisa on her own. Just to ask how she's doing.

***

"Is Cuddy alright?" Chase asks when House enters the office. After all she's still his boss and it's only kind to ask. Even though he's also curious.

"She'll be fine," House simply answers, not in the mood for an actual conversation.

"Is it serious?" Cameron asks.

"I don't think so," he says and knows that his answers might appear a bit suspicious.

"You don't-" Foreman is about to ask but House cuts him off.

"None of your business," he says and gets himself a cup of coffee.

"What's going on with Wilson?" Cameron asks after a while and House knew this question would appear even though he can't explain how they didn't find out about the whole thing.

When he once had sex with Cuddy a couple of years back, everyone knew within a day. Despite that, he didn't think about the answer before although he doesn't have to hide anything nor does he have a reason to feel guilty about any of this.

But this doesn't seem to be as easy as he thought it would be. He hates Wilson for what he did, but despite that he still was a friend for all those years.

"Not supposed to return anytime soon," he tells them, knowing that they won't be pleased with the answer.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Foreman wants to know.

"That this hospital needs a new Oncologist," House answers his question.

"But what happened?" Foreman asks in reply. "Why so suddenly?"

House considers his answer for a moment.

"Recent happenings unfortunately revealed Wilson's past. Or better said some things he did in the past and there were a few people who didn't like it," he says, not really willing to give them any further details. There's also no need to tell them that he's one of the people who doesn't like what he did. If his daughter doesn't know so far, they're the last people to get to know that.

"But-" Chase tries to ask but again House interrupts him.

"That's all," he says and leaves the room, leaving them back with a puzzled look on their faces.

He walks down the stairs and enters a ward from which he knows that it won't be as crowded as the other ones.

Talking about it was even harder than he thought it would be and there are enough things he worries about at the time. There's no need to make this a part of his worried too. He actually shouldn't care anymore.

His daughter lives at the other side of the country, trying to get used to the loss of her best friend and his girlfriend is nowhere to be found and at the moment he's not sure if he'll ever see her again. A couple of hours back he would've laughed into everyones face who told him that this could happen. That everything could change within seconds, but it did.

There's still no sign of her and he wants to throw his damn phone against the wall but he needs it. Just for the case that she will call.

He leans back with closed eyes and tries to ignore the voice in his head that tells him that something happened to her. And this voice gets louder and harder to ignore.

This is the moment in which he realizes how terrible it is to be alone. He always wanted to be alone but now that he really is alone, it sucks.

Not even Wilson, who was always there, is left.

***

Stacy stands in her kitchen, preparing dinner because Elin will come over in an hour. She took Bailey to the Golden Gate Park.

She stares out of the window, washes the dishes from breakfast and thinks of the evening when she left New Jersey. It's been the same but her life changed in a lot of ways and she knows that she'd never run away again because she finally found what she was looking for.

She lays the table and when she's done she looks at it again. There's still a free place. After considering it for a moment she decides to give it a try.

She takes the phone and calls a colleague in the hospital.

"Hey, this is Stacy Keating," she says. "Could you please pass me the number of Dr. Laurie House?" she asks and waits. "Yes, thanks," she answers after a few moments and writes the number on her hand because she can't find a piece of paper.  
As soon as she hung up, she dials her number.

"Hey, it's Stacy," she says when Laurie picks up the phone.

"Oh, hi," she answers.

"I was just asking myself if you'd like to come over for dinner tonight?" she says ans waits for an answer. She's surprised by the invitation and a part of her is against it although she can't explain it. But by considering the options – which means choosing between the dinner with Stacy or sitting alone at home – the invitation seems to be a good thing.

"Yes, sure," she answers.

"Great," Stacy says. "You drop by in about two hours."

"Okay. Should I bring anything?" she wants to know.

"No, you don't have to. Really, don't worry about that. I'll see you later then," Stacy says.

"See you later," she says and when she hung up the phone she slowly starts to go to the bathroom to take a shower.

***

House never gave up so easily and he wouldn't to it either this time.

Despite that he still feels helpless and he just doesn't want to know or even think about the fact that something could've happened to her. Even the thought kills him. After finishing his shift, he starts to go the familiar way which wouldn't lead him to his apartment in the first place. Slowly he starts to go to her house, taking his time with getting there. She doesn't even answer her phone, maybe it ran out of energy. What if she lost it somewhere? And what if someone took it away from here?

When he finally reaches her house, he realized with a trace of sadness that nothing changed. There are still his footprints in the dust in front of her house. No one had been there and it's still dark inside of the house.

But he just couldn't leave. He will wait again.

***  
Even the it's late spring the house seems to be pretty cold from time to time. It's terribly silent inside the empty house and she's not sure how long she'll stand it.

She hears the wind whistling loudly and the waves down by the beach. She always thought that she'd find the sound of it romantic. But due to the fact that she's only in the big house scares her a lot. And it's not very bright inside the house. When the sun started to set she only put some candles on the table.

She takes another look out of the window, watching the moon shining brightly, asking herself what the hell is going on with her.

She's lost in thoughts when she hears the door being opened, and her heart stops beating for a second and she doesn't dare to breathe or move.


	27. One Safe Place

Chapter 27 – One safe place

They sky got darker when she approaches to the house. She knocks on the door, asking herself if Bailey's already sleeping.

The door opens and Laurie faces a woman who definitely isn't Stacy. But she knows that she already saw her before.

"Hi, you must be Laurie," she says.

"Yes," she answers and still tries to figure out where she saw her.

"I'm Elin, nice to meet you," she says and steps beside to let her in.

"Laurie," she answers even though Elin doesn't know it. "Nice to meet you too."

"Stacy's back there," she says and points to the kitchen. "I don't know what she does there, she banned me out of the kitchen because I can't cook," she says and Laurie takes off her jacket. "And I hope she's a good cook because I'm starving," she says with a low voice and Laurie laughs.

"I heard that," Stacy says and joins them. "Hey, thanks for coming over."

"Thanks for inviting," Laurie says and Stacy gives her a short hug. She still feels a bit uncomfortable and she still didn't find out why.

"Dinner is almost ready," Stacy announces.

"You need any help?" Laurie wants to know.

"No, thanks," Stacy says and smiles. "Just sit down with Elin, I'll be right there."

"Sure," Laurie answers and follows Elin into the nice room. Or better said corner of a big room because the one they're sitting in isn't separated through walls from the others.

"I think I already saw you somewhere," Laurie begins when she sits down in front of the woman.

"Me?" Elin asks and tries to think of a time where she might've seen her before. Just for the case that she forgot about it.

"Yeah," Laurie begins and thinks about it for a moment. "You're an attorney aren't you?"

"That's it!" Elin agrees. "You sat in the audience during the trial," she finishes her sentence.

"Yes," Laurie answers and ignores the uncomfortable feeling she has when she thinks about the trial.

"Ready," Stacy says enters the room.

***

The sky is already pitch black when he gives up waiting for the moment. With every day that passes his hopes fades that he'll see her again.

He needs to do something, the only problem is that he doesn't know what to do. He doesn't have any clue where she could be. Once again he tries to reach her via mobile phone, but it doesn't work. When he reaches his bike, he thinks about Detective Benson who was in the hospital when Wilson was arrested. It might not be on of their cases but calling them is even better then doing nothing.

***

When she hears the noises by the door, she doesn't dare to move or make a sound because she's got no idea who that could be.

She takes a step back in the darkness, her heart pounding in her chest. Maybe she should run now? She stands quite close to the door that leads to the beach. For a moment Cuddy considers her chances and remains where she is.

"Hello?" she hears a woman asking and suddenly she feels so relieved that she thinks she's going to cry. She sighs and approaches to the woman who just switched on the lights and smiles at he brightly.

"Oh My God, never do that again," Lisa says and closes the distance between them with fast steps to hold her in her arms. It's been quite a long time since she saw her and she didn't expect her to come. All she did is asking her if she could stay in her house for a few days.

"I'm sorry," she says and holds her close. "I didn't want to frighten you."

"You did," Lisa says but can't avoid a smile. "I never thought you'd come!"

"I thought you might need someone to talk to and I had to escape too," she says and throws her jacket aside.

"So?" she says and looks at her, expecting an explanation. "You owe me a story," she says with a smile. "Seriously," she says after a few seconds. "What happened?"

Lisa sighs because she knows that it won't be easy to tell her so and that she would probably feel ashamed because of her stupid behavior.

The sit down in the kitchen and while Lisa starts to tell her what happened step by step, she watches making something to eat, she even thought about getting something to eat before coming here.

***

As soon as he got home he started looking for the card that Detective Benson gave him a few days ago.

He dials her number and waits for her to pick up.

"This is Dr. Gregory House," he says when she picks up.

"Hey doctor," she says. "You still have to tell us something that could be helpful for the case?" she asks friendly.

"Actually not," he admits.  
"Oh," she says. "So how can I help you?"

"It's because of Dr. Cuddy," he starts to explain. "It's like she disappeared, I just can't find or reach her," he explains everything and she promised to have a look on that and call him as soon as she found something useful.

When he puts the phone aside, he doesn't feel any better but he knows that it's the first step into the right direction.

***

"I talked to him this morning," she says while they wash the dishes. Laurie loves the feeling of being able to help and Elin sits on the small table in the kitchen, with a glass of wine in her hand. "He didn't sound that happy," Laurie says, asking herself how they ended up talking about her father again.

"Oh," Stacy says, obviously trying to decide whether to ask what happened or not.

"I think he had an argument with Cuddy," she answers her unasked question.

"Well that's nothing new," Stacy comments and puts the plate back in the cupboard.

"Yes, but..." she begins, not sure if she should tell her the truth.

"You're obviously not wanting to tell me that they're in a relationship?" she asks and laughs, Laurie smiles in reply.

"I always knew that and I already figured that out," Stacy says.

"Oh, okay," Laurie says, relieved that she knows it. "I didn't ask what happened, he didn't seem to be in the mood to talk about it," she says.

"If you'll talk to him anytime soon, say "hi" for me," Stacy says almost an hour later when they stand by the door to say goodbye.

"Sure," she answers and remembers that she wanted to call Cuddy. "Thank you very much for the invitation and the wonderful dinner."

"Thank you for accepting it," she answers with a friendly smile on her face.

"My pleasure," she answers and they laugh. "Have a good night," she says and when she walks down the street, a smile appears on her face and she's glad that she decided to go to her house tonight.

When she walks down the street she decides to call Cuddy tomorrow because it's probably to late now.

***

While Cuddy watches her friend preparing dinner, she feels terribly tired and tries to figure out a way how to start telling her the story which is harder then she imagined it to be.

When she goes through everything that happened in her mind, she realizes how much it hurt. And how ridiculous the whole thing was and that her behaviour is probably very stupid and she's ashamed of it.

"Lisa?" the red haired woman in front of her asks. "Are you okay?" her voice sounds worried and Cuddy feels a warm tear running down her cheek.


	28. One is the loneliest number

Chapter 28 – One is the loneliest number

"God," Cuddy whispers, angry with herself when her friend approaches.

"Honey what's going on?" she asks.

"I wish I'd know Addison," she says and shrugs. "I feel so stupid about the whole thing."

"And what is the whole thing?" she wants to know.

Cuddy sighs and takes the glass of wine that she handles her.

"Is it still him?" Addison wants to know and sips on her glass.

"What do you think?"

"Oh I knew it," she answers with a grin. "So what happened?"

"We had a fight," she begins. "Or better said I started it and he didn't have any chances to explain himself."

"But I thought that's the usual thing the two of you do?"

"Well not since we're... kinda together," Cuddy says and looks at her. Addison laughs.

"I can't believe you didn't tell me that," she says and puts her glass down.

"It wasn't like the "Okay we're together now" thing. Just happened and it was clear. Maybe. So there was his daughter and everything started to come back. You know, everything that happened in the past and-"

"His daughter?" she interrupted her.

"Yes," Cuddy says slowly, not sure if Addison knew about it. "To make it short now: He had an affair quite a while back, his daughter is in her mid-twenties and about to become a great neurosurgeon in San Francisco," she says and waits for Addison's reaction.

"Wow," she says, looking quite surprised and not sure what to say. "That sounds far better then the things I have to tell."

"Thanks," Cuddy says ironically.

"So, his daughter. And then?"

"He went with her to San Francisco because her best friend got shot."

"Okay..." Addison says, letting that sink in.

"Just for a week or so. He came back four days ago."

Cuddy empties her glass and goes on.

"His best friend, who was also one of my friends and my best Oncologist, got arrested three days ago," she leans back and waits for Addison to re-fill her glass. "Because, and here comes the unbelievable part, he killed his daughter's mother about two years ago!"

"Oh my God," Addison says and empties her glass. "You're kidding me!"

"I wish I would," Cuddy says.

"So his best friend killed his daughter's mother?"

"That's it."

"Did he know who she is? When he killed her?"

"Not at the time the accident happened. And as far as I know, not until Laurie appeared in Princeton."

Addison stands behind the counter, watching Lisa with a mixture of disbelieve, shock and curiousness at the same time.

"That's hard," Addison throws in.

"I'm not even done!"

"Oh my God, what comes now?" Addison says more to herself.

"Greg didn't know that his best friend killed her," she explains.

"How did he found that out?"

"His ex-girlfriend told him so when he was in San Francisco," she says and waits to let that sink in.

"I thought she was killed?!" Addison asks and sits down in a chair next to Cuddy.

"Not that one!" Cuddy almost laughed about the expression on her friends face. Sometimes she was just too cute.

"The one he was with for quite a long time."

"Oh that one," Addison says but from the sound of her voice Stacy knows that she still tries to figure out which one she's talking about exactly.

"Stacy," Cuddy reminds her.

"Oh, of course," she says and laughs. Of course she heard about her. "So how did they met?"

"He said she lives there now," Cuddy begins. "He said he didn't know that does."

"And you don't believe him?"

"I don't know what to think..."

"Was that the cause of your argument?"

"Sort of..." Cuddy says in a low voice and Addison looks at her with a light smile on her face.

"I can't believe you're jealous," she says playfully.

"This is not funny!"

"I didn't say it is."

"I just ask myself why he didn't tell me so," she admits. "Where was the problem?"

"I guess we don't have to understand that from time to time."

"I felt disappointed."

"That's normal."

"That sucks!" Cuddy says and Addison raises her glass before she empties it again.

***

Stacy never thought about the moment when she'll face Cuddy. They never had any problem with each other, but somehow it seems to be different this time. There are only seven weeks left until she'll have to fly to Princeton to attend the trial.

She can't imagine when she saw Wilson for the last time, but she never expected to face him in a trial. A trial that's about him.

When Stacy left, Lisa knew what happened between them and Stacy always knew that there was something going on between House and Cuddy. Not while they were together, but before her. When Laurie told her about that today, or better said struggled with telling her, it hit her but she did her best to pretend it didn't. Of course she knew or suspected it but to literally hear it is another thing. She walks through her house in the darkness with Bailey on her arms. She woke up several times and refused to go to sleep again.

What did Lisa say when House told her the truth? That she was the one telling him the truth about the whole thing. And to the fact that she's even here. Stacy admits that it might sound a little suspicious that he goes to the other side of the country and suddenly she's there too. If she's Lisa, she would surely think about that.

Despite that she doesn't even know if Greg told her that they met each other. But why should he hide it? There's no reason to do that.

But what about her? She can't appear in Princeton even though nothing ever happened. That could lead to some unwanted, awkward situations for the case that Greg didn't tell Lisa the truth.

She takes a deep breath, glad that there are still seven weeks left to think about what to do. She walks up the stairs slowly because Bailey finally fell asleep and when she lays her in her bed she prays that'll sleep at least until dawn.

She watches her sleeping peacefully and listens to the silence in the house. Sometimes she loved it but it can also be scary. And it makes her feel lonely. Knowing that there's no one waiting for her in the bed when she crawls back in after taking care for Bailey, when she comes home from work the house is silent.

When she came her, she was positive about everything but she didn't consider the loneliness. She goes back to bed and tells herself that it'll pass one day.

***  
He sat down on the piano quite a while ago only to play a few notes every once in a while. He couldn't concentrate on it. His thoughts keep on going back to Lisa.

He always wanted to be on his on, most of the time he preferred to be alone. And now that he is alone, he realizes that it is not what he wants. Not even he.

When he told anyone else that he doesn't need them and wants to be alone, he always knew that they're there. If he feels like having company, someone would be there. But now there's the disappointing feeling that there's no one left.

Suddenly there's no choice because there is no one and he hated the feeling of really being alone but he doesn't know what to do about it.

***

After dinner they lay down on the huge bed, watching the sky outside and keep on talking.

"You know and when I sat on the stairs," Lisa starts to explain, already a bit drunk at that time. "I had to leave. I felt like I would drown if I stay."

"Does he know where you are?"

"No," she says and sounds sad. Addison lifts her head and looks at her.

"Tell me you're lying," she says and Lisa shakes her head. "You ever considered that he might look for you?"

"Don't be so reproachful, this is hard enough!" Lisa says whiny.

"You plan to go back?"  
"Of course!"  
"Good," she says and she knows her too good to know that there's something else she wants to say.

"What?" Lisa asks him.

"I wanna see him," she says and without looking up she knows that she's smiling.

"You mean like checking him out?" Lisa asks with a raised eyebrow.

"Yeah."

"You're crazy."

"I never saw him before, I just wanna know who he is," she says. "Come on!"

"Do that," Lisa says and closes her eyes for a moment, feeling a light nausea kicking in.

"So," Cuddy begins after a few seconds. "What's going on in Seattle?"

"Dunno," she answers and Cuddy looks at her with a questioning look on her face. "I life in Los Angeles now," Addison tells her.

"You do?" Cuddy asks surprised. "Why?"

"Well," Addison starts. "There was Derrick and there was Marc. Derrick's girlfriend Meredith, Derrick again, Alex and Marc," she says and lets a few seconds pass by before she goes on.

"Alex?"

"Resident," she says and they laugh. "I had to go away. I really needed something new and something that's different."

"What are you doing in Los Angeles now?"

"I work in a practice called "Ocean Side Center" Naomi and Sam run it," Addison tells her.

"Oh really? I just remember that they planned to do that!"

"They did."

"Is it better?" Cuddy asks and corrects herself. "Or better said easier?"

Addison turns her head and faces her. "No," she says and they laugh.

"Who made you run away?" Cuddy wants to know, with a teasing smile on her lips. "Come on, I know you."

"Pete and Archer."

"Oh My God how's your brother doing?"

"Great. Pretty sure of himself though. Still the same person like he was in college," Cuddy smiles.

"And Pete?"

"Pete is a specialist for alternative medicine," Addison explains.

"Wow," Cuddy comments.

"He's sweet."

"And?" Cuddy wants to know.

"He kissed me."

""And?" Cuddy asks again.

"Nothing more," Addison says and sighs. "I cried before he kissed me."

"And that's all that happened?"

"Yes. Until then we keep on dancing around each other somehow."

"Who do you work with?" Cuddy asks.

"Well, there's Naomi and Sam, still remember the two?"

"Yes."

"They're divorced now but can't get rid of each other emotionally. They still run the practice together. There's Pete the alternative medicine specialist and the therapist Violet. Her best friend is Cooper. He's the pediatrician. While Violet secretly loves him, he has something going on with Charlotte who leads the hospital we cooperate with."

"Sounds as complicated as it is around here.

"Somehow it does, yes," she says. "Oh, and there's Dell. He's our receptionist and about to become a nurse," she says and decides not to mentioned the fact that he had a crush on Naomi.

Addison leans forward to get some more wine and passes Cuddy her glass.

"And we," she says and lifts her glass. "Are two woman in our early forties who will probably never get children on their own and like to fall for complicated men," she says.

"That's it," Cuddy says and they empty their glasses.

They let a few minutes pass by in silence when they both turn their heads to look at each other.

"I love your hair,"Cuddy says and giggles.

"You're drunk," Addison says.

"Yes, and desperate!" Cuddy says and they laugh.

"We'll figure that out."

"Fine, but there's another problem."

"Which is?"

"I need doctors! Good ones! My Head of Oncology got arrested and my best Neurosurgeon is seriously ill, so he retired!"

"Poor you," Addison says without the slightest trace of pitifulness in her voice.

"I can't afford that!" Cuddy tells her. "Oncologist shouldn't be a problem."

"But the Neurosurgeon?"

"Seems so," Cuddy says. "And where the hell do I get one now?"

"Open your eyes," Addison tells her after a few moments.

"I did. It didn't help," she says and Addison hits her arm softly.

"I'm serious. Didn't you tell me earlier that his daughter is a great neurosurgeon?"

Suddenly Cuddy sits up and looks at her. Why didn't she think of that before?

"When you have her there, he doesn't need to travel through the whole country to see his daughter. And his ex-girlfriend who lives there, don't forget that!"

"Actually I like Stacy."

"That's not the point now, we just pretend you don't right now."

"Okay."

"And your problem is solved, where is the problem?" Addison asks.

"I could at least ask her."

"That's good. But first of all, we have to go back."

"Okay."

"Really?"

"Yes," she answers and the women keep their mouth shut until they fall asleep.


	29. You could be happy

Chapter 29 – You could be happy

On her way to work, she decided to call Cuddy and ask how she's doing. She waits a couple of minutes, but there's no response. Seems like her mobile is dead.

For some reason she doesn't like this and something tells her that Greg had reason not to tell her what happened, this couldn't have been just a little banter.

She throws her mobile in her back and tells herself to call Greg as soon as she gets the time to do it.

***

She keeps her eyes closed when she wakes up and feels the warm sun tingling on her face. She tries to relax a few more minutes and when she turns around, she realizes that the other side of the bed is empty. She sits up and sees Addison sitting on the porch, staring at the ocean.

"Good morning," she says and sits down in the chair beside her.

"Morning," Addison answers with a smile. "I really missed it," she says a little melancholy when looks back at the ocean.

"I thought you have the ocean right in front of your house in L.A?"

"Yes, but it's different. I kinda grew up here. In L.A I'm just another stranger walking through the streets, but here I feel like not being a stranger even though I probably don't know anyone."

Lisa smiles and watches the ocean as well.

"I understand."

"As much as I hate it from time to time I know that I'll always come back one day," Addison explains.

"Do you regret that you left?" Cuddy wants to know.

"Sometimes," Addison says. "I always hated the weather in Seattle for example."

"But I think it's the same weather over here."

"No, Seattle is even worse, believe me!"

"You want a coffee?" Lisa asks.

"Sure."

"Do we even have something for breakfast? I didn't take much with me when I came."

"I doubt that," Addison says and Cuddy checks the fridge.

"Nothing. I'll go and get something."

"You want me to join you?"

"No it's okay," Cuddy says. "I'll be back in a few minutes."

"See you later," Addison says and leans back in the chair when she hears the door being closed.

***

"Hey," she says softly when he picks up the phone.

"Hello," he says and she hears him talking to someone else.

"Am I disturbing you?" she wants to know.

"No, I just talked to one of my assistants."

"I tried to call Lisa," she says and waits a moment to give him the chance to say something but he doesn't. "She didn't pick up the phone."

House sighs, the fear inside of him grows and Detective Benson didn't call so far.

"What happened?" she asks seriously but calm.

In a short way he tells her what really happened, still not telling he why Wilson was arrested.

"But why didn't you tell her so?"

"Don't be so reproachful," he says. "I didn't think it'd be such a big deal."

"Women want to know things like that."

"Thanks, I'll keep that in my mind for the next time," he says, asking himself if there'll be a next time.

"I hope so," she says. "Are you okay?"

"Yes," he lies. "I gotta go now, sorry," he says.

"It's okay, have a nice day."

"Thanks," he says and puts the phone down.

***

She walks through the little supermarket to get some things for breakfast. They won't need more because they planned to go back to Princeton this afternoon. Somehow she still didn't like that thought but she knows that she has to go back.

When she reaches the fruits, she sees a woman standing next to the apples and she remembers that it is Detective Benson. She was there when Wilson was arrested.

Lisa walks around the fruits and check her appearance in the mirror, she can't even remember when she went out in her sleeping clothes the last time.

Detective Benson looks up and smiles when she sees Lisa.

"Hello," she says friendly and Lisa approaches.

"Good morning," Lisa answers. "How are you?"

"Can't complain," she says. "What about you? Getting used to the whole thing?"

"I guess so," Lisa says.

"You're being missed," the Detective says and Lisa looks up, a questioning look on her face.

"Excuse me?"

"Your boyfriend called me yesterday evening, because he was afraid that something happened but you seemed to be disappeared," she says and Lisa bits her lip.

"I'm sorry," Lisa says.

"Don't tell me that," she says with a soft smile.

"I know. Now I feel even more miserable."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to do that," Benson tells her.

"No, no, don't get me wrong. Thank you very much for telling me that."

"Not that it's any of my business, but will you go back? He sounded really worried, if you don't you should at least tell him so."

"I will," Lisa answers. "I will, I guess I just needed some time for myself."

"That's good."

"So, it was nice to see you but my friend probably waits for her breakfast."

"I wish you a nice day," the Detective says and Lisa picks some fruits.

"I'm back," Lisa says when she enters the house. Addison already laid the table for breakfast on the porch.

"Great, I'm already starving," she says and takes the bag from Lisa.

Lisa looks at the ocean, not listening to what Addison says because she's lost in thoughts.

"Hey, are you even listening to me?" Addison asks and touches her arm.

"I'm sorry," Lisa says and tries to remember what Addison said just for the case that she might ask.

"What's going on?" she asks.

"I met the detective in the mall earlier," Cuddy says. "She was there when Wilson was arrested."

"And what did she say?" Addison asks curiously.

"She said Greg called her, because he missed me and he sounded a bit afraid," Lisa says and the guilt cuts into her like a sharp knife.

"You know that you have to go back, don't you?" she says seriously.

"Yes," she answers with a calm voice.

"Let's just finish breakfast," Addison says and leans back in her chair. After a few minutes of silence, she asks:"So, you made up your mind?"

"About what?"

"I thought you need a new doctor?" she reminds Lisa.

"Oh, that," Lisa says and thinks about it. "I might ask him first, but why not?" she says and a smile appears on Addison's face.

***

"You're going to Princeton soon, won't you?" Elin asks.

"Yeah," Stacy answers and gives Bailey a cookie.

"How do you feel?"

"About going to Princeton?" Stacy wants to know. "I don't feel good about facing one of my best friends in a trial..."

"Oh yeah," Elin says but this was obviously not the thing she meant. "And what about him?"

"I knew there's something else..." Stacy says and grins.

"So?"

"Nothing," she simply answers.

"Don't believe you," Elin says with a teasing smile on her face.

"Course you don't..." Stacy says. "I don't know what to think."

"But you said it was better this time, when you met him."

"Yes," she says. "It was. The only thing that makes me worrying a little is his girlfriend."

"Oh..." Elin says. "What are you afraid of?"

"Well I like her, she's an amazing person, but..."

"But?" Elin wants to know.

"She... she always wanted a child..." Stacy begins and Elin understand her.

"You feel guilty?"

Stacy nods and wishes she wouldn't because there's no reason to be.

"You don't have to be, you know that don't you?" Elin says. "But I have to admit that I understand it in some way, but you should drop it."

"I'll try," Stacy answers and smiles.


	30. Stranger in a strange land

Chapter 30 – Stranger in a strange land

They sit in her car, Lisa insisted on walking but Addison thought that they'll be home faster when they take her car.

"Nervous?" Addison asks with a light smile on her face.

"You're enjoying this?"

"A bit now," she admits. "I'm just curious because I'll finally see this guy."

Cuddy laughs.

"How's he like? Tell me something about him?"

"He's very handsome man, he can be very demanding but soft at the same time. He can be very rude with strangers or he was. He changed," Cuddy says.

"Okay..." Addison says and laughs.

"He knows that he's a very good doctor," Lisa tells her.

"Sounds interesting," Addison comments on that.

"People tend to hate him when they see him for the first time," Cuddy says.

"Really?"

"Well, goes for patients. Already had a couple of them who reacted like this," Cuddy explains.

"But you said he changed," Addison adds.

"Yes."

"Tell me how," she wants to know.

"He... he's softer now. Easier to handle," Lisa says and smiles.

They reach Lisa's house only a few minutes later.

"Can't even remember how long it's ago," Addison says thoughtful with a look at Lisa's house.

"Don't worry, nothing really changed," Cuddy says and leans against the car next to Addison to look at her house.

"What do you think how will he react?" Addison asks and turns her head to look at her friend.

"I wish I'd know. I'm scared," Cuddy admits.

"Okay, let me go there first. Just come later," Addison tells her and Cuddy isn't sure whether to believe it or not.

"I thought that was a joke," Lisa says.

"Not really," Addison tells her. "I was serious."

"You can't be!"

"Why not?"

"We're not twenty anymore," Lisa says and watches her friend who seems to like this a lot and Lisa tries best to hide a smile. She missed her so much.

"And?" Addison wants to know.

"What and?"

"Doesn't matter Liz. I'll go now. You go in your house, get changed take a shower whatever you feel like doing. Do it now and come to the hospital in an hour or so," she says and before Lisa can hold her back, she walks around the car, gets in and waves a last goodbye at Cuddy.

"You're really unbelievable," Cuddy says more to herself while she watches Addison leaving when she's out of sight she turns around to go into the house.

When she enters her house, she closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath. She was away for only a few days but it was different. It wasn't a feeling of being on vacation, but a time she needed for herself to find out what she wants and what not.

This moments reminds her of the fact that the feeling of coming home is one of the most wonderful things that exist. It's a place where you feel safe, a place where you can hide.

She feels nervous, afraid that she ruined everything with running away. But he was looking for me, she tells herself all the time.

She does what Addison told her and takes a shower. Maybe this will calm her down before she'll go and see him. Should she really go to the hospital or wait until he'll be home. It's almost afternoon and there's not much time left until his shift is finished, but she doesn't know how many patients he has to treat and what's going on in the hospital at all.

***

Addison enters the hospital and looks around, quite impressed. It looks a lot more interesting then the Seattle Grace did. It isn't white all over just like those typical hospitals. She actually can't complain about the Oceanside Wellness center, but after all this is not a hospital.

She walks into the entrance hall and thinks about the fact that Lisa told her what he's like but she doesn't have any idea how he looks like.

"Excuse me," she says when a young doctor approaches. "I'm looking for doctor House," Addison says.

"Are you a patient?" Thirteen wants to know. "How can I help you?"

"Oh, no," Addison replies friendly. "I'm not a patient. I just need to talk to him, do you know where I can find him?"

"I think he's in his office," Thirteen answers. "This way," she says and points to the right direction.

"Thank you very much," Addison says friendly and walks off.

It wasn't difficult to find a glass door that said "Dr. Gregory House" and much to her pleasure she sees a man sitting in the office behind his desk.

She knocks politely but doesn't wait for an answer and enters the office.

"Dr. House?" she asks friendly and approaches.

"Yes," he answers. "And you are?"

"Dr. Addison Montgomery," she says and hold out her hand. After considering it for a moment, he shakes it and she sits down in the chair in front of the desk. "I'm a neonatal surgeon from Los Angeles, I heard you got a case that might interest me," she says and tries not to laugh because he doesn't know what she's talking about at all. She looks at him and thinks that he looks tired.

"I'm the Head of Diagnostics as you might've seen," he says and points at the door.

"Oh," she says and tries to come up with something more.

"Where do you work?" he wants to know, not sure whether to believe her or not.

"Oceanside Wellness Center in Los Angeles," she answers.

"You're a neonatal surgeon and work in a Wellness Center?" he asks and raises an eyebrow.

"It's just called Wellness Center, because we also have doctors for alternative medicine, a therapist, a paediatrician and an endocrinologist," she explains.

"Interesting," he says and leans back in his chair and looks at her.

"Well, I guess it's a mistake now. I think I'll go," she begins but he cuts her off.

"But before you go, you'll tell me why you came."

"I did," she begins and tries to hide her frustration about the failed conversation.

"No you didn't," he says and gives her a teasing file.

"How do you know?" she wants to know and leans back too.

"Doctors don't come to my office and tell me they wanna work on one of my cases," he begins. "You talk to Dr. Cuddy first," he says and she gives him a capitulating smile.

"Right," she answers.

"And despite that, as a neonatal surgeon, which you claim to be, you might know that I don't take care of such cases, so what do you want?" he asks.

"Wanted to see who you are," she answers honestly.

"Why that honour?" he asks and the tone of his voice tells her that he still doesn't take her completely serious.

"I heard a lot of things and I wanted to see if they're true," she says and decides not to tell him what her real reasons are.

He seems to be a nice man but he also seems to be tired. Maybe because he didn't sleep much, maybe because of a certain situation or because he's worried.

"Can you prove them now?" he asks.

"Maybe," she answers. "Are you worried?"

"Any of your business?" he asks.

"Could be," she says. "But whatever it is, don't be," she tells him and stands up to leave.  
"What do you mean?" he asks and sits upright.

"Just don't be worried anymore," she says and leaves his office, leaving a confused House back.

***

Stacy decided to take Bailey to the park and sits down on a bench in the sun, watching her playing in the sand with other children. She remembers the time back in Princeton when she walked past the playground after work, feeling sad every time she watched the mothers and their children and now she became one of them and she realized that it's the best decision she ever made.

A few times before, she walks through the park with her daughter, feeling like a stranger in a land that every body already knows, but she must find her place.

And she's sure she will find her place. Sooner or later, they won't just be two strangers in a big park that will leave when the sun starts to set and no one even noticed they were there.

They would be a part of it all one day.

Stacy enjoys watching her daughter playing with other children, it causes this wonderful feeling of happiness inside her chest and there's nothing in this world that can cause a feeling like this.

"Hey," she hears someone says saying and turns around to see who talked to her.

"Hello," she says with a smile and faces Laurie who seems a little breathless.

"Needed to clear your mind?" Stacy asks.

"Yeah sort of," Laurie says and takes a battle of water out of her bag.

"Wanna sit down?"  
"Sure, why not," Laurie says and sits down beside her and looks at Bailey who looked up when she sat down.

She drops her toy and crawls toward Laurie.

"Hey little girl," Laurie says and goes to her knees in front of the bench to welcome Bailey. She sits down in Laurie's lap and starts to occupy herself with the bottle of water.

"She seems to like you," Stacy says and watches the two of them.

"She's such a sweet girl," Laurie says and lays her arms around the little girl.

Stacy watches them and leans back, she can't believe what she missed all the previous years in which she thought she never wants children.

And all sudden she doesn't feel like a lonely stranger anymore. Laurie causes the feeling of comfort inside of her. The feeling that she's not alone in the strange place.

"Looks good," Stacy says after a while.

Laurie laughs. "I'm not quite sure," she says and looks at the baby in her arms. She remembers the conversation that they had a few days back and suddenly it seems a little easier to laugh about it.

"Why not?" she asks,

"I may do everything wrong," she says and looks at Stacy with a certain warmth inside her heart.

This time Stacy laughs. "Don't worry about that, it passes."

"That's good to know."

***  
"Don't be worried about it anymore," she told him. He keeps on hearing her words in his mind, trying to figure out what she meant with saying that. He stands on the balcony in the hospital and looks at the horizon far away.

Who was she and what does she know? Did she talk about Lisa?

There's a heavy feeling inside of his chest when he thinks about her and he thinks that there's nothing worse but feeling that helpless with the fear that something happened to the woman you love and it feels like there's nothing you can do. He wants to talk to that doctor again. He has to ask her what she wanted to tell him, he's bothered with himself because he didn't asked her when she was there.  
He walks back in and with a glance at the clock he realizes that his shift is about to end soon. Maybe she will be there tonight.

***

Laurie left a while ago because the hospital called her in. There was an emergency where she'd be needed. She enjoyed talking to her as usual and a part of her is sad that she had to leave. But maybe it's a good thing. She needs to clear her mind because Elin promised to show up later and she really needs some time for herself.

By the time Elin arrives, Bailey is taking a nap in her pram because playing the whole days was pretty exhausting for her little girl.

"How was your day?" Elin asks because she noticed that Stacy doesn't talk a lot since she arrived.

"I had a day off and spent almost the whole day in the park with my daughter," she tells her with a smile.

"What about yours?" she wants to know and faces Elin.

"Can't complain," Elin answers. "Boring but it has been worse. It's time for the trial soon."

"Yeah," Stacy says.

"Actually for both of them. The one that concerns the happenings in your hospital will take place before you'll fly to Princeton," Elin tells her. "Got the information today. The date was changed for some reason," she keeps on talking and Stacy nods.

"Okay."  
"I really don't know why they did it," Elin says. "Maybe they want to be through with it as fast as possible," she says and realizes that Stacy isn't even listening.

"What's going on?" she asks and turns her head to look at her friend.

"Have you ever had feelings you shouldn't have?" she asks calm but sad at the same time. This sounds so ridiculous that she also might laugh at it. And it makes her feeling ashamed of herself.

"Well..." Elin begins and tries to think about an good answer.

"I mean feelings you really shouldn't have?" Stacy asks again and sounds a little desperate this time.

"I guess that happens from time to time," Elin answers and leans back to watch the sunset in silence.

***

Addison called her earlier after she met him, but she didn't really tell Lisa anything. All she said is that she would go back to her house at the beach tonight because she forgot something, but somehow Lisa thinks that it's just an excuse not to be there tonight. But she promised to be back in the morning

She decided not to go to the hospital. She felt too afraid all the time that she stayed at home. Grieving to herself, feeling like a stranger who tries to hide from something.

She was a coward all the time and she ran away, which was the most stupid thing she probably ever did in her life. She still doesn't know what to expect and how he will react and this scares her but she knows that she can't wait forever because one day he will be gone.

When she walks out of the house, because she needs some fresh air, she feels more angry with herself then ever. She shouldn't be standing there even though nothing ever happened.

She walks down toward the street to go to his apartment and wait until he comes home, because they might need some privacy at first.

What Lisa doesn't know is that he just finished his shift and is on his way to her house to wait for her to come home.


	31. What about now?

Chapter thirty-one: What about now?

_Shadows fill an empty heart_

_As love is fading_

_From all the things that we are_

_But not saying._

_Can we see beyond the scars_

_And make it to the dawn?_

He can't help but feel disappointed and hurt when he walks toward her house only to see that it's dark again, but despite that he approaches.

With a closer look he realizes that something did change. He looks into her living room to realize that things had been changed.

Suddenly there's a spark of hope inside of him and he sits down on the porch just like he did all those previous nights and evenings.

He knew the doctor wanted to give him a sign earlier this day and right now he doesn't care who she was and why she was there at all, but what he knows is that he told him some things that gave him a trace of hope back and he hopes that this hope won't be a false one.

He isn't sure whether he could stand it again.

Is she really back? But where has she been and what happened to her? He's still angry. With her and with himself because of what happened. Angry with her because she ran away like this and because he lied to her. There's a huge disappointment inside of him and there's also pain. But despite all those feelings, all he wants to do is to close her in his arms and to see that she's doing alright. This is not the time to act like nothing can ever get close to him.

This is not the right time to act like he always did because he finally realized what he got when he met Stacy. This is one of the reasons why he loved to see her again.

She showed him not to give it up again. He should've learned from their former mistakes and not to make the same ones again.

He can't risk to loose the woman he loves again. When he was in a relationship with Lisa a long time ago, even before Stacy, he hurt her and it tore their whole relationship apart and it took them nearly twenty years to start to recover from their break-up and he can't let this happen again.

***  
She reaches his house only to see that there's a disappointing darkness inside.

The pain inside her chest is almost unbearable and she sits down on the little step in front of the house.

What did she expect? At least she expected that he would be home, she relied on that but now that he isn't there, it feels like a slap in the face. One she probably deserves.

She never considered how he might feel when he comes to her house only to find it empty with no sign of where she can be.

She sits on the cool step and leans her head on her right arm, watching the people walking by. There's a chilling breeze outside and from time to time she thinks that it might start raining, but she knows for sure that she'll wait, no matter how long she'll have to sit in front of his apartment.

While she waits she decides to call his mobile but she left hers at home and she wouldn't go back, not until he arrived.

She wraps her arms tightly around her body because it got very windy and she asks herself why the hell it has to start raining now, after all it was a nice day.

The time passes by and her hope fades with every moment. She's got too much time to think be angry with herself, too much time to grieve about all the things that went wrong.

She watches single raindrops falling to the ground when her eyes flood with tears and she doesn't bother to wipe them away.

***

It's late when he decides to leave for today.

His feelings became more indescribable with every moment he sat on her porch, waiting for her to come home.

Sometimes he asked himself what he did that she just ran away, but then he remembers that there are a lot of things that he did. Reasons why she could've ran away years before but she never did so. But why now?

He doesn't know what to think and every time he tries to figure out an answer, he fails to find one. He stands up and takes his time with walking to the street, maybe she'll here soon. What if he'll miss her when he leaves now?

The rain got stronger by the time he gets closer to his home and from the distance he sees someone sitting in front of his home. For a moment he isn't sure but suddenly his heart stops beating for a second.

Is it really her? He stops his bike a couple of meters away and fastens his steps when he approaches and she looks up.

For a moment the time seems to stand still. He looks into her eyes. They're red from crying. She looks tired and she doesn't speak when he stands in front of her.

He goes down to his knees in front of her, trying to be careful with his legs, their faces only inches apart from each other.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers and fresh tears run down her cheeks, becoming one with the rain."I'm so sorry," she whispers tearful and he takes her face in his hands and looks at her.

"Never do that again," he whispers. "Never ran away from me again," he says and she lays her arms around him, holding him close. It didn't sound like a threat, he was afraid all the time.

She lays her head on his shoulder and starts to cry, her body shivering because of her sobs. And because she might feel cold because the rain already soaked through her clothes completely.

"Let's get you in," he says much softer then he expected him to be. He takes her hand and helps her standing up to lead her inside.

She follows him without a word and tries to stop crying. She manages to calm herself down a little and tries not to shiver because it became colder than she thought it would be.

He takes her face between his hands again, feeling her cold skin.

"You have to get out of your wet clothes," he says softly and she nods.

He starts to take off her jacket slowly and puts it aside. He follows her into the bathroom and sits down on the bathtub when she pulls off her wet clothes.

He handles her a towel so she can keep herself warm and she sits down beside him.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers again and he pulls her closer, laying an arm around her.

"I know you are," he answers and means it. She leans his head against his shoulder and he closes his eyes for a moment.

He enjoys the warmth of her body even though he skin still feels a little cold. He inhales her scent and thanks God that nothing happened to her.

"It's late," he says in a low but soft voice.

"Yes," she says and knows that both of them are too tired to talk about what happened tonight.

"I'll be right there," he says and she enters his bedroom she sits down on the edge of the bed.

***  
This afternoon, Stacy had the date confirmed. There are only eight weeks left until it's time to return to Princeton. It's not only that she keeps on thinking about Lisa although there's no reason to, but it's also the first time she'll return after leaving Marc.

What if she'll run into him? She almost laughs at this thought because Princeton is a big city and actually he lives in Short Hills, but she's not sure whether he still lives there and actually she doesn't care, but what if?

She never thought about that. She never thought about the moment when she'll meet him, because it could always happen.

Would she greet him and go on? Or would she just walk away without even facing him, trying to hide the embarrassment although she doesn't regret her decision?

She doesn't know what she'd do, but what she knows is that she has to let it go.

Her new life started and she enjoys it more then ever and she has to look forward to go on.

***  
She takes one of his shirts that lay at the end of the bed and takes it on. She takes a deep breath and inhales his scent as well, asking herself what she thought when she ran away. She missed him so much, more than she thought she would.

She lays down on the soft pillows and listens to his movements while he approaches.

He enters the room and sits down on the age of the bed and watches her without a word, a tired smile on his face. She also notices the slight trace of sadness in his eyes.

He raises a hand and touches her cheek.

"I was afraid," he says, his voice is calm but serious.

She bits her lip and tries to think about an answer, but he goes on before she says something.

"I was afraid that I finally lost you," he says and let's a few moments pass by until he goes on. "And I don't know what to do without you," he tells her, the sound of his voice is sad and Lisa tries to breathe calmly.

She knows that it costs him a lot of strength to tell her this and suddenly it feels like it's breaking her heart.

"What if something happened to you?" he asks her but doesn't give her a chance to answer the question.

"Never ran away again, do you hear me?" he tells her. "No matter what happens, don't run away from me again," he says and she nods.

He lays down and lays his arm around her, holding her close and Lisa leans back in his arms, enjoying the presence she was longing for.

"Where is this going to end up?" he asks silently, more to himself.

"I don't know," Lisa whispers and she bits her lip when the tears start to fall down her cheeks.

He pulls her even closer and breathes a kiss on her neck, feeling her sobs while he holds her until she falls asleep.

He isn't sure where this will end up and if they'll able to get through it.

They went to a lot of troubles together but what if they aren't strong enough this time? It only takes seconds to change everything that happened the decade before. They both know it.

What if something happens tomorrow? No matter what and suddenly he'll lay in his bed without her, wishing she would return someday.

He can't say what'll happen and sometimes he thinks that it's better not to know things like that.

Maybe it's better to enjoy what they have at the moment, because they can never know what'll happen in the morning.

Couldn't it always be their last day? The thought makes it hard to breathe but he knows that it's true.

He never really thought about it thoroughly but suddenly he thinks about Laurie's bets friend.

When he went to work in the morning, he didn't expect that someone would enter the hospital with a gun and he didn't expect that this would be his last day.

Without the chance to do what you always wanted to do, without the chance to say goodbye.

The same could happen to them. They work in a hospital, what if something like this happens one day?

He knows that he shouldn't think about it, but he can't stop it. He can't be everywhere, he can't protect her all the time and although he knows that Lisa is a grown-up woman who knows how to take care of herself perfectly well, this thought scares him.

It could always happen tomorrow. Maybe next week or in a couple of years.

But what about now?


	32. Alexander Daniel Lang

_He was born on August 27th in Raleigh, North Carolina. He grew up in a small suburbia of the town. Alexander is a single child who never had a lot of friends. He had problems with other children and most of the time, he liked to be with himself. Even in kindergarten, he separated himself from other children._

_When Alex was five years old, his family moved to San Francisco, because his father got a new job there. The new home was something he had to get used to and his parents thought that it would help, but nothing really changed._

_He was still very quiet and his parents were really desperate about it. They loved their son, they gave him everything he wanted, tried to protect him from all the harm around him._

_He never played with the toys in his room. He had so many things that everything bored him after a while._

_When he entered primary school, he still had problems with getting in contact with others, because he never learned to handle that. Alex seemed to be frustrated, because his classmates mocked him. He reacted with aggression and was punished for it again and again. He didn't know what to do instead and his parents were helpless as well._

_They never punished their son for anything he did, because they hoped it would pass._

_At the age of twelve he repeated the term, because he had problems with concentrating on the important things and his grades got worse._

_He appeared to feel better and the parents thought their decision was great, because their son changed. But the only positive thing for Alex was the fact that he was the oldest in class. He suddenly seemed to have more power._

_At that time, he was in therapy too. It seemed to help because his grades got better and he finally found some friends. His relationships weren't deep or long lasting, but at least he had some social contacts._

_Six months later, his parents decided that their son doesn't need therapy anymore. Against all advises of the therapist, they stopped it._

_Alexander seemed to be fine, but deep inside he was very irritated. Still aggressive. Again and again, he missed his old home in North Carolina._

_The city is something he never got used to and he started to hate his parents for moving away._

_At the age of sixteen, he had problems with trusting others and opening up to them and he was quiet again. His parents declared this as a typical problem of his age and there's no need to re-start therapy._

_When he was eighteen, he decided to become a cop, just like his father. In the three years before he was allowed to enter the Police Academy, he became a keenly student._

_Due to the fact that he decided to follow his father job wise, his father was very proud of his son. Alex got his full attention._

_A few years later, he was one of the best students at the Academy and no one ever thought about the quiet little boy again._

_No one ever thought of the rage that he kept inside._

_After graduating, he worked in the San Francisco Police Department. He worked in his own little district with a few colleagues who became friends with the time. They kept their district save as good as possible. In a city like San Francisco, nothing was perfect of course. But it always seems to be when everything else will be hidden under the surface._

_Alex never had long lasting relationships with women although he was a real gentleman. Or appeared to be. Most of the time he was the one who ended relationships. It was hard to believe why he did this, he never understood it. He didn't want to be alone, but he was also uncomfortable with them around._

_The years passed by and all his friends got married, but he was still alone. It made him feel frustrated. More and more he started to separate himself from them again. He never had any hobbies so he started to spent time in his office when no one else was there._

_He had to much to think and go through old cases. There were the usual criminals, people he arrested more than once. Homicide, drug dealing, violence. The list seemed to be endless and it made him angry. And this anger increased with every case he read._

_During the days, he felt less empathy for the victims and found excuses for not joining his friends on their boring dinner parties._

_One night, on his way home, he saw a brawl on the other side of the street._

_He parked his car at the other side of the street. He saw two of the three men running away, but Alexander didn't bother with chasing them. Instead, he arrested the one who was left. He didn't even ask what happened._

_The man didn't look hurt so there's no need to call an ambulance. Against the man's protests, he put him under arrest and watched him with a satisfied smile from his chair._

_He was the stronger one this time and he enjoyed his power._

_Alex knew he had no right to keep the man arrested, but he didn't care. There was no one to control that until next morning._

_Around ten the next morning, a young woman came into the police station, a sleeping child on her arm.  
She looked worried and tired._

_Her husband didn't return home last night and she was scared and after a long discussion, she was allowed to see him._

_She begged the police officer to let her husband go home, because he might lose his job with not coming to work and they need the money to pay the medical bills, because their child is sick._

_Darleen Sanson knew that the officer had no right to keep her husband imprisoned. She wasn't stupid so she contacted his boss._

_The next day, Alexander Daniel Lang was ordered to the major police department._

_He boss wasn't pleased about the incident and it hadn't been the first time that people complained about him. He put him on compulsive vacation._

_And only a few days later, he was on his way to the San Francisco Memorial Hospital with a loaded gun on the passenger's seat of his car._

He was angry with the stupid woman. He lost her job because she told his boss about the incident. He knows that their child is sick so she'll be at the hospital and when he entered the ambulance, he didn't care if she's the only one in there.

A couple of weeks later, he waits for the judge to return with his official punishment. He doesn't know what to think. To the outside, he's still the strong man, the powerful man he was when he arrested Mr. Sanson but deep inside he's scared to death about the punishment.

As soon as the judge is finished, he knows that his life will be over soon. He would die in prison and they would find out that he's a cop.

Stacy watches him while he's lead out of the courtroom. She's relieved that she finally got through this one, so there's only one left and she knows that the worst is still about to happen. This case is different, it didn't affect her personally. There's not the slightest trace of an emotion inside of her since the judge read out the punishment and she's glad that Laurie decided not to join her because it would've been a step backwards.


	33. Gone with the Wind

Chapter thirty-three: Gone with the wind

_A few weeks later..._

She walks through the huge terminal that is flooded with sunlight, a smile on her face. She just arrived in Princeton with her daughter.

She's glad that everything is fine so far but she has to admit that she didn't expect that traveling with a little kid can be quite strenuous. There are a couple of more things to pay attention to but she managed it quite well.

Stacy tells herself to thank her mum for persuading her to take her daughter's pram with her. Actually she was against it, but now she's quite happy about it.

She'll stay at her parents house for the few days, they're on a holiday although her mum finally wanted to see her grand-child.

Stacy wanted to surprise them by showing up with her but Bailey got sick so they couldn't fly. Of course she told her much her little secret later, but she's still sad about the fact that she didn't see her so far.

And there was just too much trouble the last weeks to get away and now she can't demand that her parents come back from their holiday just because of her. They'll be back in a few days and until then Stacy will stay alone in their house.

***  
He knows that there isn't much time left. During the last days, he tried not to count the days because this seems to make everything even worse. The date of his trial is approaching with fast steps and deep inside the fear starts to crawl up.

He knows that they'll all be there. This will be the first time he'll face Stacy since he told her the truth. There's no way to figure out how she'll react, how she'll behave toward him.

He feels embarrassed because of that. He spent hour for hour, revising what he did, trying to find an answer.

He never did anything stupid except this one time. And this was the worst thing he ever did. And for a very long time, this will be the very last thing he'll do.

He feels numb when he thinks about the upcoming trial. He sees it in front of his eyes. Sees his former best friend sitting in the audience. Next to him, there will be his ex-boss, he's sure about it. Maybe even his daughter will be there.

Sometimes, he feels panic and tries to breathe calmly to get this thoughts out of his head again. And after that he'll pray for the day to pass.

***

She stands on the porch, feels the wood beneath her naked feet. She loves the sound of the waves, the smell of the ocean every time the winds brings it close.

She steps from the porch, her feet dig into the soft sand with every step she takes and approaches to the water.

The cold wind caresses her face and she notices that it's pretty stormy today. Although there's not a single cloud in the sky, she hears the wind whistling from somewhere close. She looks back at the house a few meters behind her. There's nothing but the beach and another house in the distance and she enjoys the silence with all her heart.

She turns her head around and faces ocean again. A smile spreads across her face.

Only a couple of weeks earlier, she came here and her life seemed to be a total mess and there were moments in which she thought that she can't handle it anymore.

She was afraid to lose everything she had but slowly everything started to change. It was a long process, one that wasn't always easy but she feels relived now.

The smile still lasts when she watches the waves by her feet, flushing over her feet. It was all flushed away, she thinks.

"Getting a little melancholy?" she hears him asking behind her and without seeing his face, she knows that he's smiling.

She turns her head again, the wind blows a few hairs into her face and she laughs out loud.

"Yes," she answers and keeps on laughing.

A smile spreads on his face as well, because he loves the sound of her laughter and he loves the thought that she seems to be happy again and both know that the worst thing is over.

He hugs her from behind and takes a deep breath.

"What are thinking about?" he wants to know.

"Seems to be so unreal sometimes," she answers.

"I second that," he agrees and places a feather light kiss on her neck. "But don't you love it?"

"Yes, I do," she says and it's silent for a few moments.

"Do you think it was the right decision?" she wants to know and turns her head to face him.

"I hope so," he answers but this time, there isn't the slightest trace of doubt in his voice. "If that's what she really wants, I guess it will be the right decision."

"Yes," Cuddy says.

Not too long ago, Cuddy finally started to solve her problem. She needed a new neurosurgeon and to offer Laurie the job was something she thought about since Addison pointed that out to her. She always wanted a family and she knew it would be hard if a part of this family lives at the other end of the country.

She decided to give it a try and in the end Laurie agreed to move back to Princeton.

"Stacy called earlier," Lisa says after a few seconds of silence.

"She's already here?"

"Yes," Cuddy says. "She'll also be here in two days," she tells him and smiles.

"That's good."

"I can't wait to see her daughter," Lisa says and she really means it. She's happy for Stacy and she was even happier when she heard about it.

She dealt with this a few years ago and she finally realized that this chapter of her life is over. Looking back won't help her at all and she's ready to look straight ahead.

"She's cute," House says.

"You held her?" Cuddy wants to hear and sounds amused by the thought.

"Yes, but I was practically forced to do so," he says and Cuddy laughs out loud again.

***  
The last days passed by in deliberate silence. She walks through her house that starts to be emptier with every day and sighs. She still remembers the day she moved in. It seemed to be so many years again. How much things happened in this apartment?  
How many memories did she share in this rooms that had been her home for quite a few years? She opens the big window and closes her eyes when she feels the wind on her face.

She sees the Golden Gate Bridge in the distance, a sad smile on her face. She'll miss the view. She'll miss this city with all her heart.

She knows that she can always come back, but there's surely a difference between living here and just visiting the city.

Laurie knows for sure that she will come back a lot and especially the first time will be hard. She'll come to visit him every now and then, to see Harrison and Myriam because they'd been like parents to her as long as she knew them and she also loved them with all her heart.

And what about Stacy?

She will miss her, she knows that. Something kept her from telling Stacy that she'd go back to New Jersey. She wanted to make it as short as possible because she hates farewells.

Stacy is in Princeton now and a smile crosses her face when she thinks about surprising her there. During the last weeks, they both realized that their friendship is something special and it's long ago since Laurie felt so comforted.

When she walked through the streets of San Francisco yesterday, she felt like being here for the first time.

She felt like this when she moved here. Everything was new and she was amazing by everything she saw. She took everything in slowly.

And that's what she did yesterday. She walked deliberately slow through the streets, walked past her favourite places and stood on the Golden Gate Bridge to enjoy the breath-taking view once again. She smelled the salty breeze of the ocean and smiled.

And before she walked home, she decided to visit him. She was always afraid of it, but she knew she'd regret not going in the end.

She entered the silent graveyard, feeling a little nervous. Laurie held on a second when his grave was in sight. She remained standing in the light, a light tingle on her face where the warm sun touching it.

She looked at the flower in her hand and remembered how difficult it was to get a sunflower during spring but she's glad that she got his favourite flower.

Slowly she approached to his grave, trying to breathe calmly. She went down to her knees and put the flower on the grave.

"I miss you," she whispered with a sad smile and listened to the wind rustling in the leaves. She smiled when she thought that he would've laughed at her melancholy right now.

"Time to leave," she thought and left the graveyard.

She closes the window and leaves the house to bring the very last things to the airport.

_(I don't remember if her parents are mentioned in the show at some point, but it is like this in my story =)_


	34. Walk on by

"Hey guys," Addison says friendly when she opens the door.

"You have to take the key away from her," House says with a look at Cuddy.

She answers with a laugh and takes a bottle of water out of the fridge.

"Seriously," he says, but not sounding seriously. "She sold us the house, but that doesn't mean that she can walk in and out the way she likes it!"

Cuddy laughs again.

"In the kitchen," she tells Addison and faces him again.

"Everything's ready for the big dinner tonight?" Addie asks entering the room with a shopping bag in her hands.

"Almost," Cuddy says and takes the bag from here. "For the case you brought everything I asked for."

"I tried my best."

"Ever heard of something called 'doorbell'?" House asks with a look Addison.

"Ever heard of something called 'unfriendly'?" she asks in reply and laughs.

"Always a pleasure to see you," House tells her and sips his coffee. "Don't they need doctors in L.A?"

"Don't you have some work to do?" she asks and Cuddy barely listens to their conversation and at the same time she asks herself whether this can be called a conversation actually.

"It's weekend!"

"And?"

"Don't tell me boss, but I don't work during weekend usually. Only if it's really necessary," he says and a low voice and leans forward to Addison who rolls her eyes in response.

"She can hear you," Addison reminds him although they all know it.

"I don't need to hear it, I know him!" Cuddy says and leaves the room.

"Want something to drink?" he asks but remains sitting on his chair.

"I'd rather get something myself. I'm a little afraid it might be poisoned," she snaps and walks around the counter.

"Sure dear," he answers. "You would've to get it yourself in any way or did you think I will bring you something?"

I didn't expect anything," she enters and Cuddy re-enters the room.

"He's an idiot," Addison says with a smile when she walks past Cuddy and steps out on the porch.

Cuddy looks at him with a questioning look on his face, but he doesn't answer.

"You're not planning to help me?" she asks without looking up from the salad she's washing.

"Do you really want me to?" he asks, a pretending, unbelievable tone in his voice.

"Not with thinking about it twice..." she says more to herself and Addison comes back.

"Hello," House says when she stands in front of him even though they didn't see each other for the first time today.

"Hello," she answers with false surprise in her voice. "Do we know each other?"

"I don't know. We might've ran into each other some day," he tells her and Cuddy watches them, raising and eyebrow, asking herself if they're totally insane now.

"You two need some help?" she asks and shakes her help, but she can't decide whether to laugh or to throw something at them to get them back to normal.

"No," Addison says.

"Not that I know," House answers.

"I sometimes get a different impression," Cuddy whispers.

"What are you doing?" Addison wants to know and approaches.

"I heard it's called 'cooking'" Cuddy says with an ironic smile.

"She can cook?" Addison asks and turns around to face House.

"I have no idea," he answers and raises his hands even though Cuddy isn't even in the room.

"Okay did the two of you just decide to get on my nerves in unison?" she asks but can't hide a laugh and the fact that they are getting on her nerves.

"Excuse me, do we know each other?" House asks when he faces her and she throws a towel after him.

"Okay, out now. Both of you. Please, just try not to kill each other, but get out of the kitchen now. You're getting on my nerves," she tells them, still not sounding quite serious and they both left her alone in the kitchen.

When she turns around again to get something from the fridge, she hears something moving behind her.

"I said out," she says calmly, but she doesn't have the chance to say more, because she feels arms on her hips that turn her around softly and push her against the cool surface of the fridge.

He presses his lips softly on hers and she smiles before she replies the kiss and relaxes in his arms. When she feels his hand slowly sliding under her blouse, she hits his hand and gets out of the embrace.

"Out of the kitchen," she says again.

"Damn," he says and leaves.

***  
She didn't have the time to see the others when she arrived and she wasn't mad because there was no one to pick her up at the airport because she enjoys having a little time for herself in the city that will be her new home for the next couple of years at least.

Her home is still a mess but she decided to postpone unpacking her things later.

She started to get ready so that she won't be late for the dinner. On her way to their new home, she asks herself whether she'll get a chance to see Stacy because she's also in Princeton for the trial against one of her friends. And as far as she knows, her father's ex-best friend.

She pushes it away, because she decides that it's nothing she wants to deal with tonight. Tonight's time to celebrate her new life in a new city. Time to move on after all that happened the past weeks.

***  
"You're ready little girl?" she says when she puts Bailey in the pram.

It's early afternoon and it's still quite warm outside. She enjoys the weather even though the summer in San Francisco is nothing compared to the summer they have on the east coast. It's different in a couple of ways, but she still loves it.

On her way to their House, she can't help but feel nervous.

Even though Elin told her that there's nothing to be nervous about, she just can't help.

Lisa has been a good friend for so many years and Stacy knows that she always wanted children of her own. There was nothing she wanted more, but it never worked out. She felt sorry for her, because she always thought that Lisa deserves it. She would've been a wonderful mother.

Besides feeling nervous, there's also a trace of guilt inside of her.

In contrast to Lisa, she never wanted children. And now she returns as a mother after all those years. She has no idea whether she's through with that or not and how she might feel because of this.

***

Lisa watches the dinner table and thinks that everything is done now and she even managed to keep Addison and Greg quiet. They just enjoy bothering each other with weird conversations.

"At least someone here has got good manners," House says with a look at Addison when the doorbell rings and she throws crackers after him.

"Why don't you run and open the door," she suggests with a mocking smile.

"Go and drown in the ocean," he tells her and points to the open door that leads to the beach.

"I'll go," Cuddy says and leaves them back in the room.

"God, it's so nice to see you," Cuddy says when she opens the door.

"Hey Lisa," Laurie says happily and hugs her.

"They're driving me insane, I need some sane company," she says and laughs, getting out of the embrace.

"They?" Laurie asks curiously.

"A friend of mine. You'll like her," she says turns around. "Come on."

She enters the beautiful house and she thinks to hear the ocean. When she enters the living room, her face lights up and a smile crosses her face when she sees her father. This time, he stands up to hug her.

"Hey girl," he says and Laurie laughs. "You're alright?"

"Yeah, I am. Thanks," she answers. "Want something to drink?" he asks her. "There's enough time to talk," he says and Cuddy and Addison exchange a look, oppressing a laughter because of his sudden change.

"And I had to get me a drink myself," Addison calls after him.

"You're not my daughter," he tells her.

"Yes, thank God I'm not," she says more quiet but loud enough for him to hear it.

"I'm Addison Montgomery," she says friendly and introduces herself to the young woman in front of her.

"I'm Laurie House, nice to meet you," she says and takes the drink when House comes back with it.

"So, do you like your new home?" Cuddy wants to know and they sit down on the sofa around a small table that is crowded with chocolate.

"It's still a little messy and I hate unpacking, but despite that it's fine," she says with a smile.

She tells them everything about leaving San Francisco and about everything that happened since House left, because he asked for it. But he didn't ask for Stacy. Maybe he doesn't wanna talk about her tonight. Maybe he doesn't even tell her that he met Stacy so far. But Laurie knew better then to ask tonight.

After a while, the doorbell rings again and House gets up first.

"I'll get it," he says. He knows that it can only be here, they don't expect anyone else.

When he opens the door, she smiles at him and he can't help but reply the smile, because he is glad to see her.

They stare at each other for a moment until Stacy breaks the silence.

"Okay, it's not gonna be awkward," she says with a smile. "Come here," she says and they hug.

"And there's your little girl," he says. "Come in," he tells her and steps aside to let her in first.

She tries to breath calmly, ignoring the pounding heart in her chest.

Bailey leans on her shoulder with her little head and watches everything curiously. When she enters the room, the first thing she sees is Lisa walking toward her with a smile on her face.

"Oh my God," she says when she sees the little girl on her arms.

"It's so nice to see you," Lisa says and it sounds like she really means it. She hugs her with one arm, because she holds the baby with the other and Lisa kisses her softly on the cheek when she greets her.

"Thank you," Stacy replies and her doubts leave the moment she looks in her friends eyes. "And this is my daughter Bailey," Stacy says and Lisa takes her so that Stacy can meet Addison.

And before Stacy turns around again, Laurie enters the room, her heart suddenly beating faster when she sees Stacy standing in the middle of the room.

A lovely smile spreads on her lips and for a moment she feels like she's stupid to see her here because this is the very last thing she expected tonight but can't even describe how happy she is about that.

"Laurie?" Stacy asks as surprised as she is. She thought that Laurie would still be in San Francisco.

Without another word, she walks through the room and pulls Stacy in an embrace. Inhaling the scent of her perfume, the scent that she learned to love more and more the past weeks. She knows that she would miss it.

She reminds herself not to let the embrace last too long because there are still three other people watching and they all know it's going to be an unforgettable evening.


	35. Truth

Chapter 35:

"Okay, you two," Cuddy says and points at House and Addison when dinner is ready. "You two will sit as far away from each other as possible," she tells them and they both smirk, remembering how they got on her nerves earlier that day.

Laurie smiles although she doesn't know what happened. It's just fun to watch them all.

"You two need some help?" Laurie asks when Lisa turns around.

"No dear," she tells her. "You please have a look at them, so they'll still be alive when I return," she says and laughs.

"Sure," Laurie says and turn around with her chair to have them in sight. Stacy went to the kitchen with Bailey to help Lisa. And to talk of course.

They've been friends for a long time, and for some reason their friendship broke when she broke up with House and she's been really sorry about it on the long run.

"So," Laurie says and exaggerates the word. "What's going on?"

"Your father is being an idiot," Addison says, not very serious.

Laurie turns to face Greg.

"What do you have to say?" she asks him and pretends to sound professional, even though their attending couples council.

"She's consequently getting on my nerves since she's here."

"I lived here," she tells Laurie. "This was my house before I sold it to them."

"Oh," Laurie says.

"Yes, she probably put a course on the house," he says and nods in her direction.

"That's lame," Addison says and he laughs while Laurie rolls her eyes.

"Are you serious with the conversations or are you just bored?" Laurie asks. "I really hope it's the second thing."

"What's it?" Lisa asks Stacy after she watches her for a moment. She seems to think about something since she's here.

"Excuse me?" Stacy says and steps aside because Bailey crawls through the kitchen.

"You look like something's distracting you," Stacy says friendly.

"Oh," Stacy says and feels caught. "Well, it's nothing," she says and she actually decided to drop it but she knows that she'll have to say it out loud to know that she's okay with it.

"It doesn't look like nothing," Lisa says and approaches.

" I don't know how to say it. It's ridiculous," she begins and Lisa follows her gaze when Stacy looks at her daughter.

"Is it because of her? Or better said me then?" Lisa asks surprised but Stacy is glad that the happy tone in her voice didn't fade.

Stacy struggles to find the right words. "I'm sorry, I don't know what to say. I told you it's ridiculous," she says and smiles apologetically.

"There's no need to be," Lisa says and lays her hands on Stacy's shoulder, looking straight at her. "Listen," she begins. "There's no need to be sorry. I'm through with that chapter of my life since a few years and I'm happy for you, okay?" she says and Stacy knows that she's telling the truth with every word she says.

"Thank you,"Stacy says and Lisa pulls her in a soft hug. "Thank you so very much," Stacy says, feeling finally relieved.

"I missed you," Lisa says.

"I missed you too," Stacy answers and laughs silently.

They get apart and Lisa takes the bread from the counter behind her.

"You're hungry?" she asks, but doesn't wait for an answer and leaves the kitchen. Stacy watches her leaving the room, taking a deep breath. Sometimes she still things that this just can't be happening. It suddenly seems to happen so fast.

A couple of weeks back, she thought she'd never see him again. And actually she didn't even think about him or Cuddy. And now she's standing in their kitchen, because they're about to have dinner together and she hopes that everything will turn out differently this time.

Cuddy's glad that she finds the three of them laughing when she comes back into the room and hopes that they decided to drop this ridiculous game for tonight.

Lisa sits down next to Greg and Stacy, who hold Bailey in her arms, Addison and Laurie sit at the opposite site.

"Okay, I'm gonna something," Addison says when Lisa sits down and they all watch her.

"Thanks to you for this invitation, and special thanks to Greg of course," she adds and he laughs, but then her voice turns a bit more serious.

"No, I mean it. Thank you guys. I'm glad you like this place and I love to see that there's finally a live in it," she says and sips her glass. "It never had the time to come here and it's such a nice house and I hope you'll be happy here," she says and Cuddy leans across the table to place a kiss on her friend's cheek.

"Women," Greg whispers beside her, and she hits his arms softly when she sits down again.

Sometimes Stacy thought she would feel jealous to see Lisa and Greg together, but with pleasure she realizes that it's not the case.

She takes a deep breath, and knows that this chapter is finally over. Just like Lisa told her earlier in the kitchen.

That little piece of their common history is finished and the book is closed. Time to start a new one. And to watch them being so happy together is something she hardly imagined to happen, just like all the other things that turned her life upside down during the last weeks.

When Stacy looks across the table, she realizes that Laurie's watching her, but she turns her head away when their eyes lock for a second and a smile crosses her face which she tries to cover with sipping her drink.

"I never thought this could happen one day," Stacy begins and laughs and looks at Lisa and Greg. "I mean having dinner together, you know?"

"What did you say in San Francisco?" he asks her. "We grew up," House says.

"Exactly, and it was about time I guess," Stacy agrees.

"As parents, I think we should," House says and takes Lisa's hand under the table and she squeezes it gently.

Stacy wants to say something, but still struggles saying it out loud.

"It almost reminds me of some forgotten former times," Lisa says and winks at the others.

"Except someone's missing," House states dryly.

"Yeah," Stacy agrees.

"Who's missing?" Addison wants to know.

"A..." Lisa begins, not sure what to say. Somehow the word "friend" seems to be so hard now.

"A friend," Stacy finishes her sentence and Laurie realizes the bitterness in her voice.

"What about the other doctor?"Laurie wants to know. "The one that was with you all the time?"

"That's him." House answers.

"What happened to him?" Laurie asks and Stacy looks up with a surprised look on her face, because no one told her the truth so far. She looks at Lisa and Greg, and they gave her an apologetic look.

After a while, they're about to finish dinner and Bailey fall asleep on her arms. Somehow, they always managed to talk around the truth during the last hour, but Stacy knows that they're walking on thin ice.

"You wanna lay her down on the bed?" Lisa asks and Stacy nods. She follows Lisa upstairs and puts the sleeping child gently on the bed to let her rest.

They let the door open, just for the case but before they walk down, Stacy takes Lisa by the wrist softly to hold her back.

"You didn't tell her?" she asks and hopes that she didn't sound reproachful.

"There... there wasn't the right moment," Lisa tries to explain.

"The trial will take place soon. Do you want her to find that out in the court or do you wanna tell her yourselves?" Stacy asks. "I think it's better you do that."

"You're right."

"She will find out we all knew it before," Stacy says and sighs.

"You two have to be honest with her," Stacy reminds her.

"I know," Lisa agrees. "I know."

When they walk down the stairs, the first thing they realize is that something is wrong. They look at Laurie and Greg and by the look on Laurie's face, Stacy feels her heart shattering slowly. Something tells her that she knows the truth.

That it's too late to be honest with her.

Laurie shakes her head.

"You can't be serious," she says calmly, but the hidden anger in her voice scares Stacy for a moment.

"Don't go," Greg says and tries to calm her down. "Lets, lets talk about it!" he offers her but she already turned around.

"I'm going for a walk," she says and walks through the back door, to the beach.

Without hesitating, Stacy walks through the room.

"I'll check on her," she says and follows Laurie.

"She isn't stupid," Greg says when Lisa looks at him with a questionable look on her face. "She figured it out somehow."

Lisa walks through the room and leans against him softly. It's gonna be a long night.


	36. Would I know

_Sorry that it took me so much time. But I was in Rome to see Lisa Edelstein xD_

***

Chapter 36 – Would I know

She walks out with fast steps and doesn't turn around to check whether Stacy or Cuddy are following.

Why didn't she tell her the truth? Someone should have. It's not fair, she thinks. She can't even imagine how she would feel. Her mother is killed in an accident and there's no way to deal with it and bring it to an end, because all the time you keep on looking for answers. You want to know why and you want to know who did it. Maybe you even want to see his face, but all that you have is the uncertainty. And the bitter truth that the person who did it is still free, living his life without any punishment.

And to find out that your parents and a person you considered as friend knew it all, you feel betrayed. And it hurts.

"Laurie?" Stacy calls after her, trying to close the distance between them. "Laurie, wait!" she begs her and keeps on chasing her.

She walks along the beach, not knowing where she's going because it's dark, but she doesn't care. Laurie hears Stacy behind her, but she can't turn around. It hurts. As much as she seems to love her, she feels betrayed.

Why didn't they tell her the truth? Was she never supposed to find out about it?

She always thought she can deal with it, that she's through with it. But suddenly it all seems to be back. Every single feeling before the numbness sets in. She's furious with him. With that doctor who killed her mother. With her father, because he knew it. Because they all knew it and no one even considered to tell her the truth.

She's furious, but she's too tired to yell. To weak to shed tears. Her feet carry her through the soft sand until she let's herself drop. She sits in the sand, staring at the water.

She can't think and hardly breathe. When she came here earlier, she never thought it'd turn out like this. For once she thought that everything will be fine, but it shouldn't be.

Laurie doesn't know if the truth will change everything. What hurts the most is the disappointment inside of her, the feeling of being lied to.

From the corner of her eye, she sees Stacy approaching slowly.

There's no strength left to turn around to face her.

"Laurie?" Stacy asks again. More careful and incredibly soft. Laurie knows that she's sorry. That she might feel ashamed for not being honest with her, but that doesn't change the fact that she has to be angry with someone.

"You knew it," Laurie says into the silence after a few minutes. Stacy didn't do anything except waiting.

She knows that it isn't a question. Laurie's voice is strong, but it takes her a lot of strength to do this. The disappointment in her voice hurts Stacy and she bits her lip.

"Since when do you know it?" Laurie asks, looking straight ahead, trying to keep her voice steady.

"Does it really matter now?" Stacy asks in a low voice.

"When?" Laurie asks without answering her previous question.

"He told me first, a while ago," Stacy whispers and bows her head and from the corner of her eye she sees Laurie turning around.

"I didn't know what to do," Stacy begins before Laurie opens her mouth to say something. "I was so shocked because he was my friend," Stacy explains and looks for more words.

"And I thought I'm also your friend," Laurie says in a low voice with a trace of bitterness and it seems even harder to keep it steady.

"You are," Stacy say and goes to her knees beside her. "You are more then that," Stacy tells her and there's silence for a second.

"That's why I wanted to protect you," she whispers and without looking at her Laurie knows that she's close to tears. She had also been betrayed all those years. And she is sorry for what happened with all her heart.

Suddenly, Laurie's resistance fades and tears flood her eyes, but she can't face Stacy. She feels Stacy's hand on her own. Warm and soft.

When she bursts into tears, Stacy hugs her from behind, laying an arm around her shoulder to pull her close, the other hand still holds hers.

Laurie leans back, enjoying her presence. The soft movement of her body when she's breathing and the warmth that she spreads to soothe her. The presence that had been so rare since her best friend died.  
It's not only the fact that she finally knows who's responsible for her mother's death, but she also never took the time to grieve over the loss of John. She never really did and she knew it would happen one day.

"I'm so sorry," Stacy whispers in her ear. "I'm sorry," she repeats and holds her tight, feeling her body trembling while she cries.

***

The three of them sit in the living room. All three lost in thoughts, thinking about the things that just happened.

"I should've told her before," he says into the silence.

"You can't change it anymore," Addison says and her voice doesn't sound reproachful in any way.

"I know," House says and there's silence again.

"I'll check on Bailey," Lisa says because there isn't much to say right now, and leaves the room without another word and none of the two feels like protesting or following her.

"She seems to be a strong woman," Addison says and looks at Greg. "She'll get through it."

He looks at her and waits for her to go on, but she doesn't.

She seems to know what he thinks. She just knows it because she's been in the same situation in the past. Sort of at least.

"She'll forgive you, don't worry," she says a bit more enthusiastically.

"What makes you think so?"

"First of all," she begins. "She's not like you," Addison says.

"You have no idea," House throws in.

"She was just shocked. What does it really change that she knows the truth after two long years? It was just the unexpected shock. I'm sure it'll pass," she says.

"Thanks."

***

"I never thought it'd hurt so much," Laurie whispers when she manages to speak again. Her voice is still shivering but it's not that hard to talk any more.

"I'm sorry," Stacy whispers again.

"I know," Laurie says. "I know you are."

There's no reason for Laurie to stand up or move right now. Stacy still holds her, rocking gently and she realizes that she slowly starts to feel better.

"I was so afraid that it'll never pass once I let it happen," Laurie says after moments of silence.

"It'll pass and you'll find a way to live with it," Stacy tells her. "It's the best you can do."

"I know," Laurie agrees.

"It may not be that easy, but I know you're strong enough."

"Thank you."

"You feel like going back?" Stacy asks after a while.

Laurie sighs and says:"I guess I have to, haven't I?"

***

Cuddy didn't listen to the conversation going on downstairs. It could've been such a nice evening, and it actually is still a nice evening, but it makes her sad. It shouldn't have been interrupted like this.

She watches the baby who still sleeps in the bed peacefully and knows that it was just a matter of time until she would find out. It can't be made undone so they all have to life with it and they'll have to deal with it and she knows that it'll be fine one day.

She sighs and starts to walk down the stairs while Stacy enters the room through the back door with Laurie. Relieved that there's a light smile on her face.


	37. It's okay to think about ending

Chapter 37 – It's okay to think about Ending

Only three days passed since Laurie found out about the truth after the dinner and much to House' pleasure, she seems to get along with it better then he thought. Addison was right about this. It won't change a lot of things. Not after two years. It'll help to finish it properly, to get through with it completely, but it won't change anything in general.

The days in the hospital seemed to pass uncomfortably slow, slower then they usually did because it's time for the trial soon.

Something none of them is looking forward to but it has to be faced.

Somehow, he thought it would be strange to work with his daughter but until now, which means two days of common work, seem to be quite okay. Therefore, she doesn't work in the same department. But poor Cuddy is left with two House and he smiles to himself at that thought.

He changed.

No matter if he wants to admit it or not. Everything that happened the last few weeks changed him. It's not that he became a complete new person. He had been like this. He had been like this when he was with Stacy though he was already known for some certain things in college, but he was younger back then. Maybe that doesn't count.

He became the person he had been long ago. He hid it under the surface and he finally realized that it's time to bring this person back. To bring Greg back because he can't risk to loose everything again. Despite the fact, that he hated admitting this to himself in the beginning, the imagination makes him smile secretly. He likes it.

He liked being a little nicer, because it seemed so much easier. He almost forgot about that. About the way it feels like.

***

She walks through the hospital, still trying to find all the right places. She'd been here for a few days, but didn't even see half of the hospital. She thinks that she might need some time to get used to everything. And working with her father causes a certain feeling inside of her.

First of all, she kinda likes it. She knows that it could be funny. Or vice versa. And the second thing is something she shouldn't even think about.

Even though she'd always been looking for him and she actually – just to face it – knows quite less about him, she feels like having to be good.

Since she came here and moved her things into her new home, she had questions in her mind that made her laugh.

But she knows that a part of her is serious with that too.

Am I doing the right thing?

What will he think about me? And my work?

What if I'll fail in any way?

Maybe the doubts of her own skills were caused by some previous happenings that affected her a lot. But slowly, she feels how she recovers from it.  
Very slowly, but the process finally set in.

When she sat at the beach with Stacy, who hold her so gently in her arms, she feels sadness in her heart.

She was more than grateful that she found a person like her after all those troubles and now she moved away. Far away, to the other side of the country where she'd lived for so many years. Of course there are still ways to stay in contact, but it's not the same. She won't be there to drop by for a spontaneous dinner on Friday nights. Laurie won't run into them in the park and she won't see Bailey growing up.

She started to love the little girl a lot. Time passes by so quickly when they're babies and she would miss it all.

But she knows that things will change. It's not done, but the first step is taken. Maybe she will go back one day. Maybe in a few years, whenever she feels like returning. There's nothing that can keep her away from it.

She takes this a little easier now, knowing there's no reason to be afraid of not seeing her again.

***

One of the many things that probably won't change is the fact that he likes to enter Cuddy's office without even bothering to knock.

She looks up without a word and he sits down in front of her in silence. A scene that happened million times before.

Only that this one is different. The circumstances are very hard for all of them and they all know that time's running.

"They start to talk," House states.

"I know," Cuddy answers with a trace of sadness in her voice. "There was no way round it," she tells him.

"I know," he says this time.

"How's Laurie doing?" she asks after a couple of seconds. Whenever they needed something to talk, someone brought her up. Asking how she's doing instead of asking each other.

No matter what they pretend, they don't feel good.

They both lost a colleague and a good friend. And it's about time to face the truth during the trial.

"She seems to get better," House answers.

Cuddy nods.

"No more postponing I guess?" she says and faces him.

"I doubt that," he answers. "Seems like my team knows what's going on with us," he throws in.

Cuddy half-smiled.

"What did you expect? Despite that, I don't care if the know the truth."

"You're right," he says and a light smile appears on his face. "So can I kiss you in the hall right now so that everyone sees it?"

She laughs but keeps on reading the paper in front of her.

"Don't you have clinic hours left?" she reminds him and he takes it as a "no" this time.

"Oh come on. That one's old," he complains not quite serious.

"Actually it's still quite a current thing," she says with a smile.

"I thought that I don't have to do that any longer, since..." he says and tries to find the right words to say it.

"Since we're officially sleeping with each other?" she says playfully, knowing it's more then that.

"Yes," he nods.

"Sorry to disappoint you," Cuddy says.

"Try was worth it," he says.

"Right."

"They talk about me," House says.

"Nothing new, isn't it?" Cuddy wants to know.

"Yeah, but what they says is kinda new."

"So, what is it?" she wants to know and is glad that he found a way to distract her from the things that'll happen soon.

"They say I'm different," he begins and the sound of his voice tells her that he dislikes it a little. This made her smile again.

"You'll get through it," she says. "But don't you think that it might be true if even they noticed it now? she says softer.

"Could be," he admits.

"You know it," she tells him. "Now go and see your patient, I have to make a few calls," she tells him much friendlier then she usually did in the past and to her surprise, he stands up and leaves.

She takes a few seconds to think about their conversation. Even they realized that something changed. Just like anyone else of course.

Maybe she still had to get used to it, some things make her smile now when she remembers the way it had been between them a few months ago.

But maybe it's time to end acting like this after so many years.

Stacy was right, it's finally time to grow up.

***

She sits on her parent's porch and smiles when she watches her child playing by her feet. Just like she did many, many years ago and her mother had been the one to sit on that chair and watch her. Time passes by so fast, and she still remembers so many things.

Everything comes to an end one day, she thinks.

Her childhood did and now she finally feels that she's ready for something new. Her marriage end and she feels free.

Although she can't deny that there had been happy times with Marc, she couldn't help but ask whether she did the right thing and why she married him at all.

But it's over. And it's good.

Her everlasting, bitter fights with Greg are over and she's glad about this. She feels so much better whenever she remembers him now, whenever she thinks about what happened between them.

The only thing that still lasts on her is the trial.

She'll loose a dear friend, because of what he did. He made a mistake, but things can't be forgiven and she's pretty sure that the judge will think about it the same way. She doubts, that he won't be arrested for at least a couple of years. She realizes how this thought makes her sad and she tries not to think about it today. Not until it's really time to.

But with that, she feels like loosing two friends. And actually one is already too much. When she'll return to San Francisco, Laurie will stay in Princeton.

She knows that it won't be the same on some way. She had Elin and her work, her daughter and anything else, but something will be different.

She won't run into Laurie during work anymore and they won't be able to meet for coffee just like that. She will be so far away and it makes Stacy sad, but she knows that she could come back anytime. Maybe when things start to get calmer. When a few more years passed by, no one knows what'll happen until then.


	38. And you don't know where to start

Chapter thirty-eight: And you don't know where to start

She stands in front of the mirror early in the morning in her apartment and from time to time, the silence seems to pull her down even more. She never really lived alone. There was always someone with her. During college, she had her friends. And she had John who never really moved in but spent most of his time in her house in San Francisco.

There was always someone around and every once in a while, she feels desperate. She can't stand the silence. She turned the stereo on, listened to the radio only to turn it off during the next song because it got on her nerves.  
She watches her reflection. She lost some weight without realizing it. Her skin looks pale and there are light dark shadows under her eyes. The past weeks left her marks on her. During the days, she sometimes wants to cry. She feels weak and she doesn't feel capable of doing anything else. She is so tired at the end of the day that she doesn't even get herself something to eat.

The last time had been to much for her and all she's looking for is a bright spot at the end of the way, but she lost track of it. It all seemed to be out of hand and she fails with trying to hold on to something.

When her best friend had been killed, it'd shattered her and her life. It took a long time to recover from the loss she'd suffered two years ago. She'd needed a lot of time to fill the gap inside her heart, but all of sudden, she seems to be right at the beginning.

Days before, she thought she feels better and things will finally turn out right, but maybe she was wrong, maybe she was too optimistic. To anyone else, she seemed to get better, but the longer she looks at the picture of herself in the mirror, the wronger she seems to be.

She smiles, but it doesn't make her happy at all. She never took her time to grieve over the loss of her best friend, except when she was down at the beach with Stacy.

She was the only one who broke her, and it was the best thing that probably ever happened to her, because it felt good. Beside the fact that it actually hurt, but it also helped.

How many years did she wish that her father would be there? How many years did she try to find him just to find out who he is.

Unfortunately, no one ever told her about the price she has to pay for it. Loosing her best friend doesn't have the slightest trace of solace for her.

Everyone, when she pictures herself in the mirror, she tries to see the good things. Tries to look at all the things she's got in return, but more often the voice inside her mind asks whether it was worth it.

She finally found her father, she got a new job and she loved her boss. Not only because she's her father's girlfriend. She moved to another city to start all over again and she met Stacy.

This is usually the part when her endless sadness seems to set in.

She'll miss San Francisco, but she'll get over it. But Laurie isn't sure whether she'll be able to stand the loss of another friend.

She loves Stacy a lot, and sometimes it amazes her that she leaned to love her so much within such a short time and she's not willing to give it all up again. She would loose her and it scares her.

With the time, she realized that she's more afraid every day. Because of plain things, but she doesn't care although a part of her knows that she should be careful and that she should look for help before it's too late.

But right now, she barely manages to care about herself then on any other thing. She takes her time with taking a shower and getting ready, because it all seems to be too exhausting and when she's finally done, she skips breakfast again.

She takes one last glance at herself before she leaves the house to make sure she doesn't look as crappy as she feels and shuts the door.

***

Stacy walks nervously through the house and tries to gather all the things and this time she actually wishes that her mother already returned home to hold her hand and tell her that everything is going to be alright. This seems to be exactly what she needs right now.

She's been to trial many times – which isn't a surprise, considering the fact that she's a lawyer herself – but she can't remember a time where she attended a trial as a witness. And to make things worse, a trial against one of her best friends.

There's no choice for her. There never had been one. Either she commits perjury, which is totally out of question, because she already told the police what happened in the first place, or she lies and tries to make up a different story to try to safe his ass, knowing that the truth would come to day sooner or later and then she'd be screwed.

She would loose her job, maybe even her freedom and after all, she would loose her daughter and that's a thing she can't even argue about.

The only thing that she has to do is to make sure that Bailey will be fine and that she'll be with her. Stacy feels tired and can't stop asking herself whether she got everything she needed. She tries to go through it again and again although she knows perfectly well how a trial works.

It's still early in the morning and much to her pleasure, Bailey decided to take a nap after refusing to sleep all night.

She kept on crying and Stacy didn't know what to do to help her because nothing seemed to be right.

She sits down on a chair, feeling the exhausting taking over, she lays her face in her hands, trying to soothe herself.

She takes a deep breath and listens to the silence, sitting in the kitchen of her childhood. She'd grown up here and had she ever seen her mother that desperate? She can't remember.

Once again, this reminds her of her loneliness. There isn't anyone to help her through most of it. No husband she can wake up when her daughter needs help because she feels so exhausted that she can't even open her eyes.

There's no one to hold her hand when she cries after taking her daughter to bed. There's no one who tells her that everything will be fine in the end.

No one ever said it's going to be easy even though it might look like it does, but Stacy tries her best to cope with it.

Only right now, she's so tired and desperate that she doesn't even know where to start. The last weeks were hard for all of them and today is gonna be the hardest part and she feels like there's hardly any strength left for it.

She takes a deep breath and feels a little stupid when tears flood her eyes, but she doesn't care and allows herself to burst into tears before it's time to leave.

***

Their morning passes by unusually quiet. Despite the fact that none of them is actually used to live with someone else, they try to get used to their new situation but the circumstances don't help. Cuddy got up very early in the morning because she couldn't sleep any longer and her thoughts kept on torturing her so she got out of bed and decided to lay the table for breakfast.

While she's doing this, she asks herself whether he actually eat breakfast and it actually hits her that she thinks to know a lot about him but when it comes to such plain basic things, she's caught off guard.

She takes a shower first, maybe this will help her to calm down, but she notices that it didn't help at all.

It all bothers her, but she just doesn't although she likes to throw something through the room because she feels so frustrated and angry.

She slams her cup of coffee down and turns around to face Greg who leans against the door frame. He obviously watched the whole scene and she can't believe that there's seriously a hint of amusement in his eyes.

"What?" she asks and puts her hands on her waits. He closes the distance between them and Cuddy turns her head away, trying to hide a grin because of her behavior.

He places a finger on her chin and turns her head around softly, a smirk on his face. She lays her arms around him and leans against his body with closed eyes.

"I'm so happy when it's over," she whispers.

"Yes," he answers and holds her tightly.

Just like everyone else, the last weeks affected them a lot. It brought them closer together and made them admit that they want to be together, but not without any troubles of course. In the beginning, things looked differently in any way.

They almost lost everything when the past started to catch up with them, but somehow they managed to get through it.

It made them tired and they'll need some time to recover.

"I wanted to make breakfast," she says into the silence and he notices the trace of frustration in her voice. "But I didn't even know what you like!"

He tries to oppress a laugh, because he knows that it really bothers her.

"It's alright," he tells her.

A few minutes later, it's silent again. They sit at the table, breakfast untouched in front of them because no one is in the mood to eat anything.

His smile is long gone, because even Greg realized that there's nothing to laugh about anymore. It's getting more serious with every minute that passes by and all they're doing is wasting time until it's time to face the obvious.

"We should go," he says a little later into the silence and they leave the house without another word.

***

When they appear in front of the courthouse a couple of minutes later, it's cloudy outside. Inside the house, he notices Stacy first. Just like he did a while back when they first met after five years. She turns to them and Greg realizes that she cried.

Her eyes still shine, but there's no excitement in them at all. He's seen the look in her eyes many times before. Her eyes are empty and he's sure that it's not only because of the upcoming trial, but he knows better then to ask.

Before their breakup, he'd seen the look on her face on a daily basis when it came to the end and now he actually feels sorry because of this.

She greets them, but tries to avoid direct eye contact. She knows Greg too good and she's not in the mood for any discussions. All she wants is to finish the whole thing.

They wait for Laurie to show up, an oppressing silence lasting between them and Greg asks himself whether he should've picked her up at home.

For a second, he feared that she won't show up. But all in all, he can't take her for granted. What would it change? Could he really expect that she'll face her mother's killer? That was probably too much.

When he spots her walking in through the entrance, there's a feeling of relief inside of him, but there's also something else. Something alarming, because she looked very different when he saw her for the first time.

She's skinnier, looks constantly tired and he knows that it's out of question to look away. He can't ignore it, and asks himself whether he's the only one who realized that but it's not the right time to discuss it today.

Laurie nods when she approaches, not really in the mood to talk. They all look at each other, feeling a little embarrassed and pathetic at the same time. At least they aren't the ones who'll get arrested. None of them killed anyone. But after all, he was a friend.

When Wilson enters the courtroom, Laurie doesn't really listen to the things going on around her. Her eyes are fixed on the man in the front. He doesn't look much different, compared to the first time she saw him, but this time she thinks about him differently. This time, she knows the truth. She realizes that she's far away with her mind. She's only physically in the courtroom, everything else is far far away. She tries not to look at Stacy and think of the fact that she will be gone soon, tries not to look at her father to see the pitifulness in his eyes.

When Lisa reaches our her hand to take hers, she frightens for a second, but takes Lisa's. All of sudden, she realizes how strange the contact seems to be. How weird it feels to touch someone else and she actually doesn't want it, but it's not Lisa's fault so she wouldn't refuse her.

But is there anyone to blame at all?

As soon as he enters the courtroom, he sees them sitting in the audience. His three closest friends who never seemed to get along quite well sit next to each other to see what'll happen to him. He can't say whether they're sad, disappointed or just curious about what's going to happen to him. He's got lots of time to think since he was arrested and he finally realized what mistake he made and that the young woman beside Cuddy isn't to blame.

At first, he was angry with her because she showed up and messed things up. No one would've ever noticed without her but he can't change things.

To blame a girl who lost her mother for something that can't be her fault in any way is the wrong thing to do but it's to late to change things and to apologize because that won't make it undone.

He's sorry for what he did and he's extremely sorry for the dilemma he put Stacy in. He should've gone to the police himself but he was a coward. He told her about the crime, knowing that she's a lawyer and that she won't keep it to herself, not just because she would do anything to keep her child.

When it was her turn, Stacy looks back to the three of them, even though she's looking for some help. At this time, she's not sure whether she wants to see him again or not. Does she want to keep Wilson in her mind the way she used to or does she want to see his face now, knowing it will stay with her for the rest of her life. But she also knows that it'll probably break her heart to turn her back to him.

She sits down, answering the question that she usually asked people, feeling not the nervous any longer but that doesn't change the fact that she wants it to be over.

She tells them exactly why Wilson told her on the phone, when it happened and what she did after he confessed the murder to her.

She was released faster then she thought she would and when she sits down again, she doesn't feel better. But maybe that's just the result of her general condition.

Stacy wants to talk to Laurie, she doesn't know what she wants to say, but she wants to hear her voice and she wants to tell her that everything is going to be fine just like she wishes that someone would tell her this.

She keeps her eyes on Laurie who, either ignores her or doesn't realize that Stacy's looking at her. She seems to be absent, not listening to the things going on in front of her. She exchanged a silent look with Greg and knows that he noticed it too.

The moments until the end of the trial seem to be endless but before Laurie realizes what's going on around her, she hears people moving and voices that get louder.  
It must be over, she thinks. She'll finally be able to get out of here. She stands up and without looking for the others, she walks straight through the door with fast steps. She knows that there's another bathroom downstairs and that hardly anyone comes down there. She takes two steps at once, not wanting anyone to follow her.

She enters the bathroom and much to her relief, it seems to be empty. She walks along the mirrors to stop in front of the last one.

For the second time today, she looks at her reflection in the mirror. Nothing really changed. Her eyes are sill empty, the dark shadows under her eyes still reflect the lack of sleep she suffered from during the last days.

It's over, she tells herself but there isn't even the slightest trace of an emotion inside of her. She can't even bring up enough strength to shed a tear. She can't even cry. She's furious, but to weak to raise her hand and shatter the mirror that reflects the pitiful picture of her self.

She frightens when she hears the door behind her, her hands tightly on the basin. With a glance into the mirror, she sees Lisa approaching slowly.

Just like anyone else, she'd gone through a lot of things. She looks exhausted, but still way better than Laurie does. Her hair is tied back in a ponytail her hands wrapped around her body.

"Laurie," she says softly into the silence of the room, her voice echoing in the empty room. Laurie sighs and bows her head, not wanting to face her, because she feels pathetic.

"Are you okay?" she asks, knowing that this question is stupid but she couldn't come up with anything better.

Laurie nods wordlessly and Lisa lays a hand on her shoulder, wishing she could do something more to help.

Lisa waits for her to do something, but she remains silent.

"You okay?" he asks and sits down beside her. Stacy faces him, knowing that he would notice it.

"I think so," she tells him.

"You cried," he states without being sarcastic or bothering. It's just a fact.

"Yeah, I did," she answers. "How did you know?" she asks, knowing that this is a rhetorical question.

"I guess I've seen the look in your eyes too many times," he says, staring straight ahead.

"Something always told me you knew it."

"I'm sorry," he says and looks at her.

"Let's not warm it up again," she offers, a tired smile on her face.

"Sure," he answers.

"Your daughter needs help," Stacy begins, her voice is almost a whisper.

He nods.

"Somehow I think she looks worse every day," Stacy admits.

"I know," he says.

"Don't look away," Stacy says and faces him. It almost sounds like a plea. "She'll need you Greg."

***

After a while, Laurie turns around. She faces Lisa and her blue eyes reflect her own fear and the silent desperation. The uncertainty about where to begin and the question whether everything will be alright one day.

Lisa closes her in her arms softly and for a second, tears water her eyes and she remembers that helplessness is one of the most painful feelings ever.

"Let's get out of here," Lisa says with a quiet voice and leads her out of the room.


	39. Her Diamonds

Chapter thirty-nine: Her diamonds

"_I can't take no more._

_She tried her best now she can't win,_

_it's hard to see them on the ground._

_Her diamonds falling down."_

"You have to come with me," he says calmly and she knows that it's not a question but an order she has to accept. Unwillingly, she stands up, every single part in her body seems to hurt and she's so exhausted that she wants to give up right now.

She feels his hand on her arm to help her stand upright and for a moment, she wonders why Lisa didn't come. But after all, it doesn't matter anymore.

Laurie looks around helplessly, but doesn't know what to do. The last weeks had been even worse then she could imagine. She lost track of everything. Her live slipped away from her.

"It won't be forever," he says and the pain in his eyes hurts her too. "You'll go back," her father says. "Just for now, it's the only thing we can do," he says and takes her bag with the few clothes she put in there.

Silently, she follows him and blinks several times until her eyes get used to the darkness and the door closes behind her.

No one says a word when they sit in the car, but Laurie asks herself whether it'll be the end or finally the new beginning of her life.

_A few weeks earlier..._

A couple of times, Lisa Cuddy told herself that Laurie is going through a hard time and that she'll be better. But after a while, she realized that she is wrong. There was a time where Cuddy thought that she was better only to watch her suffering from a total breakdown weeks later.

All the time, Lisa asks herself why she didn't realize that earlier. Have there been signs that she missed? Something a mother would notice? She knows, that her role is a bit different but after all, she's a part of Laurie's life and she should've seen it she thinks.

She felt sorry when she found her in the bathroom after the trial, she's seen it in her eyes but Lisa closed hers in response.

At work, nothing seems to be different. She does her work, she's good at it and the patients like her, that's all she ever wished for.

But what Lisa doesn't know is what happened after work. What's she doing when she leaves the hospital? She knows that Laurie is an adult woman who can do whatever she likes, but a part of her couldn't stop to worry about the woman who suddenly seems to be so fragile.

"Something's going wrong Lisa," he says one morning on their way to work.

"I know," she simply answers.

"I don't know what to do," he says and shakes his head.

Lisa know how he feels. She wouldn't be just one patient. She would be their daughter and that makes it even more difficult. They couldn't force her to do or admit that she needs help, because it wouldn't help her at all.

"I can't just talk to her," he says and she feels sorry for him, because it touches him a lot. "I don't know how to help when she doesn't accept that she's got a problem," he says and under different circumstances, he would've laughed at the sentence he just said, but this isn't funny at all.

He's more serious about it then he ever was.

***

The only thought that helps her to get out of bed every morning is the fact that she cares about the things the others say about her. What would they say if she doesn't show up for work? How would they react when she's late at least every second day.

What would they think when she doesn't smile at her patients or has friendly chats with her patients while treating them.

What would they say when they see her being miserable? Looking like a person in need, because that's what she actually is.

She needs help, but she's embarrassed and feels sorry about that and the fact that she's so weak. So much time passed and it should be okay by now, but all she feels is that everything around her gets darker day for day.

Just like every morning, she gets out of bed, feeling like she didn't rest at all. She woke up several times last night. Terrified of things that weren't there.

She woke up feeling sweaty and shivers because the bathroom floor is so cold beneath her bare feet. Her cheeks are flushed, her skin paler then ever.

She acts almost mechanically, the same procedure every morning. A short shower, endless glances into the mirror, brushing her teeth and apply some make-up to cover the worst after getting dressed. She's tired because of everything, and sometimes, during her daily routine, she breaks into tears though she never really cries. There's hardly a tear shed, and it doesn't ease the terrible pressure that lasts on her chest.

She never eats breakfast any longer. It disgusts her and she feels sick by the thought of it. It's enough that she'll be forced to eat later on when she'll join her colleagues for dinner. Anything else would be too suspicious.

A thing that scares her more every morning is the fact that it appears to be harder to put a smile on her face with each day that passes. She's running out of energy and it costs a lot of strength to pretend that you're fine when you're falling apart on the inside.

She walks out of the door, wearing sunglasses because her eyes aren't used to the bright sunshine any more.

***

Stacy will never forget the look on Laurie's face when they said goodbye to each other at the airport. She's sure of that.

She saw the sadness and the disappointment in her eyes and it'd shattered her even more. Knowing that she was already in a miserable condition made it even harder for her to leave but she didn't have a choice.

Stacy has to think of her own life and her daughter and she can't afford to loose her job. She knows that it'll take time, but she'll get used to it. She'll need some time on her own and come to rest to start over again.

Bailey will go to kindergarden for a few hours three times a day so she can spend a bit time on her own.

All she can do by now is call at least two times a week to listen to her voice and make sure she's doing alright even though she doesn't always sound like that.

She never really worried during the past weeks since she went back to the west coast but every time she hung up the phone after talking to Laurie, she's worried even more. Sometimes, she felt like Laurie didn't even listen because she seems to be so absent. Every time this happens, she remembers the fragile woman sitting in the courtroom, hoping that everything will be alright. She knows that there isn't much that she can do from such a distance but when Laurie stopped picking up the phone, she decides to call Greg. Not only to ask him whether she's okay, but also about the things that changed and if she'll be okay again.

She sits in her office and waits from him to pick up his phone.

"Hey Greg," she says when he answers his phone. "It's Stacy. You got a minute?" she asks and hopes that she won't make a fool out of herself with her worries.

"Sure, what's it?" he asks although something tells him what this might be about. He didn't forget the way they looked at each other in the courtroom and what it was about.

"It's because of Laurie," she begins.

"Thought so," he throws in.

"She hardly picks up the phone anymore, I know this sounds a little weird, but she seems so different when I talk to her," she says and trails of. "Maybe it's just because of me, I don't know..."

"No, I don't think so," he tells her. Stacy sighs, glad on the one hand that she isn't the only one who thinks about it like that and sad at the other hand because there really seems to be something wrong.

"Something appears to go terribly wrong," he explains.

"I'm so sorry about this," she throws in.

"I just don't know what to do," he says. "I can't force her to see a doctor, can I?" he asks and remembers that he's talking to a lawyer.

"She's your daughter. The thing is that she's not a minor anymore. Practically she can do whatever she wants until you become her legal guardian, but don't even give it a try, that won't happen," she tells him.

"Yeah, that's not what I planned though. I doubt that this will help at all," he admits. "Thanks for telling me."

"Anytime," she answers. "You call me as soon as there are some information?"

"Of course."

"Thanks you," she says and drops the connection, biting her lip and decided to distract herself with some work.

The next night, he sits on the porch, watching the sea because he can't sleep. There are so many thoughts in his head that keep him awake, and sometimes he even considers driving to her house to see how she's doing but showing up at her doorstep in the middle of the night will probably scare the hell out of her.

He leans his head on his hands, trying to clear his mind.

***  
_"By the light of the moon, she rubs her eyes, says it's funny how the night can make you blind."_

She lays in bed, turning around every few minutes whenever she frightens because of a noise outside. Everytime, this happens, she needs a couple of seconds to remember where she is and it takes even more seconds to make sure that there isn't anything inside the house.

Laurie keeps on staring straight ahead into the endless darkness, her eyes aren't focused on something in particular.

She's so exhausted and furious at the same time that she wants to cry but there won't be tears. She'll cry inside of her, but to the outside she'll just look lazy and less motivated then usual. The emptiness that she keeps inside seems to be indescribable and endless. Sometimes, it becomes hard to breath. Sometimes, she can't even move or think of anything but the emptiness followed by a cruel loneliness.

When she walked through the hospital during the day, she thought that one of her patients looked like John and each time, her heart stopped beating. She remained where she is to get a better view on him. Once, she even wanted to call him only to be slapped by the disappointment and the fact that she's been so stupid to believe that it's him.

She doubts that the gap in her heart could ever be filled again, a part of her will always be missing. With Stacy, she finally thought that she's someone to hold on and now she's gone too. She has Greg and Lisa who try her best to help her and by there for Laurie, but something will always be different, compared to Stacy.

She can't find the slightest trace of solace in anything she does and sometimes, she wishes not to wake up in the morning.

***  
She turns around and realizes that the other side of the bed is empty. She sits up and waits until her eyes adjust to the darkness and a glance at her watch tells her that it's 3.24am. She leans back and closes her eyes once to take a deep breath. The house seems to be silent.

Lisa walks down the stairs, feeling a chilly summer breeze on her naked skin because the back door is open.

"Greg?" she asks softly when she approaches the open door. She seems him sitting on one of the chairs, his face still in his hands. She lets her hands slide along his back when she steps out into the night and he looks up.

"Stacy called today," he tells her and lays and arm around her waist to pull her closer. "She asked me if everything is alright, because Laurie seemed to be a little weird when they talked to each other," he tells her and Lisa nods and sits down on his good leg carefully. Her wraps his arms around her.

"She's your only daughter Greg," Cuddy says calmly. "We can't wait too long. We can't wait until something happens," she says and he knows that she's right.

"She's our daughter," he says in a calm voice and holds her tight.

With that sentence, a wave of emotions rushes through her body. She always wanted a child of her own and they'd gone through this enough times, especially when Lisa found out the truth. With the time, she secretly accepted Laurie as a new part of her life and with every day that passed, she felt more responsible for her. She cared about the things that happened to the young woman and wanted to know how she's doing.

It hurts to see Laurie like this with no idea how to help. Of course there are ways to help but sometimes it's not as easy as it sounds. Accusing her of something that might be that bad at all is something she wouldn't want to experience on her own. Forcing her to something she's against will only make it worse and doing nothing?

She's not a pessimistic person but she doesn't want to think about it.

"Yes," she whispers in an absent voice. "Sometimes, "Cuddy begins after a while. "I think it's hard to believe that this all happened. How many months passed? Three maybe? It all went so fast that I can hardly believe it."

"I know," is the only thing that comes to his mind right now. He wishes that he could come up with more but he doesn't know what to say.

He's now living with a woman he pretended not to love after so many years, knowing that it's a lie all those years. He lived on his own most of his live and sharing his new life with someone else is something he still has to get used to although it's also easier in so many ways. He's glad to have his daughter back and grateful because she's basically the reason for them to be together again. To make them admit that they can't live without each other and to make them realize that there's a way ti live together peacefully.

Of course there's also a reverse side. Many times, he asked himself how he could change so fast. From time to time, he can't even believe that himself. But no matter what anyone else thinks, he knew that it's time for a change. Risking every again would be something he probably couldn't deal with again.

With having his daughter back in his life, there's also a new responsibility even though she's already grown up. She showed him how fast things can change and that someone has to be there to hold your hand to get you out of your misery. This time, he knows that he has to be the person to hold her hand.

"No matter what," House says. "I'm glad it all happened," he explains and Cuddy looks at him. Waiting for a further explanation.

"I have my daughter with me and she needs help and I lost my best friend. But I have you," he says and touches her cheek softly. "Although I never wanted to admit it and although I've done a lot of shit, you are the best thing that ever happened to me," he says and their eyes lock.

"Despite everything that happened, I'm glad that it brought you back to me," he says and he notices that he's tired deep down, just like she is.

Her blue eyes shimmer in the moonlight, like blue diamonds and he thinks that she's never been more beautiful and before he knows what he's saying, he hears himself saying the three words that he said only one time before.

"I love you," he says calmly.

He decides to forget about the person who would've never said that. Who would've mocked others for being so sentimental. They're going through a hard time and more then once he realized that it all seems to be easier when you stay together.

She leans forward and breathes a kiss on his lips.

"And I love you," she whispers.

***  
"She tried her best, now she can't win it."

It's a rainy morning and she managed to get out of bed easier then before. She stands by the window, it is still very early in the morning, although no one would mind if she appears at work earlier then she's supposed to. There will always be something to do.

She watches the rain falling down and feels how her anger returns. Now, she's standing by the window although nothing ever happened. She doesn't understand why she's so weak. Why couldn't she go through it like anyone else would. Why did she have to fall so deep? There were a few moments in which she thought that she'd be better only to fall a little deeper the next moment. She hates herself for being like this. Hates herself for being so weak and scared of everything that it's just ridiculous.

She walks through her home, feeling terribly lonely and decides to go to work even though it's not even 7am.

She still tries to keep up her smile, but within the next days, it faded with every step she takes. She doesn't have enough strength left and she can't be in a good mood all the time.

Despite the fact that a part of her doesn't care anymore, she knows that people will start to ask questions. She knows her father when it comes to this and she knows that he will notice every slight change.

It makes her nervous and she tries to find excuses not to spend too much time around it. Without noticing it, she started to chew her fingernails and she didn't realize it until she tasted the blood in her mouth.

She felt disgusted by the taste at first. Of course she knew the taste of blood, but she didn't ate a real meal in a long time and it made her feel sick. Later, when she felt the throbbing and the blood pulsing in her hands, she enjoyed the warmth that started to like the feeling.

Every now and then, when no one seems to watch she bit her fingernails on purpose, so hard that she feels the iron taste in her mouth.

It's a late Sunday evening and she's about to finish her shift. Only a few minutes and she'll be free to go home and do whatever she liked.

All of sudden, she's alone. Washing her hands in silence, watching her wounded hands, her fingernails, covered with dried blood that she couldn't wash away. She feels uncomfortable, nervous the whole day. She needed the feelings, needed to feel the adrenalin rushing through her body when her skin tore apart beneath her fingers. She feels sick by the thought of it but she knows that it's the only way to make herself feel better for now.

Without knowing what she's actually doing, she walks through the room, her hands shivering a little. She takes out a scalpel, feeling perfectly calm all of sudden. She takes it out of the slide and doesn't even bother to clean her forearm before she lets the sharp blade cute through her soft skin. She doesn't need to push it that hard because it's very sharp.

She shivers with disgust and gasps when her eyes flood with tears and the warm blood runs down her forearm and it takes only seconds until the warmth sets in and she realizes what she did. She stares at the thick dark liquid pouring from her arm when someone opens the door behind her. She turns around quickly, trying to hide her arm and her surprise.

"Dr. House?" a nurse asks and Laurie hopes that she won't realize her flushed cheeks, her nervousness and the teary shimmer in her eyes. "Dr. Cuddy asked for you," she tells her and the look on her face tells her that she knows that something is wrong. As a nurse, she'd seen a lot of things through the years and she knows when something is wrong and Laurie is glad when she obviously decides that it's none of her business at all.

"Yes," Laurie answers and tries to clear her mind. "I... I will be right there, thanks," she says and waits until the door closes.

"Fuck," she hisses and starts to wipe the blood away, puts a plaster on it, cleans the whole place and gets her things to leave. Her arm aches with every step she takes and she shivers, because her body was flushed with so much heat when she did it.

She feels uncomfortable and wants to get out of the hospital as fast as possible. She feels the blood tingling on her arm and knows that she should hold it, put some pressure on it to stop the bleeding.

When she enters the entrance hall, she sees Cuddy waiting by the door.

"You wanna come over for dinner?" she greets Laurie with a smile. "Greg's working late," she tells her and Laurie wants nothing but to run away.

She smiles nervously, trying to hide her arm at the side.

"Oh," Laurie begins, not knowing what to say, looking around nervously. "Actually..." she begins again and tries to find some words. "I...I..." she says and tries to keep her voice steady.

"Are you okay?" Lisa asks and steps closer.  
Laurie lays her hand on the plaster, fear crawling up when she feels a thick wetness through her sleeve.

"Yeah... sure," she tells Lisa, avoiding to look her in the eyes.

It's then that Lisa sees the way her hands rests on her left forearm. She grips it tightly, but there's no way to hide the blood any longer.

"Honey," Lisa whispers and looks at her, a mixture of fear and pain on her face. She wants to reach out for her, but Laurie turns her shoulder away.

"Don't," she whispers and bits her lip, trying to oppress her tears. "Please don't," she whispers and shakes her head.

"Laurie, what-" Cuddy begins, suspecting what happened and she cuts her off.

"It's gonna be fine," Laurie tells her. "Just let me go home, it'll be fine," she says and raises her head but refuses to face Cuddy. Feeling ashamed of herself.

Before Lisa can think of anything else, Laurie walks out of the door. She thought there might be something, she knew she's not doing well but the bitter truth hit her harder then she thought it would.

"Laurie wait," Lisa screams, but she already disappeared into the darkness. "Fuck," she whispers and walks back in to find Greg.

Did it happen earlier? Why didn't I hold her back immediately? All of sudden, thousands of questions come to her mind and she starts to make allegations against herself. She feels angry with herself, tears fill her eyes and she doesn't bother to fight them back now. From the distance, she sees him in front of the white board, the ducklings gathered around the table in the middle of the room. She opens the door, all eyes on her, and before she even said a word, House knows that something is wrong.

"I need you," she says and faces him. "Now."

When they sit in the car, she tries to explain what just happened.

"I was so shocked that I didn't know what to do," she says and sounds angry with herself, desperate at the same time. "I should've hold her back," she whispers and sounds close to tears.

"It's not your fault," he tells her.

"It's not that I saw that for the first time. I'm a Goddamn doctor, I know what to do!" she says and tears run down her cheeks.

"She's not just a patient to you," he says, repeating the words that she told him a while ago. "What did she say?" he wants to know and tries to keep his voice calm. He's angry with himself too and he feels sorry for both of them, but he knows that he has to keep a clear mind.

"She said she just wants to go home and that everything will be alright," Lisa repeats and he nods. "I'll drop you off at home and pick her up then," he tells her and she looks up.

"Hun you're confused and you're confused and you're angry and I understand this but I want you to go home and calm down. I'll need you when I come back with her," he says, his tone soft and certain. She secretly admits that this is the most reasonable thing to do tonight.

She nods, too tired for a discussing and after all, this won't help anyone. She closes her eyes for the rest of the time and prays that everything will be fine.

Lost in thoughts, she doesn't realize that the car slows down until the house comes in sight. She takes a deep breath and sits upright.

"Good luck," she whispers and leans over to kiss him before she leaves the car.

The drive to her house appears to be endlessly long this time and he tries not to torture himself, not to ask why this all happened. There won't be answers. At least not tonight. The only thing he has to do is to make sure that she isn't alone and that she's safe.

When he stops in front of her house, he sees a little light through a window and is relieved that she seems to be home.  
He gets out of the car, they keys in his hand. Before he opens the door, he hesitates. What'll he find in there? He doesn't want to imagine such horrible things and pushes them away. Slowly, he opens the door and steps in.

"_Sits down on the bed and starts to cry, there's something less about her and I don't know what I'm supposed to do, so I sit down and I cry too. And don't let her see."_

"Laurie?" he asks carefully and sees that the light comes from the bedroom in the back of the house. He approaches to the room, the weight is taken off his mind because she's there. She sits on her bed, tears running down her cheeks in silence.

"Laurie," he says even softer then before and suddenly, he's not quite sure what to do. He treated patients, but he never really took care of a child in need. Especially not his own one.

What he knows is that it breaks his heart to see his daughter so broken, so fragile. Many things went wrong and they'll need time to fix this together.

"I'm so sorry," she whispers through the tears, her voice hoarse because she obviously cried the whole time. "I'm sorry," she says again.  
"No, " he tells her. "There's no need to be. You don't have to be sorry for anything."

He sits down beside her, lays her arm around her carefully and she leans against him with closed eyes, tears keep on running down her face.

It hurts him to see his child like this, but he needs to be strong for her. And for Cuddy. She will need him and he needs to be strong.

After a while, he says: "You have to come with me," he says calmly and she knows that it's not a question but an order she has to accept. Unwillingly, she stands up, every single part in her body seems to hurt and she's so exhausted that she wants to give up right now.

She feels his hand on her arm to help her stand upright and for a moment, she wonders why Lisa didn't come. But after all, it doesn't matter anymore.

Laurie looks around helplessly, but doesn't know what to do. The last weeks had been even worse then she could imagine. She lost track of everything. Her live slipped away from her.

"It won't be forever," he says and the pain in his eyes hurts her too. "You'll go back," her father says. "Just for now, it's the only thing we can do," he says and takes her bag with the few clothes she put in there.

Silently, she follows him and blinks several times until her eyes get used to the darkness and the door closes behind her.

She knows that Lisa will be waiting for them and that she'll stay with them until things start to get better.

No one says a word when they sit in the car, but Laurie asks herself whether it'll be the end or finally the new beginning of her life.

"_She's down in it, she tried her best now she can't win. It's hard to see them on the ground, her diamonds falling down. She shuts out the night, tries to close her eyes. If she can find daylight, she'll be alright. Just not tonight."_

_**The End**_

(for now, this story is complete and I hope you enjoyed the story as much as I did - and still do. Believe me, it was hard to bring it to an end. And I feel like saying this again, I like Wilson, but someone had to be the bad guy. Thank you very much for reading this and for all your nice comments. That was awesome. I'm think about adding an epilogue, but please give me time. I just have to clear my mind a little and I wanna have it the perfect way. Thanks a lot! - I don't own the lyrics of the wonderful song _"Her Diamonds"_ by Rob Thomas.)


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